Having a mini-nervous breakdown...ugh, and I'm stuck at work...

Re: Having a mini-nervous breakdown...ugh, and I'm stuck at work...

• kelsey+brandon

  

  January 2012

  I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. I would seriously have a sit down talk with your FI. It doesn't seem like he's concerned about his future or his future with you. You both need to be on the same page in order to start your lives together on the right foot. Getting married won't magically make all your problems go away, it will just make them all that much more real.

  
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• afmilner

  

  January 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_having-mini-nervous-breakdownugh-im-stuck-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:436c8b55-6ecd-4ce5-a9f2-994dc628f276Post:31275542-55d2-43cd-9481-9b33993de5b3">Re: Having a mini-nervous breakdown...ugh, and I'm stuck at work...</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. I would seriously have a sit down talk with your FI. It doesn't seem like he's concerned about his future or his future with you. You both need to be on the same page in order to start your lives together on the right foot. Getting married won't magically make all your problems go away, it will just make them all that much more real.
  Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>This! </div>

  
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• HarperBargo

  

  January 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_having-mini-nervous-breakdownugh-im-stuck-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:436c8b55-6ecd-4ce5-a9f2-994dc628f276Post:31275542-55d2-43cd-9481-9b33993de5b3">Re: Having a mini-nervous breakdown...ugh, and I'm stuck at work...</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. I would seriously have a sit down talk with your FI. It doesn't seem like he's concerned about his future or his future with you. You both need to be on the same page in order to start your lives together on the right foot. Getting married won't magically make all your problems go away, it will just make them all that much more real.
  Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]
  
  
  Very well said. It is very important that you get things out in the open and handle issues and problems together.

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• jfellows82

  

  January 2012

  I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.  I agree with what everyone else has said.  You and FI need to have some serious discussions about work and money before the big day.  Big disagreements in those areas can put a lot of stress on even the best relationships.

  

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• Sarah0335 member

  

  January 2012

  I completely agree with everyhting that PP said.  I also wouldn't put off the talk for too long.  He needs to know how much it is all bothering you.

  

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• gregamywedding

  

  January 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_having-mini-nervous-breakdownugh-im-stuck-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:436c8b55-6ecd-4ce5-a9f2-994dc628f276Post:31275542-55d2-43cd-9481-9b33993de5b3">Re: Having a mini-nervous breakdown...ugh, and I'm stuck at work...</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. I would seriously have a sit down talk with your FI. It doesn't seem like he's concerned about his future or his future with you. You both need to be on the same page in order to start your lives together on the right foot. Getting married won't magically make all your problems go away, it will just make them all that much more real.
  Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]
  
  This exactly.

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• MMRoberts11 member

  

  January 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_having-mini-nervous-breakdownugh-im-stuck-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:436c8b55-6ecd-4ce5-a9f2-994dc628f276Post:31275542-55d2-43cd-9481-9b33993de5b3">Re: Having a mini-nervous breakdown...ugh, and I'm stuck at work...</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. I would seriously have a sit down talk with your FI. It doesn't seem like he's concerned about his future or his future with you. You both need to be on the same page in order to start your lives together on the right foot. Getting married won't magically make all your problems go away, it will just make them all that much more real.
  Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]
  
  This.

  

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• doeie04 member

  

  January 2012

  I agree with all the ladies. I wanted to add a few things though.
  
   My FI lost his job due to the store closing. He was really depressed because he had been there since it opened and worked so hard. He felt like no matter how hard he worked, it didn't matter. (We later found out that they basically drove it into the ground on purpose because they wanted the building for a new store they were working on.) I recently found out that he felt like a failure.
  
  He took forever to find a job that paid even close to what he was making. (It was okay because he was getting unemployment.) He finally took a job at a nation wide furniture chain as a manager in training. He hates it! The store has been so slow he is hardly making anything since he is on comission. This job is really hard on our relationship because he is unhappy there, but he won't look for a new one. It is really frustrating!! So I hear you on that!!!
  
  My point to that whole story is maybe he is depressed about his degree and having a job he hates? Sometimes pressuring them makes it worse and makes them want to look less. I had to give Chad his space for a while and he eventually did it on his own. (He also had a hard time finding a job that paid better than his unemployment.) I think it took him 6 months to find something.
  
  I would sit down with your FI and tell him how you feel and how it is stressing you out. (Use "I" statements and try really hard not to get angry or make him feel like you are blaming him.) He also needs to understand that he can't keep complaining about his job if he won't do anything about it. And maybe discuss a reasonable time frame for him to find something better? I do not belive in letting him do this for an undetermined amount of time, for the record. That is not okay.
  
  Sorry about the really long post. I didn't mean for it to get so long.

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• DrPB2b13 member

  

  January 2012

  I agree with the possibility that he may be depressed; I dealt with that a couple of years ago when I finished school and had to start looking for a job because I'd been rejected from all of the graduate schools I applied to.  It took me the better part of a year to find something steady because every time I even considered looking, it seemed completely hopeless.  As weird as it may sound, aside from feeling tired and down (and/or angry) all of the time, one of the symptoms of depression is also mild insomnia, which may also explain why he stays up so late at night.
  
  Regardless of whether or not he IS depressed though, it does sound like it's time for a talk about work and money.  Try explaining that you're worried about paying for the wedding, and also that you're worried about him because he seems so unhappy at work.  Frame it  as an explanation that you want him to be happy with his life, and that means being happy with his work, too; which means you want to know IF HE would like to find a new job, and if so, how you are willing and able to support him in that endeavor - and asking what he needs from you as far as support goes.
  
  Good luck, I know it is a rough time right now but I'm sure you will both pull through this

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