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Inviting your Officiant...

perdonamiperdonami member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
...Do I formally invite her by mailing her an invitation? We already know that she will be there at the ceremony and already has all the wedding information. But, for some reason I feel like she should be provided an invitation. Is this proper etiquette or am I being silly?

Also, recently a very close friend of ours has recently suffered from a series of misfortune. Amognst the unforunate events, he lost his girlfriend who we have already invited by sending them a save the date. Do I address the invitation to both of them just in case they reconcile, should I only invite him, or should I invite him with a plus one and just not list anyone's name? 
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Re: Inviting your Officiant...

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    pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    perdonami said:

    ...Do I formally invite her by mailing her an invitation? We already know that she will be there at the ceremony and already has all the wedding information. But, for some reason I feel like she should be provided an invitation. Is this proper etiquette or am I being silly?


    Also, recently a very close friend of ours has recently suffered from a series of misfortune. Amognst the unforunate events, he lost his girlfriend who we have already invited by sending them a save the date. Do I address the invitation to both of them just in case they reconcile, should I only invite him, or should I invite him with a plus one and just not list anyone's name? 
    I would send the officiant an invite, but don't know that it is required.

    He is not seeing her now, spp sent to just him. Feel free to add a plus one if you want

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    RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I didn't send our officiant an invite as she was purely a vendor who I was paying an incredibly high hourly rate. I think if you have a personal connection, it would be nice. 

    As for the second, seeing her name would be salt on the wound of breaking up since they're not together. If she was only invited because of him, I'm sure she doesn't expect to be invited so just leave her name off or add a plus one, like PP suggested.
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    melbelleupmelbelleup member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    edited May 2014
    If you would like your officiant there, send them an invite is the best way to do it. My priest actually didn't know who would be marrying me, so I never sent an invite because I didn't know who to address it to. I'm going to call them later today (Today marks a month until my wedding) and figure out who is officiating my wedding and then ask him if he'd like to attend the reception and then meal choices if he says yes. If he says no, no biggy. I'm expecting a no though because if it is my priest doing it, he'll have to do mass at 4:30 until 5:30 anyways which is when we'll be eating. 

    ETA: For your friend, just address it to him and add "and Guest" if you'd like to have him have a plus one. If not, then just list his name. Since he's no longer seeing her, she should not be listed.
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    melbensomelbenso member
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    We sent an invitation to our officiant.  But we were also inviting his wife and their child.  Also, we are doing a plated meal, so we needed their meal choices.
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    FizzySipsFizzySips member
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    We sent an invite to our officiant and his wife (easier to track RSVPs and meal choices) for the wedding and rehearsal dinner.
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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    mysticl said:
    perdonami said:
    ...Do I formally invite her by mailing her an invitation? We already know that she will be there at the ceremony and already has all the wedding information. But, for some reason I feel like she should be provided an invitation. Is this proper etiquette or am I being silly?

    Also, recently a very close friend of ours has recently suffered from a series of misfortune. Amognst the unforunate events, he lost his girlfriend who we have already invited by sending them a save the date. Do I address the invitation to both of them just in case they reconcile, should I only invite him, or should I invite him with a plus one and just not list anyone's name? 
    This makes it sound like she died and I was seriously wondering why you would invite a dead woman to your wedding until I saw the word "reconcile" a few lines down.  
    Phew, glad I wasn't the only one who thought that.
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    phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Our officiant is my godmother, so she'll definitely be invited.

    From what I understand, a lot of pastors/ministers who know the couple personally may expect an invitation and attend the reception, but lots of JoPs or officiants who only know the couple because the couple hired them for the wedding will decline an invitation or not expect one.

    So basically--who's your officiant?

    As for the couple who broke up, it's tough to say. Etiquette-wise, anyone who got a save-the-date needs an invitation. But if you don't know the ex-girlfriend very well, she's likely not expecting an invitation. If you became good friends with her while she was dating your friend, if she was already one of your friends, or if she has lots of mutual friends at the wedding, she may still be expecting an invitation.

    So my advice:

    If you barely know the ex-girlfriend and you feel confident she is not expecting an invitation now that her relationship has ended: send your friend an invitation addressed to just him (with or without a guest--that depends on whether or not you're inviting single guests with plus ones). Do not send one addressed to both of them in the hopes that they'll reconcile.

    If the ex-girlfriend may still be expecting an invitation (for one of the reasons stated above): send them each separate invitations. It's likely she will decline anyway. If she doesn't decline, seat them far apart.
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    perdonamiperdonami member
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    Unfortunately, I don't have a relationship with our officiant other than a professional one, but I like her a lot when we met her. It was my understanding that you were suppose to ask your officiant if they would like to attend the reception as without them you could not be married. She already asked if I was going to invite her and I said of course I would. I imagine she will attend too so I guess its wise to provide her with a formal invitation.

    No one likes his ex-girlfriend and the only reason I extended an invitation to her was to be polite. In fact, I don't think she even likes me as the only time I met her she was very rude to me. Frankly, everyone is a little relieved they have gone their seperate ways but I still feel bad for him. I am going to address his invitation for him and plus guest. Who knows, they may reconcile as they have always had an on-and-off-again relationship. 
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    phiraphira member
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    It's not so much whether or not you like this ex-girlfriend. If you're not sure about giving him a plus one, just check in with him before you send the invitation.
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    perdonamiperdonami member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment

    phira said:
    It's not so much whether or not you like this ex-girlfriend. If you're not sure about giving him a plus one, just check in with him before you send the invitation.
    I know, that's why I invited her but if they aren't a couple I wont be inviting her. 
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    iloveotters2014iloveotters2014 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    A similar situation happened with my husband's boss when we were sending out our invites. He and his gf had broken up (for the like 500th time). So I put "Blah Blah + Guest".

    Well they decided to reconcile that weekend. So she was the one who opened the invitation and was PISSED. If there is no chance of them getting back together on a whim or if she isnt the vindictive type, then I would just do + Guest....if not.....good luck.
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