Never thought I'd be considering B-listing...

sarahonlife · May 2014

So with two RSVPs still outstanding, it looks like my fiance will have three of his guests at our wedding. His parents and his brother. That's it. It was a small guest list anyway (I have 14 coming), so it's not like hundreds declined or anything, but I feel really bad that none of his family wanted to come. Not even his step-grandma who lives 20 minutes away. I don't even know what to do in this situation. He says it doesn't bother him. I'm considering messaging one or two his friends on Facebook (the only way I'd have to contact them) and asking if they want to come, but it feels awful to do that. Help? Or just convince me it'll be ok?

pinkshorts27 · May 2014

sarahonlife said:

So with two RSVPs still outstanding, it looks like my fiance will have three of his guests at our wedding. His parents and his brother. That's it. It was a small guest list anyway (I have 14 coming), so it's not like hundreds declined or anything, but I feel really bad that none of his family wanted to come. Not even his step-grandma who lives 20 minutes away. I don't even know what to do in this situation. He says it doesn't bother him. I'm considering messaging one or two his friends on Facebook (the only way I'd have to contact them) and asking if they want to come, but it feels awful to do that. Help? Or just convince me it'll be ok?

It will be okay. Don't do that. They would feel awful and it would look like you are pitting him. Think of it this way, all of your guests are both of your guests.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

Believe your Fi when he says it's okay. He would feel like you pity him if you invite those friends, and they'd probably feel like it's a pity invite, too. Just enjoy the ones who will be there!

APDSS22 · May 2014

You'll be there, hopefully that's the only guest he really needs.

sarahonlife · May 2014

APDSS22 said:

You'll be there, hopefully that's the only guest he really needs.

When we found out his grandmother wasn't coming and he said "So, I'll only have three guests..." I did say "We'll count me as your guest." and it brought a smile to his face. So hopefully that'll be enough.

And he does love my mom and brother!

Jells2dot0 · May 2014

We didn't have any guests and it was the most perfect, amazing day! Everything will be great!

QueerFemme · May 2014

Don't invite extra people via facebook. It will be fine.

twitterbird · May 2014

My future brother in law had a destination wedding in Cuba (we're Canadian) and had only his mother, brother (my fiancé), and a friend plus the friend's wife. 4 people on his side. His wife had 20 or more go from her side. It was still a good time.

Simply Fated · May 2014

sarahonlife said:

So with two RSVPs still outstanding, it looks like my fiance will have three of his guests at our wedding. His parents and his brother. That's it. It was a small guest list anyway (I have 14 coming), so it's not like hundreds declined or anything, but I feel really bad that none of his family wanted to come. Not even his step-grandma who lives 20 minutes away. I don't even know what to do in this situation. He says it doesn't bother him. I'm considering messaging one or two his friends on Facebook (the only way I'd have to contact them) and asking if they want to come, but it feels awful to do that. Help? Or just convince me it'll be ok?

Please don't go behind his back and start inviting his friends. Especially through Facebook. It feels awful because it is awful. If he wanted them to be there, he would have invited them. He says it's fine, so you'll have to take him at his word for it.
For his friend's sake don't do this. They'll know they were B Listed and if they somehow find out that they were only invited because his side had too many declines, it could really strain their friendship.

It will be okay. People you love and care about and who love and care about you will be there. At the end of the day, you two will be married and THAT'S more important than how many people on each side shows up.
Also, try not to think of it as your side vs his side. It's both of your sides.

dramamonkey · May 2014

It's OK. DH and I invited 160 people. 45 of whom were his OOT family/friends (we live/were married in MD, his family is mostly in AL). His parents, sister, BIL, nephew and nieces were the only ones who came-not even his own brother. I had an immense amount of guilt that the wedding was so one sided family wise....but he didn't care. He reminded me that my friends are also his friends and at the end of the day he was marrying me and that's what mattered.

So we'll go down to 'bama in a few months and say hi to all of his folks down there.

schellzinator · May 2014

Similar situation to @dramamonkey. We had 130 guests at our wedding and the majority of the guests were my family. But the family and friends of his that came and shared our day meant the world to him and that was who he wanted. His father had given us a looong list of people we should invite and I was fine with it - but hubs decided against it. Quality over quantity

CheleLyn · May 2014

The only members of my family attending our wedding is my brother and his family and my kids. I've really reached the point with my family that they can all suck it.

As someone in a similar situation, if he says he's okay with it, let it go. Like me he may just be at the point that the people who really do care are the people who will be there. Besides, as I'm still learning, family is bound by love not by blood.

MrsMack10612 · May 2014

H only had is parents for family. The rest was my family and our friends (we've been together so long, very few of the friends are his and hers at this point). He was fine with it. It was ok.

Kauris · May 2014

Some of FI family is refusing to come because of issues they have with his father's will. FI is executor, which made older brother mad. FI also is following the will to the exact letter, which is making the other two siblings and several aunts/uncles/cousins mad. That doesn't even touch the fact that they are in Europe, so FI will be lucky if he has four family members show up. It makes me sad/mad for him. It broke my heart when he looked at me after returning from his father's funeral and said, "You're the only family I have left." Actually just typing that is making me cry.

OP You guys are a family unit now and that is the most important and beautiful thing that will come out of your wedding day. Those people will probably regret not being there. I hope you have a most wonderful wedding day!

Jen4948 · May 2014

As painful as that might be for your FI not to have any extended family members at his wedding, if he says he's okay with it I'd take him at his word.

JellyBean52513 · May 2014

I will be in your FI's boat when the day comes for me. I only have about 5 family members, and not many personal friends--I've moved around a lot, so I never really developed any long-lasting friendships in the places I've lived. Out of a potential guest list of ~100, I have 20 people I'd invite, and almost half of them are "We'll see where the relationship is when that day comes." As sad as the thought makes me that I don't have many people in my life to whom my wedding would be important, the fact that I'll be surrounded by my new friends and family almost totally eradicates the sadness. I'd be willing to bet that your FI feels the same way

Never thought I'd be considering B-listing...

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