Wedding Etiquette Forum

I've always felt my wedding was ruined...

 I've always felt my wedding was ruined by my MOH dropping out, BIL not attending, Man of Honor's fiancé doing drugs at my wedding in the bathroom, lots more.... My new MOH was upset that it was on a Sunday and refused to stay to give a toast because she had to work the next day but had 3 weeks vacay. She ate and left within 12-15 min of the reception. I have found out that most of my BM were fake and acted like I died once I got married and I have been with my Husband for 8 years today but only married for 3. I would love a do over, just me, my husband, our twin boys, and just our close family to renew our vows either local or where we honeymooned. Nothing big, fancy, just be surrounded by people who actually cared. Honestly, it could just be Hubby, myself, and our twins. Is that wrong, bad, not acceptable? What are your thoughts?

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Re: I've always felt my wedding was ruined...

  • As long as its just the four of you, I don't see a problem with it.
  • I would just have a vow renewal with just you, your FI and the twins.  Sounds romantic to me.






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  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I don't think there is anything wrong with a vow RENEWAL, and hosting a small reception afterwards. 

    I think the big issue people have with repeat ceremonies (or PPDs) is that the B&G often hide the fact that they were previously married and try to present themselves as newlyweds and participate in wedding traditions symbolic to the "first time" (meal, dance, etc). 

    It is unfortunate you feel your wedding was ruined, after all you did marry your now husband! But I can understand how you feel that having a bunch of people at the wedding was not what made it special and you would like to renew your vows with your husband and family. Actually, I think the idea is sweet, as your family is all you need. 
  • I think you could pull this off by having small social gathering or a family vacation if you really wanted to include some of your close family members and then having a private vow renewal for just you and your hubby. It seems romantic to me if it was just you two but I think it would be just as sweet if you wanted to include your boys too. 

    Sounds like you are quite blessed. 
  • Thank you all! This has truly brought tears to my eyes!! Thank you!! Thank you!! again, thank you!!!! 

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  • I think a family vacation with a vow renewal, just you, H, and kids, sounds sweet.  You aren't planning the trappings of a PPD (pretending you aren't married, lying, first dance, etc.), you just want to keep it small and intimate with your immediate family.  Go for it!

    But yes, I'm gonna get mushy on you, too.  You were married at the end of the day, and as far as I can tell based on your post, you now have a lovely family with your husband.  Not ruined! :)
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  • Ditto Lynda & banana.


    p.s.  sorry I've been missing   ywia

  • Congrats on your upcoming third anniversary and your two little ones! I'm just wondering why this is surfacing now, to the point of posting on an Internet forum. Is there anything else going on in your life?
  • edited May 2014
    My wedding day sucked due to a few issues with people acting inappropriately. I get anxiety - my husband wanted the huge blow-out party that we had more than I did. I was excited but anxious about it but if it were up to me, looking back on it, we should have had something smaller. Ultimately my parents paid, and while I'm grateful for that, we had no say in virtually anything - they wanted to throw us a huge traditional type big-ass wedding. I would have liked to have paid and done things our way but we have no $$ so ultimately it was huge blow-out or courthouse (which we didnt want).

    The big blow-out party I think is what contributed to these ppl acting inappropriately. Honestly a lot of it was alcohol-related which is ironic bc I am always endorsing full open bar on here but some of the ppl @ our wedding didnt handle themselves the best after drinking a few too many.

    That said, I know I would def love a do-over if I could. It is kind of upsetting when you are looking forward to your wedding being the best day of ur life and it just isnt.

    I would love a do-over if I could as well.
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  • Have the vow renewal with just you two and the kids. No harm done.
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  • I think the vow renewal idea is a good one!  Go for it!

    If it makes you feel any better, these are some things that can ruin a wedding:

    1.  The bride doesn't show up.
    2.  The groom doesn't show up.
    3.  The officiant doesn't show up.  (This isn't a problem in Colorado.)
    4.  You forgot to get a marriage license.
    5.  One of the couple has a previous marriage that is still valid.  (Jane Eyre)
    6.  The venue catches on fire during the ceremony and burns to the ground.

    Just about anything else doesn't qualify as "ruining the wedding".  After all, you did get married!  Go have a lovely vow renewal!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain said:
    I think the vow renewal idea is a good one!  Go for it!

