Hi all! I'm new to this site, and I wanted to post this to see if anyone had any thoughts about my wedding party situation.
I haven’t officially asked anyone yet. Partly because it's still a little soon in our engagement, but partly because I’m really torn about one person in particular. I've known this person for almost 10 years. She’s 9 years older than me, and when she got married about 6 years ago, I was her MOH (and also the only bridesmaid). We've considered one another to be our best friend. But lately, it hasn’t seemed that way.
A few months ago, she started sharing with me the trouble she was having with her marriage. It was okay at first, but soon it became almost as if I was her therapist. She told me everything, and I tried to listen, but started feeling really overwhelmed. It didn't help that I was friends with her husband as well. Eventually, she shared with me that she was going to be getting a divorce. I told her that I supported the decision based on what she was telling me, and that I’d be here for her through it, but she continued to lean on me to such an extreme extent that I would start feeling physically and emotionally drained. I was also worried about the situation taking a toll on my relationship with my boyfriend. After talking to him, as well as my family, I decided that I needed to be straight, and explained to her how I was feeling, and she did stop talking about her divorce- but did end up constantly asking for my advice on new relationships, what to do about her child, and other random things that really just needed to be dealt with by her. I gave advice as best as I could, but she never seemed to listen.
About a month later, she told me she was moving a few states away. I was taken aback, and also a little concerned because she was going to live with someone she had just met recently online. But after explaining everything, I told her that it sounded like this is exactly what she needed. She left a few days later.
Since she left, we haven’t really been in contact as often as we were before. Part of it was relieving, because of the way I had been feeling, but another part of it was disappointing. I almost feel that I’ve been cut off completely. She deleted me from Facebook and made hers completely private, she hasn't said anything more than “congratulations” when I got engaged, and she forgot my birthday. When I finally confronted her about this, she ended up making it all about her, stating what was wrong in her life, and not really even apologizing. But at the end of the conversation, she ended up telling me that I am her best friend, and nothing has changed in that regard.
At this point I’m just completely torn. Since I've known her, I've imagined her being my MOH, but at this point, I’m not even entirely sure I want her in my wedding party. I've been talking to my FI, my family, and a few of my closest friends about it, but I was hoping to seek some advice from others- maybe someone has been in a similar situation?