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disapointed with my mom!!!

Amyandpete2014Amyandpete2014 member
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in Wedding Woes
Hi everyone. Ill keep this as short as i can.

Im surprised by my moms lack of excitement and involvment in my wedding plans. I always thought when the day came shed be right there beside me. Sigh

I began planning my wedding about 6 months ago...i have a 9 month old and he keeps me so busy so i thought id hire a wedding planner. After the consult it was more than i wanted to pay for so my mom told me ahe would help me and not to worry.

She has offered to do some tasks for me but never did them. She says she will help me to meet vendors and take an unpaid day off work to come. Doesnt really make me feel good asking her when she puts it like that.

I wanted to have a pre wedding pig roast at their home...so i thought shed help me plan it but all she did was ask how the plans were going for it. I am so overwhelmed trying to plan that plus our wedding plus my sona first birthday i finally told her we decided not todo the roast. Her reaponce was "i feel badly like i should be planning it". Not dont worry ill handle it then. I juat said forget it.

My maid of honour is my sister and she lives on the other side of the country...so she cant help me much nor plan a shower. I thought maybe my mom would...but she never mentioned it once....so no shower for us.

When i first started planning the wedding i remember asking my mom for advice and asked her how she planned her wedding. Her response..." i dont really remember. I was working a lot...and my mom did most of it!" Wow......thanks mom.

I am ready to send out my invites and am having the rsvps sent to myself...after all i am planning it. When i told my mom she seemed weird and said..."i think all ours went to my parents!" (Ya because SHE PLANNED YOUR WEDDING!!!!)

Thats about it....dont know what to do or say....im disapointed....but i guess at the end of the day...its our wedding and can pride in knowing we planned it ourselves.

My mom loves my fiance...so its not like she doesnt approve of the wedding...im shocked at her involment..or lack there of.

V
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Re: disapointed with my mom!!!

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    zitiqueenzitiqueen member
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    Amyandpete2014 said:
    Hi everyone. Ill keep this as short as i can. Im surprised by my moms lack of excitement and involvment in my wedding plans. I always thought when the day came shed be right there beside me. Sigh I began planning my wedding about 6 months ago...i have a 9 month old and he keeps me so busy so i thought id hire a wedding planner. After the consult it was more than i wanted to pay for so my mom told me ahe would help me and not to worry. She has offered to do some tasks for me but never did them. She says she will help me to meet vendors and take an unpaid day off work to come. Doesnt really make me feel good asking her when she puts it like that. I wanted to have a pre wedding pig roast at their home...so i thought shed help me plan it but all she did was ask how the plans were going for it. I am so overwhelmed trying to plan that plus our wedding plus my sona first birthday i finally told her we decided not todo the roast. Her reaponce was "i feel badly like i should be planning it". Not dont worry ill handle it then. I juat said forget it. My maid of honour is my sister and she lives on the other side of the country...so she cant help me much nor plan a shower. I thought maybe my mom would...but she never mentioned it once....so no shower for us. When i first started planning the wedding i remember asking my mom for advice and asked her how she planned her wedding. Her response..." i dont really remember. I was working a lot...and my mom did most of it!" Wow......thanks mom. I am ready to send out my invites and am having the rsvps sent to myself...after all i am planning it. When i told my mom she seemed weird and said..."i think all ours went to my parents!" (Ya because SHE PLANNED YOUR WEDDING!!!!) Thats about it....dont know what to do or say....im disapointed....but i guess at the end of the day...its our wedding and can pride in knowing we planned it ourselves. My mom loves my fiance...so its not like she doesnt approve of the wedding...im shocked at her involment..or lack there of. V
    It sucks that she's not excited, but she's not required to be. Some people just aren't into weddings. She's told you more than once that she didn't even plan her own wedding. Accept that and be prepared to plan your own wedding. The only person whose job it is to help you is your FI, and anybody can host a shower for you.
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    6fsn6fsn member
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    Not excited and not doing things for you are not the same thing.  She's happy for you, but she may not have the time/money/energy to do more.  Was your grandmother working when she was helping your mom?  Living in the same city? etc. 

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    zitiqueenzitiqueen member
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    Amyandpete2014 said:
     I wanted to have a pre wedding pig roast at their home...so i thought shed help me plan it but all she did was ask how the plans were going for it.
    Yeah, if somebody announced to me that they wanted to have a pig roast at my house, you'd better believe their asses would be the ones planning it. And cleaning my house. And cleaning up the yard. And digging the pit. And buying the pig and all of the side dishes and drinks and everything else that goes along with having a pig roast. And cleaning up after. And re-filling the hole.
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    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    How far off is your wedding?
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    Amyandpete2014Amyandpete2014 member
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    My mom had told me she would help...and to be honest i had orginally planned on being married at their home because that is what my parents wanted. Since i changed my mind i thought this was a nice alternative to them hosting. And my finace and were paying for everything fyi.
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    Amyandpete2014Amyandpete2014 member
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    Wedding is in 4 months.
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    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    I would suggest doing one thing per day. Have you nailed down most of your vendors?
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    Amyandpete2014Amyandpete2014 member
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    Yes vendors are booked just working on the small details now like invites...our ceremony...escort cards...designing candy bar. I still have time i know. I do what i can when my son naps :)
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    loveislouderloveislouder member
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    When I got engaged, i expected my mom to be like those moms on TV that freak out, jump around squealing about how excited she was and wanting to start planning, like RIGHT NOW.

    She was like "Congratulations kids." That was it. At first I thought maybe she didn't like my fiance or something, so I went to her house just BAWLING.  She told me she was excited, but didn't want me to feel like she was planning it for me because it's my wedding.  She didn't have a say in her wedding and she didn't want me to feel that way.

    In no way is your mother required to help, but maybe ask her to help with small tasks, like stamping envelopes or even babysitting the little one while you do wedding stuff. Don't ask her to host a shower, that's not cool.
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    Jean0715Jean0715 member
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    I'm sorry to hear that. It must be super disappointing. Just do your best to smile and push on. No one will be as excited as you about your wedding. I think you just need to lower your expectations of your mom. Continue to include her on smaller tasks, but don't get upset if she declines. Keep your chin up.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    This makes me kinda hope I don't have daughters because I'm just not into other people's weddings.  Sure, I'll go and have a great time, but I probably won't ask you about it beforehand.  When my sister first got engaged, I tried a couple times to be involved by giving her a couple ideas.  When she violently hated those ideas, I stopped offering.  Then she got mad at me for not being involved.  Dear lord, I can't win!  After we worked things out, she asked me to be her officiant, and I was able to help in a way that I enjoyed.  I enjoyed helping her write the ceremony, but I wanted nothing to do with dress selection or flower selection, or seating charts, or stuffing invitations, or any of that other stuff.  So it worked out well for us.  Good luck.
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