Starting to lose it over a wedding...

SeaCaptainOtter · May 2014

The snark has been building up in me for a long time and I really need to vent to you ladies/gents, I think you will understand.

Let me set the stage for you. This is a two parter/reception tour, DW, and PPD.

Wedding 1:The DW is in another state, in a remote area, on a Thursday, and all 30 of us HAVE to stay at a beach house for the whole week leading up. It is a beach wedding, in November, in the North East. OK, fine. I'm still going to go and support. I got the save the date and found out, this is the PPD (or the reverse of a PPD?). Anyway, because it is in another state, they aren't bothering with the paperwork and just having another wedding at home. Which leads me to...

Wedding 2: The "real" wedding is back in the home town, on a Saturday two days later, with 150 people in a ballroom.

I found out is was a full second wedding when I was buying my bridesmaid dress and she said I would be wearing it twice. EW... Oh, yes, this is my mother so I'm going, but I will report back on what a cluster it will be.

gothic_fairy60 · May 2014

I just..... um...... I got nothing.

slothiegal · May 2014

On the bright side, I'm sure you'll have good stories to share with us afterwards!

SeaCaptainOtter · May 2014

slothiegal said:

On the bright side, I'm sure you'll have good stories to share with us afterwards!

Exactly my sentiments after each and every phone conversation with her! My FI is really getting a kick out of it, though as things develop.

phira · May 2014

...

At least you don't have to buy a second dress?

BRB crying into some ice cream because this signals the end of humanity.

sarawifenow · May 2014

Oh dear lord....

AddieCake · May 2014

WTF

KGold80 · May 2014

This has to be the most fucked up thing I have heard today. Wow.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

Wait. This is your mother's "wedding?" Can you grab her by the shoulders and shake her and tell her how fucking crazy this is and this is not how weddings work? I mean, she has to love you anyway, right?

casey8784 · May 2014

I'll be stocking up on popcorn for when you have updates to give!

but...a North East beach wedding...November? Is it actually on the beach or does she know that she'll probably be having it indoors by then? Weather is finicky at best that time of year...lol!

SeaCaptainOtter · May 2014

casey8784 said:
I'll be stocking up on popcorn for when you have updates to give!

but...a North East beach wedding...November? Is it actually on the beach or does she know that she'll probably be having it indoors by then? Weather is finicky at best that time of year...lol!

This was the part I was the most initially concerned about. I even said to my FI, "she better not dictate what shoes I'm wearing because I'm wearing uggs under my dress". With all the other crazy stuff, I just can't even.

She also was saying that she picked the house we are staying at because it has a pool.... Outdoors... But... You can't swim then right? Completely ignores me. My aunt and grandma are egging her on saying it will be great.

SeaCaptainOtter · May 2014

lolo883 said:
Wait. This is your mother's "wedding?" Can you grab her by the shoulders and shake her and tell her how fucking crazy this is and this is not how weddings work? I mean, she has to love you anyway, right?

I would do that. Problem is, she has planned everything already without talking to me. I live several states away and we aren't as close as we used to be. Part of it started when she got engaged. She has my aunt and grandmother close by her who are telling her everything she wants to hear, so I don't think she will listen

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

SeaCaptainOtter said:

show previous quotes
Wait. This is your mother's "wedding?" Can you grab her by the shoulders and shake her and tell her how fucking crazy this is and this is not how weddings work? I mean, she has to love you anyway, right?

