Assigned seating--kids and teen tables?

kitty8403 · May 2014

So the assigned seating thread got me thinking. Parents, do you prefer that children be assigned to sit with you, or at their own table with other children? How old/young?

For teenagers, better to seat with other teens or with their parents?

Fairyjen1 · May 2014

I'm not a parent, but I was once a kid

As a teen I would have preferred to sit at a table with other teens. Also, as a teen, I would hate to be sat a table with kids who were younger than teens because that would have most likely meant I was expected to watch them. I'm thinking 12 and over is a good cut off.

If a child still needs to be watched they should probably be sat with their parents or a babysitter who is paid. Otherwise another guest will end up being responsible.

Take what I say with a grain of salt, though. I don't have a horse in this race as I don't have any kids!

OliveOilsMom · May 2014

For children, you should seat them with their parents, so they can keep an eye on them. As for the teenagers, they should be old enough to eat separately. But make sure they know each other, at the least.

I know that at my brother's wedding, my 17 year old (at the time cousin) was not allowed to sit at the other table he was assigned, because of this cousin's bad behavior. His parents required him to sit with them, to keep an eye on him. So that should also be considered when seating just teenagers away from their parents.

phira · May 2014

This is a good question!

We were planning on putting teens together and young kids together (and no kids with their parents). But we're not sure about mixing up my cousins with his cousins, and we're also not sure if we should seat my brother's girlfriend's daughter with him and his girlfriend. She'll be 8 at the time of the wedding, and the only kids her age are my cousins who are 1) mostly a little older, 2) all boys, 3) kind of obnoxious, and 4) pretty much strangers to her.

lyndausvi · May 2014

This is very much know your crowd thing.

Growing up we always sat with our other cousins at weddings. Parents always sat together. Heck it's the same way today. My aunts and uncles, parents all always sit together. My siblings asked to be sat together and their kids ages 6 - 13 to be at their own table.

Other social groups do not do that. One thing I would not do is combines kids from different sides. For example I always sat with my cousins, but we were not put with the cousins from was from the other side.

JaxInBlue · May 2014

lyndausvi said:

This is very much know your crowd thing.

Growing up we always sat with our other cousins at weddings. Parents always sat together. Heck it's the same way today. My aunts and uncles, parents all always sit together. My siblings asked to be sat together and their kids ages 6 - 13 to be at their own table.

Other social groups do not do that. One thing I would not do is combines kids from different sides. For example I always sat with my cousins, but we were not put with the cousins from was from the other side.

Agree with this. Especially the bolded.

I'm the oldest of a long line of cousins so there were a lot of teen/tween cousins when DH and I got married. I was comfortable seating them all together since the "kids" table is a thing in my family at holidays, picnics, etc.; the table was within eyesight and earshot of their parents.

On DH's side, we have nieces and nephews from 18 down to 2. They all sat with their parents as the kids table is less of a tradition in his family and there was no way some of the youngest kids could sit separately from their parents.

We did not mix my cousins with the nieces and and nephews.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

Like other PP have said, it's a know your crowd decision. At my wedding, there are only going to be a handful of children ages 11-18. One is the son of my FI groomsman, who won't know anyone else at the wedding other than his parents. Three of them are my cousins, so they all know each other. One is my FI cousin's child, who also won't know the other children. There are two other children who are 2 or 3. It makes no sense in my situation to do a kids table, so all of the kids will sit with their parents.

In my family, children always sit with their parents. In my FI family all of his cousins usually sit together, and their parents sit at another table. Whatever you decide, I wouldn't mix kids together if they don't know each other.

lilacck28 · May 2014

I ALWAYS wanted to be with my parents. Even as a teenager. Actually, funny/ horrifying story: I had my first kiss at a wedding as a teenager when I got seated with the bridal party. He was too old for me. And awkward and weird. And I tried to avoid him , but didn't do a good job. Oh man was that disgusting. (I kept going to my dad being like "i'm trying to be nice but..." and my dad did not get what was happening until afterwards when I was like "he KISSED me it was so gross, why didn't you help!!??" and he was all "oops. had no idea")

Anyway, there were also situations when I was a little kid, and I just preferred the company of my parents/ the adults. I liked the adult conversations. And if I wasn't seated with my parents, I would usually just stand by them for a while whenever I could anyway. I could handle being seated with other kids if I knew them (say, my brother) but yeah, didn't like it. Like a PP mentioned, that usually meant I was in charge. And even if not... just because you're closish family/ distant family, doesn't mean the conversation flows. Lots of silence and straining for things to talk about. Awful.

