[disregard this]

meganxx29 · May 2014

Peaseblossom55 · May 2014

There will be so many people who will be excited for you when you become engaged, family, friends, co-workers. It may hurt a bit that she isn't as excited as you hoped, may be she will because it's her own sister. I would focus your energy on the people who are excited for you, not the one person who may not. Try not to let it bring you down!

phira · May 2014

meganxx29 said:

I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly six years, and we've talked about marriage nearly the whole time. He's saving for the ring and says we'll be engaged by the fall. Nothing excites me more than knowing the wait is almost over! However, my older sister hates weddings. She's cynical, sarcastic, and rolls her eyes every time she notices a recent engagement on Facebook. I'm dreading the phone call I'll make to her to tell her we're engaged because she's going to be such a damper on our parade. Every time I think about it, it saddens me. Calling family and friends to announce your engagement should be the most exciting experience, but I know she's going to bring us down. Have any of you dealt with this kind of situation?

I'm not entirely sure what kind of advice you could really be asking for. What's going to happen is that eventually you will get engaged, and then you will tell your sister you're engaged. You can't control her reaction to it, and I honestly think you're overthinking her reaction. I am totally an eye-roller at a lot of engagements/weddings on Facebook, but I'm still excited for my friends and family when they get engaged or married. What makes you think your sister is going to reply to, "We're engaged!" with, "Ugh, whatever, marriage is stupid?"

I guess what I'm saying is that you can't control how your sister (or anyone) is going to react whenever you get engaged, and it's kind of a waste of your time to worry about it.

bethsmiles · May 2014

I agree with @Phira This really is a non issue. You could be completly off the mark about what her reaction will be. Even if you arent, don't set high expectations and you won't be disappointed.

Dignity100 · May 2014

I agree - you're worried for nothing. You cannot control other people. Wait until you're engaged before you worry about her reaction. If you feel you want to pre-warn her, then let her know you and BF have had discussions.

loves2shop4shoes · May 2014

You're not engaged yet, and it sounds like you're several months away, so this shouldn't be stressing you out right now.

Also, you cannot control other people, what they say, or what they do. The only thing you can control is how you react to it. She can only "bring you down" if you allow her to.

Also, I had a few less than stellar responses to my engagement. My Aunt Rose said, "Oh, you said yes? Cuz you could think about it for a while..." And my grandmother said, "Oh. Are you sure this is what you want? Because you really don't have to get married, you know."

Was it sort of sad that that's the response I got? Sure. But the day of DH's proposal was the single happiest day of my life, and no amount of snark from my family could bring me down. I shrugged it off as "These are two women who have miserable marriages, and they can't understand why anyone would want to get married. This is not specific to me. It's not personal, so why should I take it personally?"

When the time comes for you, I'd encourage you to take a similar approach. If your sister is like that with EVERYONE, then it won't be personal if she does it to you. So don't take it personally. Obviously she has her own issues about engagement/marriage and she cannot help but project those onto other people. Again, she can only ruin your happiness if you let her.

ecotime47 · May 2014

I hope she doesn't ruin your big announcement with a bad attitude..... No matter what she may say, I'm sure your sister will be very proud for you. Congrats!

Emmyghoul · May 2014

I was a horrible big sis when my sis called to announce her engagement. I was half asleep when she called (at 10pm knowing I had to work at 4am!) she told me and the first words out of my mouth were

"it's going to be a long engagement, right?"

Oops. But, she and her fi had only been together for a year, it's her first serious relationship, and not 6 month earlier the had broken up due to commitment issues. Yeah... I wasn't very hopeful for the relationship.

I will also throw in that I was incredibly jealous. Manpanion and I have been talking about getting engaged for longer than they had been dating, and now, knowing her I had to wait even longer so as not to "steal her thunder" since she is that type of person.

We have since had a heart to heart to heart, I apologized for being cynical, told her I do wish her the best, but I worry that she'll be hurt since I was the one consoling her during the breakup. I also told her that it was a massive surprise and that she kind of ruined what I thought was happening with me.

I had just gone out of town for a friends wedding and manpanion and my dad were going to hang out. In my mind, it was going to be "that " conversation, but since she sprung her engagement on us all, then I had to wait to be respectful. She understood my points, and appreciated my apology. It's water under the bridge now.

Cynical big sis may not be meaning to be mean or rain on your parade. I hope she'll be happy for you, even if she's a bit cynical to begin with.

mrsmorales2be · May 2014

Cross that bridge when you get there. And in the meantime, quit worrying about it. It's not going to help or change anything...it's just going to make you unnecessarily anxious about something that you don't know will happen and that you can't control.

meganxx29 · May 2014

Thanks everyone! Love your insight. I'm just going to stop worrying about her reaction, because it's useless to do so.

phira · May 2014

meganxx29 said:

Thanks everyone! Love your insight. I'm just going to stop worrying about her reaction, because it's useless to do so.

In the meantime, stick around! One of our jobs is keeping people distracted from obsessing over impending engagements.

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