Bridesmaid help!

kirk&jessica · May 2014

AddieCake · May 2014

Copied and Pasted from Outdoor Weddings, since the OP was deleted:

So I've been engaged for a year and right away asked my friends to be bridesmaids. And right away I know I wanted everyone to wear cowboy boots, therefore they have had a year to save up. Well my wedding is 16 days away and two days ago one of my bridesmaid told me (her fiance is a groomsmen) that she didn't know how they were going to afford his boots. Today I asked her if she has figure it out to see what I could do to help and she told me that they'll just have to bite the bullet and buy them which sucks because he'll never wear them again. It's like she's trying to make me feel guilty, and honestly I do feel bad but at the same time they've had a year to save up, and now with just 16 days left there isn't much I can do. Also, the same bridesmaid refuses to get ready with us because she has a two year old at home ( which I told her she was more than welcome to bring him), which complicated things for me. I wanted certain pictures of us while getting ready but she won't be there, she plans to show up at our first look, I honestly feel like she isn't being very fair. Am I being unreasonable and what should I do?

If you wanted people to wear cowboy boots for your wedding, you should have paid for them. It is not for you to judge that they have had enough time to save up for expensive shoes that will not be worn again. Dress, tux or suit....these things the wedding party is responsible for. When the bride and groom start dictating accessories like shoes, they should pay for them.

Why do you need pics of your bridesmaids getting ready? Maybe she does not want to have to wrangle a toddler with everyone else there while trying to get ready herself.

kirk&jessica · May 2014

you can choose to see it that way, but a year ago I told them exactly what I wanted and THEY AGREED to pay for it. So how is it fair that 16 days before my wedding is when she decides to tell me she can't afford it, also I will be in her wedding next June and I have to pay for my dress, my shoes, my hair, makeup, and jewelry. So please tell me what the difference is, if she expects all of that to me (which I fully agreed to) would it be fair for two weeks before her wedding to tell her I can't afford it. no.

Jen4948 · May 2014

kirk&jessica said:

you can choose to see it that way, but a year ago I told them exactly what I wanted and THEY AGREED to pay for it. So how is it fair that 16 days before my wedding is when she decides to tell me she can't afford it, also I will be in her wedding next June and I have to pay for my dress, my shoes, my hair, makeup, and jewelry. So please tell me what the difference is, if she expects all of that to me (which I fully agreed to) would it be fair for two weeks before her wedding to tell her I can't afford it. no.

Regardless of what people agree to one year in advance, sometimes in life things happen that make it not possible for people to pay for what they agreed to one year previously. Maybe she's going through tough financial times, like she or her husband lost their job, had to take a pay cut, their house flooded or burned down, they suddenly got sick and incurred huge medical deductibles or uncovered expenses, or something like that. Be less judgmental about her not being able to afford the boots.

Also, some people don't like to be in "getting ready" photos because they don't like being photographed in states of undress, and they may only agree to it because they feel pressured and then later feel very uncomfortable.

If this is someone you really care about, lose the "it's not fair" attitude. And if it means that much to you that they wear specific items, pay for them yourself, especially if they've told you that they can't afford it. Otherwise, let it go. Your photos are not the most important aspect of your wedding-or they shouldn't be. Your getting married to the person you love, regardless of what everyone is wearing, is.

kirk&jessica · May 2014

I guess you guys aren't understanding, I honestly feel bad but with 16 days to go it's not in my budget either, and yes it does make a difference to me if he's not wearing the right stuff, and if it were your wedding I think you would be as well. As for not being able to afford it, she goes all the time, has her nails done, and money wise does whatever she wants, which is her business but that means if you commit to something and you obviously do have the money then you should do it. I have bent over backwards for this girl, which is hard to explain to someone who isn't around. I guess there is too much to the story to explain. and the pictures I want are not of her getting dressed ( that would be ridiculous) again not going to explain, thanks for the help!

Jen4948 · May 2014

kirk&jessica said:

I guess you guys aren't understanding, I honestly feel bad but with 16 days to go it's not in my budget either, and yes it does make a difference to me if he's not wearing the right stuff, and if it were your wedding I think you would be as well. As for not being able to afford it, she goes all the time, has her nails done, and money wise does whatever she wants, which is her business but that means if you commit to something and you obviously do have the money then you should do it. I have bent over backwards for this girl, which is hard to explain to someone who isn't around. I guess there is too much to the story to explain. and the pictures I want are not of her getting dressed ( that would be ridiculous) again not going to explain, thanks for the help!

Sorry, but it's not your place to decide what other people should do with their money. And we aren't going to be sympathetic to "it's hard to explain to someone who isn't around."

She isn't required to care about your wedding as much as you do.

kirk&jessica · May 2014

again not what I was saying, and I already said I know her money is her business. If you're going to be rude then don't respond! Leave it alone, you obviously care about it a little too much, don't need your opinion anyway. Thank you!

CMGragain · May 2014

No one has been rude to you. You just don't like hearing the truth.
Here is another piece of truth you won't like to hear: Cowboy boots look ridiculous on bridesmaids and groomsmen.

kirk&jessica · May 2014

did i ask your opinion on that? um no fuck off

NYCMercedes · May 2014

kirk&jessica said:

did i ask your opinion on that? um no fuck off

Nice!

