thanks but no thanks

futuredrlee · May 2014

whats the point of asking for advice if a bunch of mean girls are going to just attack your character???? no thanks not for me!

6fsn · May 2014

What is it she can't handle? I seem to recall lots of people saying you shouldn't pick a bridal party until closer to the wedding for things like this.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

futuredrlee said:
So my MOH decided she couldn't handle it so she told me she wanted to step down, a year after my engagement and a year until my wedding. I am DEVASTATED. I don't know what to do or how to act, beyond hurt! How do i move on from here? has this happened to anyone??

What are you asking her to do that she can't handle?

As for what you do... nothing. Not a damn thing. She stepped down, that's it, move on. Don't replace her by any means, just don't have an MOH.

And yes, there was just a thread on either E or CC today about this same scenario.

perdonami · May 2014

I am very sorry but at least she was honest with you that she can't handle the role. It would have been a lot worse if she became passive aggressive and have unreasonable expectations of you (like mine).

I am curious as to what she can't handle? All she really needs to do is stand with you and wear a dress. Oh, and maybe carry some flowers with her.

GBCK · May 2014

a lot can change in a year.
What can't she handle?

futuredrlee · June 2014

Blergbot · June 2014

Ok...problems. You should not be throwing yourself a bridal shower and you should not be in any way planning your own bachelorette. These are things that, if they happen at all, are planned FOR you. You can put your bridal party in touch with each other, but that's about it. So maybe she was overwhelmed by you forcing her to plan (especially when she is planning her own wedding) and perhaps the expense. Maybe lurk on the Etiquette board to make sure everything you are planning is on the level.

futuredrlee · June 2014

@blergbot

that was rude. IF? oh ok. if you don't have anything positive to say why post anything at all???

Did i say force? no i surely did NOT

futuredrlee · June 2014

NavyBlue143 · June 2014

It's not ok to ask for or expect parties thrown in your honor. It's also not something you are entitled to have. I didn't have a bachelorette party. I don't feel I missed out on anything. It's not a right. Informing you of that is not rude, it's honesty. If those parties happen, it should be because someone offered to host it, not because you told them to start planning.

You definitely should not be having your wedding planner plan your shower unless someone offered to host it already. That's you expecting presents. That's not ok. You should wait for someone to offer to throw you a shower, and then offer the services of your planner. If no one offers, you don't get one. Not the end of the world.

GBCK · June 2014

futuredrlee said:

"lurk" on any boards anywhere there are PLENTY of brides who are helping to plan events for their wedding.

If you lurked where other kids were throwing themselves off cliffs, would you do that too?

Blergbot · June 2014

Thanks @NavyBlue143 I thought I was pretty nice about it in my response...

6fsn · June 2014

I'm guessing the MOH saw a lot of dollars and drama in her future. It's probably best for everyone that she stepped down now.

Your wedding planner should not be planning your shower. If she didn't say that was a bad idea I'd wonder about her taste.

AddieCake · June 2014

I am confused as to why you are DEVASTATED by this and acting like it happening a year out from your wedding is putting you in some sort of time crunch crises.

*Barbie* · June 2014

6fsn said:

I'm guessing the MOH saw a lot of dollars and drama in her future. It's probably best for everyone that she stepped down now.

Your wedding planner should not be planning your shower. If she didn't say that was a bad idea I'd wonder about her taste.

I'd disagree with you on this @6fsn. Money's money, a job's a job. It's not like the OP is hiring her to kill someone - the OP is the one who is going to look bad in this case. I wouldn't judge the planner for accepting another job - especially from a current client.

mellyD2014 · June 2014

You still have a year until your wedding, so I can't imagine this will affect anything immediately.

Slow down, take a breath. Remember that your MoH is not just your MoH - she's your friend, and a close one at that (otherwise you wouldn't have asked her to stand up for you!) Try not to feel bad or hurt - she's not stepping down because she doesn't love or support you, and it was probably incredibly difficult for her to let you know. Make sure she's okay, go grab coffee or a lunch date and just chat about non-wedding things. There could be something going on in her life where she may need her friend's support.

Otherwise, I agree with the other ladies here - don't replace her, it will make whoever you ask feel like she wasn't worth the MoH slot at the outset, and that's not a great feeling to have. As you'll read on these threads, the only duties that bridesmaids have is buying their dress and showing up on the day of the wedding. If your other bridesmaids offer to help you out over the next year or throw you your bridal shower and/or B-Party, then that's great!

The best piece of advice I've seen on these boards is that no one will care as much about your wedding as you and your fiance. Sometimes it's hard to keep that perspective, but if you're able to, I guarantee you'll have a mostly stress-free 12 months until your wedding day!

Good luck, I hope you're able to sit down with your friend to make sure everything is okay. Remember, this is definitely not worth losing a good friend over, so try to keep that in perspective.

futuredrlee · June 2014

i like how NOBODY took the time to ask wether or not the girls offered to throw me anything which in fact they did! I thought this board was for advice not to be made to feel badly for asking for advice.

Why post anything if your going to be mean and nasty about it?

Thanks but no thanks, i won't be asking for advice again.

larrygaga · June 2014

futuredrlee said:

i like how NOBODY took the time to ask wether or not the girls offered to throw me anything which in fact they did! I thought this board was for advice not to be made to feel badly for asking for advice.

Why post anything if your going to be mean and nasty about it?

Thanks but no thanks, i won't be asking for advice again.

Disagreeing with you is not the equivalent of being mean and nasty. We are trying to stop you from looking like an asshole in front of your friends and family. You don't want to host a rude wedding, do you? When you ask for advice on the internet, you get honest feedback. Go ask your friends if you don't want honesty. I'm sure they will tell you they don't mind rudeness.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · June 2014

What is the point of this post at all? It isn't helping your case. People were trying to give you advice. I'm sorry if it wasn't the advice you wanted to hear, but these ladies have zero reason to lie to you.

mrsmorales2be · June 2014

Someone should tell OP that the world isn't made of foam rubber. She should wear steel-toed shoes if she's that prone to getting her toes stepped on.

thanks but no thanks

Re: thanks but no thanks

Choose Another Board

Search Boards