I would do that. Problem is, she has planned everything already without talking to me. I live several states away and we aren't as close as we used to be. Part of it started when she got engaged. She has my aunt and grandmother close by her who are telling her everything she wants to hear, so I don't think she will listen

Oy vey. I'd come up with an urgent conflict for that week then. "Sorry Mom, just can't make it then or the droids will win. But it's ok since that's not your real wedding anyway. Phew! See you at the real thing!" :-p

CMGragain · June 2014

You poor dear! I really sympathize. Many years ago, my late mother had a big wedding. I was required to sing at it. They wedding was side-eyed by many people, owing to the history of the relationship. I had to stand there and pretend that everything was fine, when iI knew it really wasn't. I never stopped smiling. It was good practice for my own drama filled wedding six years later (following Mom's divorce).
There is nothing you can do. You are a victim of your mother's ambition. I sincerely hope that her marriage works out better than my mother's did. Keep smiling, and watch your back.

huskypuppy14 · June 2014

I'm stuck on why 30 people "have to" stay for a week at the beach house. Why? Is she making people subsidize the cost?

sophhabobopha · June 2014

adverb1129 · June 2014

People have to be there for a week before the wedding? How is everybody getting the time off for that?

Also- are your aunt and grandma egging your mom on just to stir the pot or do they sincerely think these are good ideas?

abbyj700 · June 2014

I love my mom dearly - but there is seriously no way FI and I could take a week off work for someone else's wedding before their wedding. What night are they actually getting married so maybe you could come then?

SeaCaptainOtter · June 2014

abbyj700 said:I love my mom dearly - but there is seriously no way FI and I could take a week off work for someone else's wedding before their wedding. What night are they actually getting married so maybe you could come then?

FI and I had a discussion about this and the logistics this weekend. Flying up Wednesday for the rehearsal, Thursday is Wedding Day 1. Friday we drive back to the other state, Saturday is Wedding day 2 and we fly out after. We will rent out own car so we don't have to run on whatever crazy schedule they are on. This is the best comprimise we could arrive at.

SeaCaptainOtter · June 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

I'm stuck on why 30 people "have to" stay for a week at the beach house. Why? Is she making people subsidize the cost?

I think it's a diva move, honestly. My step-sister did this at her wedding. she "rented" houses and people, like my mom and other guests, had to pay the full cost of the rental house and fees to stay. They think of it like blocking off rooms at hotels. The big difference is that you have to clean and wash the house after you are done with it, buy and cook all of your own meals, and share bathrooms with marginally familiar people. If you stay at a hotel, it's far away and you are intentionally not included in any of the activities so, I might do that instead.

Simky906 · June 2014

I'm just stuck on the fact that the second wedding is 2 days later. And what, exactly, is the point of having 2 weddings? Which one will they celebrate as their anniversary?

I know it's family, so you do what you have to, but no way would I take a full week's vacation for a fake wedding. No way, no how.

kitty8403 · June 2014

Simky906 said:
I'm just stuck on the fact that the second wedding is 2 days later. And what, exactly, is the point of having 2 weddings? Which one will they celebrate as their anniversary?

I know it's family, so you do what you have to, but no way would I take a full week's vacation for a fake wedding. No way, no how.

Self-employed. We don't even have to ask for vacation time, and we still wouldn't/couldn't take this much off. Clients, deadlines, invoicing, weather, our animals. . . . People have lives and lots of work to do!

Jen4948 · June 2014

I don't get why 30 people "have" to spend a week at a beach house before the wedding. Even if my mother was doing this, I'd tell her "NO" even if she threatened not to speak to me again over it.

SeaCaptainOtter · June 2014

Jen4948 said:

I don't get why 30 people "have" to spend a week at a beach house before the wedding. Even if my mother was doing this, I'd tell her "NO" even if she threatened not to speak to me again over it.

I know, I know. The whole thing has spiraled way out of control. I agreed to be in the wedding when I thought it was just one wedding. Now I have to have some come-to-your-senses-already convo with her about it, but I'm worried that it is too late. She didn't tell me about any of this until she had already made the reservations.

yogablossom · June 2014

Hang on, BEACH wedding in NOVEMBER in the Northeast?? You mean New England?! If this is the case, I am so sorry! I live here--I stop going to the beach once August is over because it starts to frost in September!!

Nymeru · June 2014

Is your mom at least covering the cost for everyone who is going to the first wedding?

Starting to lose it over a wedding...

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