AddieCake · May 2014

kirk&jessica said:

did i ask your opinion on that? um no fuck off

@KnotPorscha‌

Is it acceptable to tell posters to fuck off, especially when they have been perfectly polite?

CMGragain · May 2014

kirk&jessica said:

did i ask your opinion on that? um no fuck off

Now who is being rude?
Guess what, buttercup? This is an open internet forum. YOU posted on it. That means that, within the TOS rules, anyone can respond to your post anyway they want. You will get lots of opinions on what you posted. Some you will like, some you won't. Grow up.

lilacck28 · May 2014

If she said "I guess we're going to have to bite the bullet and buy them", then... isn't your problem solved? They're going to pay for the things that they shouldn't have to pay for. And since you have some negative feelings about this bridesmaid already, I doubt you'll care that much about missing a few pictures of her in whatever matching shirt/ robe/ whatever you bought for them to wear while getting ready. And after all this negativity, maybe you won't be friends with her soon anyway. So, relax, your wedding will look how you want.

phira · May 2014

kirk&jessica said:

did i ask your opinion on that? um no fuck off

Well, you posted on a forum asking for help with your situation. You asked if you were being unreasonable and asked what we thought you should do.

You are being unreasonable. It's okay for a bridesmaid to not be in photos of everyone getting ready. Not everyone is comfortable being photographed getting ready. Not only that, but like you mentioned, she has a toddler to look after. Seems pretty reasonable that she's not going to be at the venue before it's necessary for her to be there.

The general consensus on these boards is that, beyond asking for people to buy a particular dress within their budget, or buy/rent a suit/tux in their budget, any other attire requirements need to be paid for by the couple. If you want everyone in cowboy boots, then that's something you want for your photos. So you should pay for it if it's that important to you.

Is it irritating that one of the groomsmen did not buy the shoes that he agreed to buy, but if it's important to you, why can't you pay for them? And this is an issue with the groomsman, not with his significant other, even if she's also in the wedding party. It's unfair to blame her for the situation when it's the groomsman you're irritated with.

My advice is to let your bridesmaid arrive when she's able to, even if that's after you're done getting ready and she shows up already ready to go. And if the cowboy boots are important to you, offer to pay for them. Otherwise, accept that either one groomsman will be wearing different shoes. Or, if he does buy the boots at the last minute, then let it go. There's nothing to be gained by getting angry at his significant other for a perceived guilt trip.

Blue_Bird · May 2014

Am I being unreasonable?
Yes.
and what should I do?
Apologize to your bridesmaid for your unrealistic demands and either pay for the shoes yourself or let the issue go.

climbingsingle · May 2014

Another special snowflake bridezilla. There are too many of you running around.

kmmssg · May 2014

kirk&jessica said:

I guess you guys aren't understanding, I honestly feel bad but with 16 days to go it's not in my budget either, and yes it does make a difference to me if he's not wearing the right stuff, and if it were your wedding I think you would be as well. As for not being able to afford it, she goes all the time, has her nails done, and money wise does whatever she wants, which is her business but that means if you commit to something and you obviously do have the money then you should do it. I have bent over backwards for this girl, which is hard to explain to someone who isn't around. I guess there is too much to the story to explain. and the pictures I want are not of her getting dressed ( that would be ridiculous) again not going to explain, thanks for the help!

To the first bold: Nope, I am far more interested in the people who were standing up beside us than what they were wearing. People over pictures.

To the second bold: Whoa - I get my nails done every 2 weeks and if you think I am giving that up because my husband has to buy something crazy expensive to wear in a wedding one time, you are crazy.

To the third bold: again - people over pictures, people over pictures.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

So, I realise OP is probably long gone, but I am genuinely curious.

If people don't wear cowboy boots IRL, then I can only assume the desire for boots and dresses comes from Pinterest.

Do you think the brides who do this are going to look back in 5, 10, or 15 years and think, 'OMFG, what was I thinking, that look is terrible??'

Maggie0829 · May 2014

It is amazing how crazy people get over a pair of shoes that no one besides themselves will notice or care about.

sarawifenow · May 2014

kirk&jessica said:

did i ask your opinion on that? um no fuck off

Is it just me, or does this remind anyone of the "my brother died" troll a little bit ago?

jneen101 · May 2014

kirk&jessica said:

you can choose to see it that way, but a year ago I told them exactly what I wanted and THEY AGREED to pay for it. So how is it fair that 16 days before my wedding is when she decides to tell me she can't afford it, also I will be in her wedding next June and I have to pay for my dress, my shoes, my hair, makeup, and jewelry. So please tell me what the difference is, if she expects all of that to me (which I fully agreed to) would it be fair for two weeks before her wedding to tell her I can't afford it. no.

The difference is: cowboy boots as wedding attire are hideous.

Jen4948 · May 2014

kirk&jessica said:

again not what I was saying, and I already said I know her money is her business. If you're going to be rude then don't respond! Leave it alone, you obviously care about it a little too much, don't need your opinion anyway. Thank you!