I remember conversations with my mom about how she was annoyed not to be seated with me/ my brother. Sometimes she would just disregard what she was told and sit with me anyway (at less formal events than weddings.)

kitty8403 · May 2014

lilacck28 said:
I ALWAYS wanted to be with my parents. Even as a teenager. Actually, funny/ horrifying story: I had my first kiss at a wedding as a teenager when I got seated with the bridal party. He was too old for me. And awkward and weird. And I tried to avoid him , but didn't do a good job. Oh man was that disgusting. (I kept going to my dad being like "i'm trying to be nice but..." and my dad did not get what was happening until afterwards when I was like "he KISSED me it was so gross, why didn't you help!!??" and he was all "oops. had no idea")

Anyway, there were also situations when I was a little kid, and I just preferred the company of my parents/ the adults. I liked the adult conversations. And if I wasn't seated with my parents, I would usually just stand by them for a while whenever I could anyway. I could handle being seated with other kids if I knew them (say, my brother) but yeah, didn't like it. Like a PP mentioned, that usually meant I was in charge. And even if not... just because you're closish family/ distant family, doesn't mean the conversation flows. Lots of silence and straining for things to talk about. Awful.

I remember conversations with my mom about how she was annoyed not to be seated with me/ my brother. Sometimes she would just disregard what she was told and sit with me anyway (at less formal events than weddings.)

Oh my gosh! That's awful!

lilacck28 · May 2014

I should clarify: my horrifying experience was not sexual assault or anything like that. I don't think he was "illegal too old" for me... maybe right on the cusp though . And our experiences at the time were very different. He was all "do you go to parties? I'm in a frat. parties are awesome. do you get wasted a lot?" and I was all "no. I'm a good student in high school. I like reading. I'm on the debate team." The gross part was more his personality/ appearance than his age.

kitty8403 · May 2014

No, honey, that's assault. You might've both been kids, so maybe not technically criminal, but still not ok for him to do that!

I've been through a few questionable things like that--some kid stuff, some not--but never at a special occasion with my parents right there!

lilacck28 · May 2014

I was uncomfortable, but ultimately consented. I was trying to "be nice" and trying to like him. When he was like "let's go over here" I just said okay and followed. And when the kiss happened (I pretty much knew that's what he wanted and was about to occur... I think? If I remember right) in my head I was like "well, you're too old to not have a first kiss by now. try it out. try to like it." I tried kissing him for, one, two seconds and then was all "NOPE" and backed away.

kitty8403 · May 2014

Aren't you glad we aren't teenagers anymore? You sure raised a good point, though. I never would have thought of that--probably fine as long as lots of brothers and cousins are around!

lilacck28 · May 2014

It was actually my cousin who was trying to set us up .... and probably implied I was interested (and maybe "easy"?) before I even met him. So... whole other issue.

And I am SO glad not to be a teenager anymore. Going to college was great, graduate school/ post graduate school/ now is even better.

phira · May 2014

lilacck28 said:

I was uncomfortable, but ultimately consented. I was trying to "be nice" and trying to like him. When he was like "let's go over here" I just said okay and followed. And when the kiss happened (I pretty much knew that's what he wanted and was about to occur... I think? If I remember right) in my head I was like "well, you're too old to not have a first kiss by now. try it out. try to like it." I tried kissing him for, one, two seconds and then was all "NOPE" and backed away.

Ehhhhh .... you get to define your experiences, but that sounds like a not very enthusiastic consent.

lilacck28 · May 2014

phira said:
Ehhhhh .... you get to define your experiences, but that sounds like a not very enthusiastic consent.

True that, yo. But I was quiet and I guess sending mixed signals by complying (aka, going with him and dancing with him.) As far as I could tell, the guy was not a predator, just lame. Maybe it was fishy... but all is well. I consider it more of a funny/ cringe-worthy story than traumatizing.

ETA: I don't mean to keep apologizing for him. He was a creep. But when I wanted the kiss to stop, he let me. So, not great, but, there's that.

kmmssg · May 2014

If you have a small number of children and you KNOW: 1. Parents would be ok with them being at a kids table for dinner, and 2. You KNOW these children will behave kinda unsupervised with nice linens, dishes, and food then go for it.

Me personally, I think for the dinner portion kids should eat dinner with their parents. I have the 6 cutest g'kids on the planet, but there is no way in Hell they should be at a very nice table away from their parents for dinner. Those cousins can wreak a bit of havoc when together. When they are teens - probably won't be a problem but they range from 6 up to 12 and it would be a bad idea.

I am kind of a fan of families sitting together for things like weddings. After dinner, have a kids table, but you REALLY need to know your crowd on this and I do NOT recommend it for younger kids.

lyndausvi · May 2014

kmmssg said:

If you have a small number of children and you KNOW: 1. Parents would be ok with them being at a kids table for dinner, and 2. You KNOW these children will behave kinda unsupervised with nice linens, dishes, and food then go for it.

