Words of Wisdom re: Marriage

grumbledore · May 2014

I just said something to someone and it made me think about TK - in response to a guy who is having a hard time with his fiancee:

"You are marrying this woman. You are about to promise to support her no matter how much it sucks."

Anyone else have any words of wisdom for our Knotties?

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

You have the best words of wisdom I've ever heard about marriage in your signature.

But basically, you are marrying this person, for better or for worse, forever, because that's what 'until death do us part' means, and if you're even a little bit not sure about this, then do not go down that aisle until you are 100 percent sure that you are willing to commit to this person forever and ever and ever amen.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Don't do anything that Kim Kardashian does

But really marriage is a serious decision, not something you do just for shits and giggles. Marriage is not always fun and happy and roses and sunshine and puppy dogs. You are pledging to be with this person for the rest of your life. And being with someone for that long you will have problems and huge ass arguments and you will not like them from time to time. You will need to learn to compromise and give up things and accept that person for who they are now, not who you hope you can mold them into. Oh and you and your SO should really have major talks about work, children, religion, money and what you want in a marriage BEFORE you start planning the wedding.

jdluvr06 · May 2014

When FI and I got engaged my aunt told me to imagine the worse possible scenario that didn't involve either of us dying and ask myself if your FI and you can survive it together.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

Well, I'm not married. But Fi and I have made it for 11 years through a lot of ups and downs.

One thing I've been thinking about lately is the concept that marriage takes work. Of course it takes work-- but I think there's a balance. I have friends who are constantly on-off and struggling to maintain relationships when they just don't fit. We have all seen stories on TK of people unsatisfied in a relationship but they stay because they think it's the right thing to do. A good relationship should always feel worth it, even if you have to work through a rough patch.

emmyg65 · May 2014

Marriage takes a lot of work sometimes. Dedicate yourself to it. Keep talking to each other. Help each other out. Be partners.

Advice from a friend: "Marriage is not 50/50. Sometimes it's 70/30, sometimes 10/90. Pick up the slack and don't keep count."

grumbledore · May 2014

emmyg65 said:

Marriage takes a lot of work sometimes. Dedicate yourself to it. Keep talking to each other. Help each other out. Be partners.

Advice from a friend: "Marriage is not 50/50. Sometimes it's 70/30, sometimes 10/90. Pick up the slack and don't keep count."

I love that!

SapphireCounselor · May 2014

JCbride2015 said:
Well, I'm not married. But Fi and I have made it fotr 11 years through a lot of ups and downs.

One thing I've been thinking about lately is the concept that marriage takes work. Of course it takes work-- but I think there's a balance. I have friends who are constantly on-off and struggling to maintain relationships when they just don't fit. We have all seen stories on TK of people unsatisfied in a relationship but they stay because they think it's the right thing to do. A good relationship should always feel worth it, even if you have to work through a rough patch.

I totally agree with this. Yes, marriage is work and means some sacrifices, but it shouldn't always be about how much you can endure. It should be worth it and bring joy/comfort to your life more often than not.

Eta Marriage isn't always 50/50 either. Totally agree. But don't keep count!

beachyone15 · May 2014

I heard somewhere that "women marry a man hoping he'll change, and men marry a woman hoping she won't". I think it's a good thing if both parties love each other for the person they already are!!

SmileDamnit · May 2014

grumbledore said:

emmyg65 said:

Marriage takes a lot of work sometimes. Dedicate yourself to it. Keep talking to each other. Help each other out. Be partners.

Advice from a friend: "Marriage is not 50/50. Sometimes it's 70/30, sometimes 10/90. Pick up the slack and don't keep count."

I love that!

Me too! I've always liked the "60/40" but this is even better!

phira · May 2014

Another vote for any variation on the advice: Don't marry someone hoping they'll change.

CMGragain · May 2014

emmyg65 said:

Marriage takes a lot of work sometimes. Dedicate yourself to it. Keep talking to each other. Help each other out. Be partners.

Advice from a friend: "Marriage is not 50/50. Sometimes it's 70/30, sometimes 10/90. Pick up the slack and don't keep count."

I actually disagree. Marriage is 100/100! It is very hard work, and it never stops. (Just got off the phone with my daughter')

grumbledore · May 2014

CMGragain said:

emmyg65 said:

Marriage takes a lot of work sometimes. Dedicate yourself to it. Keep talking to each other. Help each other out. Be partners.

Advice from a friend: "Marriage is not 50/50. Sometimes it's 70/30, sometimes 10/90. Pick up the slack and don't keep count."

I actually disagree. Marriage is 100/100! It is very hard work, and it never stops. (Just got off the phone with my daughter')

I like this too, but I think we need to accept the fact that sometimes, one half of the couple just isn't going to be able to give their share. They might be sick, or in crisis, or just falling apart for any number of reasons, and when that happens the other half has to step up.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

grumbledore said: CMGragain said: emmyg65 said: Marriage takes a lot of work sometimes. Dedicate yourself to it. Keep talking to each other. Help each other out. Be partners.
Advice from a friend: "Marriage is not 50/50. Sometimes it's 70/30, sometimes 10/90. Pick up the slack and don't keep count." I actually disagree. Marriage is 100/100! It is very hard work, and it never stops. (Just got off the phone with my daughter')
I like this too, but I think we need to accept the fact that sometimes, one half of the couple just isn't going to be able to give their share. They might be sick, or in crisis, or just falling apart for any number of reasons, and when that happens the other half has to step up. If I can be mathematically pedantic (and it's 4.25 in the afternoon, so why not?) I think you have to give 100 percent of what you're able to give. So sometimes, that might be 100% of 100% because you're operating at full capacity, and other times, giving 100% of what you can give is only 50% of yourself because that's all you have right then in that moment.

ETA: WTF, TK, where are the boxes??

erinlin25 · May 2014

There is no such thing as "Happily Ever After." Yes, there are days where life is wonderful but there are also days where you just might not like each other, and that is OK. Too many think life is a fairytale where getting married will fix everything and make it perfect. My H has seen me at my best but loved me at my worst, and that is how I knew he was the one for me.

beharrington · May 2014

Best advice I got from my parents: Marriage is a commitment to work together when you are facing problems. It's not something to just give up on when it gets hard. Always remember to enjoy the good moments and laugh together as often as you can, because that's what makes it worth working through the difficult times.

We are a family that loves to dance. As kids, we'd come downstairs to find my parents dancing together in the living room. It was gross then but I love that they made that kind of time for each other. Now, when DH and I are doing chores or whatnot, I will have the music blaring through the house and one of us will randomly grab the other and start dancing. I think back to those days when I would catch my parents dancing and feel incredibly blessed.

Inkdancer · May 2014

I like all of the above, very true! My contribution:

Assume the best. If your partner says something that can be taken two ways, assume they said it in love. If your partner is out late, assume they are running an errand instead of cheating. Do not look for trouble where there is none. If you treat your partner with grace, they will return the favor, and you will save yourself a lot of heartache.

(This doesn't mean ignoring signs. If your partner is being distant or mean or self-contradictory, talk about that. But don't go looking for ways that the sky is falling, chicken little.)

Words of Wisdom re: Marriage

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