No one was rude to you.

And if you already know her money is her business, well, it's not yours. It's not up to you to decide what other people should do with it.

And why should we "leave it alone" when you're the one who brought it up on an Internet forum and asked strangers for their opinions? Because by posting here, that's exactly what you did, so it's not appropriate for you to tell anyone to "leave it alone" or "you care too much" just by answering you. Once you post on an Internet forum or otherwise ask strangers their opinions, I'm afraid it's out of your control what answers you get. A grownup would refrain from snarking "I didn't ask you" or "You care too much" or "You're not there, you wouldn't understand." So I can only assume you're not a grownup.

lbuet348 · May 2014

My bridesmaids are wearing cowboy boots (I'm from Texas and we're getting married in the Stockyards so it fits okay! lol) 4 out of 6 bridesmaids already have boots.The 2 that don't have boots told me they have been wanting boots anyway so now they have a reason to buy some. If something happens and they can't afford to buy them, I am prepared to buy them for them or find some they can borrow for the day. Boots are expensive!

Maybe you can find someone who will let him borrow boots for your wedding?

[Deleted User] · May 2014

lbuet348 said:

My bridesmaids are wearing cowboy boots (I'm from Texas and we're getting married in the Stockyards so it fits okay! lol) 4 out of 6 bridesmaids already have boots.The 2 that don't have boots told me they have been wanting boots anyway so now they have a reason to buy some. If something happens and they can't afford to buy them, I am prepared to buy them for them or find some they can borrow for the day. Boots are expensive!

Maybe you can find someone who will let him borrow boots for your wedding?

I think that cowboy boots are like underwear and I'd never wear someone else's. I mean, unless they're just for show and only worn once or twice to a theme party, they're probably pretty broken in for the actual wearer and would probably be really uncomfortable for anyone else to wear.

Knope2014 · May 2014

What I don't understand about this is why you can't rent the boots. There are quite a few costume shops online, including ones that have boots, that you can have shipped to you, use, then send back. http://broadwaycostumes.com/ this place does it for 18.50 USD a pair.

tigersgirlgv · June 2014

kmmssg said:

kirk&jessica said:

I guess you guys aren't understanding, I honestly feel bad but with 16 days to go it's not in my budget either, and yes it does make a difference to me if he's not wearing the right stuff, and if it were your wedding I think you would be as well. As for not being able to afford it, she goes all the time, has her nails done, and money wise does whatever she wants, which is her business but that means if you commit to something and you obviously do have the money then you should do it. I have bent over backwards for this girl, which is hard to explain to someone who isn't around. I guess there is too much to the story to explain. and the pictures I want are not of her getting dressed ( that would be ridiculous) again not going to explain, thanks for the help!

To the first bold: Nope, I am far more interested in the people who were standing up beside us than what they were wearing. People over pictures.

To the second bold: Whoa - I get my nails done every 2 weeks and if you think I am giving that up because my husband has to buy something crazy expensive to wear in a wedding one time, you are crazy.

To the third bold: again - people over pictures, people over pictures.

I totally agree. I was told by a fellow bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding a few years ago, that "you just do what you gotta do," in regards to my expressing that I feel comfortable purchasing a very expensive bridesmaid's dress. I had set aside a very reasonable (in fact, pretty generous, according to everyone I told this story to) amount of money for this dress and I was not willing to go over that budget.

Could I have cut out a trip to the movies or going out to dinner once a month until the wedding and had the extra money? Sure. But I shouldn't have to, after already setting a budget (which I of course wasn't asked about...).

Maggie0829 · June 2014

Knope2014 said:

What I don't understand about this is why you can't rent the boots. There are quite a few costume shops online, including ones that have boots, that you can have shipped to you, use, then send back. http://broadwaycostumes.com/ this place does it for 18.50 USD a pair.

I could see this causing some major blisters and being extremely uncomfortable to have to wear all day long. Shoes need to be broken in on the wearers feet, especially boots.

Knottie36171128 · June 2014

Reading some of these comments has been most amusing lol.

coleford0 · June 2014

Knottie36171128 said:

Reading some of these comments has been most amusing lol.

Agreed haha. I actually liked the bit where the one bride told the other bride to fuck off. hah.

Knope2014 · June 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Knope2014 said:

What I don't understand about this is why you can't rent the boots. There are quite a few costume shops online, including ones that have boots, that you can have shipped to you, use, then send back. http://broadwaycostumes.com/ this place does it for 18.50 USD a pair.

I could see this causing some major blisters and being extremely uncomfortable to have to wear all day long. Shoes need to be broken in on the wearers feet, especially boots.

I agree in most cases, but a pair of boots with socks and insoles should be okay. However, this is my opinion, and I've had to deal with uncomfortable boot and no other option in the past. What I believe the best option would be is to get thick socks, maybe pack some mole skin for jic, a pair of insoles, and renting the boots in the right size. But, to be clear, I would cover all of this as the bride requiring it. And I'd probably only want them in the boots for the ceremony and pictures, afterwords let them wear whatever shoes they want. Or, hell, dance in your socks if you want, I don't care.

Bridesmaid help!

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