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Unexpected guests

MollyandDMollyandD member
500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
A friend of mine saw me at a party last weekend and excitedly told me she had received her invitation in the mail. She then introduced me to a guy she had started dating (started AFTER I sent invitations) and said, "This is ____. I guess he'll be my plus 1."

I didn't give her a plus one, because she was truly single at the time. We also have a huge group of mutual friends, so she wouldn't be there alone. I was caught off guard and it was right in front of him, so I didn't say she couldn't bring him. Luckily, I listened to Addie's advice on here and gave myself wiggle room with the guest list, so I'll be able to accommodate him. I just hope other people don't think this is a free for all. 
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Re: Unexpected guests

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Smart move!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    If anyone asks, just don't tell them she was given a plus one. Maybe say something like "I'm so glad she has found someone she likes!" And then bean dip the hell out of them.
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yeah, that's rough. I mean, it's nice if you can accommodate new relationships that start after the invitations go out. But it's still really presumptuous of your friend to assume she could bring him (especially given that her invitation was sent to just her, and not her "and Guest"). And even more rude for her to say that in public, so you couldn't explain sorry, no.

    Bleh. Good on you for how you were able to handle it, though.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • weddingmcgeeweddingmcgee member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    I had a friend try to do that and I didn't say anything in front of the new "significant other" (I say that because how significant is someone who  you JUST started dating a week ago?). But I called my friend later and told him we aren't including plus ones for people who aren't in established relationships. If the extra person really doesn't make a difference to you, then I applaud you for handling it gracefully, even though it's super annoying. But we are having a wedding of around 40 guests at the most, very small and intimate and I didn't want a handful of single people bringing dates who aren't important people in their lives. It sounds bitchy, but I was upfront about it. My friend understood that I didn't want some potential flavor of the week at one of the more important events in my life. 
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  • insertusernamehereinsertusernamehere member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Teddy917 said:

    weddingmcgee said:

    I had a friend try to do that and I didn't say anything in front of the new "significant other" (I say that because how significant is someone who  you JUST started dating a week ago?). But I called my friend later and told him we aren't including plus ones for people who aren't in established relationships. If the extra person really doesn't make a difference to you, then I applaud you for handling it gracefully, even though it's super annoying. But we are having a wedding of around 40 guests at the most, very small and intimate and I didn't want a handful of single people bringing dates who aren't important people in their lives. It sounds bitchy, but I was upfront about it. My friend understood that I didn't want some potential flavor of the week at one of the more important events in my life. 

    Funny story to illustrate that you can't judge the seriousness of a relationship: My husband's grandma met her husband and he proposed on the same day. They were married 9 days later. And the marriage lasted I don't know how many years before he died.
    All I can picture is the beginning of Frozen.
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  • Teddy917Teddy917 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    LauraMichael2015 said:

    Teddy917 said:

    weddingmcgee said:

    I had a friend try to do that and I didn't say anything in front of the new "significant other" (I say that because how significant is someone who  you JUST started dating a week ago?). But I called my friend later and told him we aren't including plus ones for people who aren't in established relationships. If the extra person really doesn't make a difference to you, then I applaud you for handling it gracefully, even though it's super annoying. But we are having a wedding of around 40 guests at the most, very small and intimate and I didn't want a handful of single people bringing dates who aren't important people in their lives. It sounds bitchy, but I was upfront about it. My friend understood that I didn't want some potential flavor of the week at one of the more important events in my life. 

    Funny story to illustrate that you can't judge the seriousness of a relationship: My husband's grandma met her husband and he proposed on the same day. They were married 9 days later. And the marriage lasted I don't know how many years before he died.
    All I can picture is the beginning of Frozen.
    Well I'm pretty sure Grandpa could sing Hans part really well (he was an opera singer).

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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    weddingmcgee said:
    I had a friend try to do that and I didn't say anything in front of the new "significant other" (I say that because how significant is someone who  you JUST started dating a week ago?). But I called my friend later and told him we aren't including plus ones for people who aren't in established relationships. If the extra person really doesn't make a difference to you, then I applaud you for handling it gracefully, even though it's super annoying. But we are having a wedding of around 40 guests at the most, very small and intimate and I didn't want a handful of single people bringing dates who aren't important people in their lives. It sounds bitchy, but I was upfront about it. My friend understood that I didn't want some potential flavor of the week at one of the more important events in my life. 
    You sure are right there (bolded). I've THOUGHT something similar, but thank goodness I had the good sense to never say something so awful to someone I care about, because now that "flavor" is her boyfriend of 8 months and they are house hunting.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    weddingmcgee said:

    I had a friend try to do that and I didn't say anything in front of the new "significant other" (I say that because how significant is someone who  you JUST started dating a week ago?). But I called my friend later and told him we aren't including plus ones for people who aren't in established relationships. If the extra person really doesn't make a difference to you, then I applaud you for handling it gracefully, even though it's super annoying. But we are having a wedding of around 40 guests at the most, very small and intimate and I didn't want a handful of single people bringing dates who aren't important people in their lives. It sounds bitchy, but I was upfront about it. My friend understood that I didn't want some potential flavor of the week at one of the more important events in my life. 

    To the bolded: Yes.

    You don't get to judge the seriousness of someone's relationship. If your invites have already gone out, you can say that new relationships can't be accommodated, but if your invites haven't gone out, the SO should get invited BY NAME with your friend.

    And your friend may have TOLD you she understands, but believe me, she's side-eyeing you.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2014
    weddingmcgee If invites have already gone out, then no you don't have to accommodate new relationships. However, if your invites have not gone out, that means these people could be dating for 2 months or more once your wedding rolls around, and I was serious with my now FI after we were dating for 2 months.

    If this friend is no longer dating her now boyfriend that you named on the invitation, you don't have to accommodate a different guest. But you don't get to judge people's relationships. You at one point were dating your FI for only one week.

    ETA: Also, significant others are not plus ones. Plus ones are for truly single guests.
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