    If it makes you feel any better, these are some things that can ruin a wedding:

    1.  The bride doesn't show up.
    2.  The groom doesn't show up.
    3.  The officiant doesn't show up.  (This isn't a problem in Colorado.)
    4.  You forgot to get a marriage license.
    5.  One of the couple has a previous marriage that is still valid.  (Jane Eyre)
    6.  The venue catches on fire during the ceremony and burns to the ground.

    Just about anything else doesn't qualify as "ruining the wedding".  After all, you did get married!  Go have a lovely vow renewal!
    http://www.wcvb.com/news/3alarm-fire-rips-through-foxborough-lake-view-pavillion/25343508
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  • Oh. my!  Yes, I think this makes most "wedding ruined" stories look pretty tame!
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  •  I've always felt my wedding was ruined by my MOH dropping out, BIL not attending, Man of Honor's fiancé doing drugs at my wedding in the bathroom, lots more.... My new MOH was upset that it was on a Sunday and refused to stay to give a toast because she had to work the next day but had 3 weeks vacay. She ate and left within 12-15 min of the reception. I have found out that most of my BM were fake and acted like I died once I got married and I have been with my Husband for 8 years today but only married for 3. I would love a do over, just me, my husband, our twin boys, and just our close family to renew our vows either local or where we honeymooned. Nothing big, fancy, just be surrounded by people who actually cared. Honestly, it could just be Hubby, myself, and our twins. Is that wrong, bad, not acceptable? What are your thoughts?

    Since you are still married, I don't think your wedding was ruined. Ruined, to me, means something prevented you from getting married.  But, having said that, I think as long as you make it private.  Don't make a big deal.  Don't wear a big white puffy dress. Don't register for gifts.  I would't really invite anyone.  It sounds like the people who cared (your close family) were already at your wedding. I wouldn't make them feel obligated to sit through another wedding, because your wedding party ended up being jerks. 
    But we don't tell adults what to wear, right?

    If it's just them I think she can wear whatever she wants, no one will care. There is no one to judge. 
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  • What?  You've never heard of etiquette?  Here is a good site for you to read about proper vow renewals:


    http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html

    If it is just the two of you, you can wear whatever you want, but if you decide to have guests, then you need to be more careful.

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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I find it surprising that you are still hung up on this after 3 years. If you want to do a vow renewal, fine. But I think you need to let go of the fact that your wedding day didnt go perfectly.
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  • KatWAG said:

    I find it surprising that you are still hung up on this after 3 years. If you want to do a vow renewal, fine. But I think you need to let go of the fact that your wedding day didnt go perfectly.


    ^I see this trend a lot on television now--women who want to do the ceremony again because things didnt go according to plan. I think it's sweet if you want to say vows to each other again in private. I wouldn't invite anyone, though. Or you could plan an amazing 5- or 10-year blowout anniversary party!
    Honestly, I think you should be consulting your husband about how he feels. Does he share your thoughts about your wedding day? Does he think this is an issue at all? I doubt my FI will *ever* want to do a renewal. He's not the mushy in public type. Getting through one set of vows is probably going to have to be it for us.
  • lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    OP, I'm really sorry that you didn't get to enjoy your wedding day the way you had hoped. I don't think there's anything wrong with renewing your vows privately with your family. I agree that that would be sweet and romantic.

     However, I don't see how this will change what happened on your wedding day. Your wedding day will always be your wedding day. I absolutely would not do a wedding do-over and invite other people.

    Who was the poster that said they hated their birth story but aren't shoving their 2 year old back into their womb to do it again? This made me think of that.
  • OP, you are not alone.  Lots of brides had wedding days that weren't what they had imagined.  Mine was a total nightmare, with the MOB and MOG snarling at each other, the MOG crying and telling anyone who would listen that her son was making the worst mistake of his life, the MOB flirting with every man in the room, and many of the guests were there under duress, since my grandmother told them that if they blew it off, she would re-write her will.
    I'm still happily married, after 38 years.  I don't need to go through that again.  Let it go.  There are hundreds of married ladies who had the same experience.  Have a private vow renewal if that makes you feel better.  It won't make any difference in your marriage. Congratulations on your happy marriage.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Also, for lurkers: it's poor etiquette to replace your MOH or anyone in your wedding party if they no longer participate after being asked.
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