Me personally, I think for the dinner portion kids should eat dinner with their parents. I have the 6 cutest g'kids on the planet, but there is no way in Hell they should be at a very nice table away from their parents for dinner. Those cousins can wreak a bit of havoc when together. When they are teens - probably won't be a problem but they range from 6 up to 12 and it would be a bad idea.

I am kind of a fan of families sitting together for things like weddings. After dinner, have a kids table, but you REALLY need to know your crowd on this and I do NOT recommend it for younger kids.

See my family were always you sit as a family for dinner every night type of family (maybe not every night, but I would say 6/5 out 7 nights). So during special events the thought was "I have dinner with my kids every night for dinner. It's a treat to be able to sit with my sibling I do not get to see often".

Of couse it's goes back to knowing your crowd. Our kids table had 6, 9,9, 10,10,10 and a 13 year old. They were right next to the parents table. My siblings are sort-of strict parents so I'm sure the fear of God was put in them to behave. But really they sit as a group most times we get together anyway. The love sitting with their cousins. My siblings made it a tech free event to. No kids sticking their heads in a video game.

FizzySips · May 2014

While the concept of a kids table sounds good how is this different from the "singles' table" that is advocated against?

lyndausvi · May 2014

FizzySips said:

While the concept of a kids table sounds good how is this different from the "singles' table" that is advocated against?

When doing assigned tables it's the host responsibility to make sure guests are comfortable at the table. In MY CASE, I know my 7 nieces and nephews enjoy each others company and they are well behaved. I also know my siblings prefer to sit together so they can catch up (we all live far from each other). So we had a "kids" table.

Putting randoms kids together simple because they are kids is not a smart idea anymore that putting a bunch of singles together simply because they are singles is a good idea. Just because you fit a category doesn't mean you will be comfortable at the table. It's silly.

If your situation is like mine where the kids all know each other and enjoy sitting together it's no different than putting a group of adult friends together.

aurianna · May 2014

I was painfully shy (still am, really). So as a teenager... If the other teens were my cousins / people I knew well, I'd want to sit with them. If I didn't know them well, I'd want to sit with my parents. Know your crowd and if you don't mind being flexible and have the time to do it you could always ask the parents what their kids would want (or ask the kids directly).11

Jen4948 · May 2014

It seems to be a kind of "know the parents/kids" thing to me. Some parents prefer that their kids sit with them; others are okay with a kids' table. And some kids are okay with a kids' table, while others prefer to sit with their parents. And even there, it may also depend on what other kids will be there and other factors.

phira · May 2014

FizzySips said:

While the concept of a kids table sounds good how is this different from the "singles' table" that is advocated against?

Normally I'm not putting all the kids at a table together because I'm hoping that by the end of the night, they'll pair up and not be kids anymore?

ashleyep · May 2014

I'm one of 17 grandkids on my mom's side. We still have kids tables comprised of us and our dates :P

But on my dad's side I'm going to put my two cousins with their dad. They won't know the other kids, so I'm not going to do that to them.

If you have a table(s) worth of kids who know each other, then I say yes. If not, put them with their parents.

lyndausvi · May 2014

ashleyep said:

I'm one of 17 grandkids on my mom's side. We still have kids tables comprised of us and our dates :P

But on my dad's side I'm going to put my two cousins with their dad. They won't know the other kids, so I'm not going to do that to them.

If you have a table(s) worth of kids who know each other, then I say yes. If not, put them with their parents.

I'm one of the youngest of 24 grandkids and I'm old. We now have kids (me) and grandkids tables. My mom's siblings and SO ALWAYS sit together (no matter the even or if there are assigned tables). My generation always seems to sit together. Then the next generation seems to gravitate to one another. It's just what we do.

DH's side is not like that. It's more of a mix of generations at all the tables, but not necessary your immediate family.

Simply Fated · May 2014

I'm not a fan of kids tables at all. Maybe I'm biased because we never had them at my family gatherings. Thank goodness because most of the time I was the only kid there lol. If cousins were included, I was the oldest and would have felt out of place.
When the adults did try to push us together (all of the two times that happened), one cousin would cry until her dad took her away back to his table. My other two cousins would just up and walk to their mom's table. The youngest cousin would crawl under the table until her dad would come and whisk her away. Which would leave little old shy me sitting by herself calmly eating her dinner roll and trying to figure out why I had to sit all by myself.

Anyway, for the most part... the kids tables I did happen to see were either empty because the kids were all gathered at their parents tables or crowded with the parents hovering around their kids. I never understood the explanation, "parents can get some free time" because it seems like the opposite ends up happening.

Assigned seating--kids and teen tables?

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