Please edit/proof/give helpful suggestions on my ceremony wording...

Re: Please edit/proof/give helpful suggestions on my ceremony wording...

• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  June 2014

  I would be leery about the part with the Child only because it involves her being part of the ceremony uniting you and your FI and that should involve just the two of you.
  
  Is the child's father in the picture? How would he feel about this?
  
  Also, four is very young to have a role at all, really, but you know your child better than we do.
  
  Otherwise, I think it's lovely.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• Istoleahalo member

  

  June 2014

  Thank you. I feel it's not really much different than a sand ceremony or a unity candle. All she's doing is putting a flower in a vase. Not that it's a huge difference but by the time the wedding is here she will be 5, I think she can manage it. Her father is not in the picture and FI wants to adopt her at some point.

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  June 2014

  Istoleahalo said:

  Thank you. I feel it's not really much different than a sand ceremony or a unity candle. All she's doing is putting a flower in a vase. Not that it's a huge difference but by the time the wedding is here she will be 5, I think she can manage it. Her father is not in the picture and FI wants to adopt her at some point.

  FWIW, I also think it's inappropriate for kids to participate in those. I am not a fan of them in general, but I'm really not a fan of them involving kids.
  
  That's just my opinion and perspective, which is not shared by everyone, and you certainly don't have to take it. I'm just offering the perspective that some people find it inappropriate and off-putting.
  
  You know your guests better than we do. If they won't think it's weird, go for it.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• Istoleahalo member

  

  June 2014

  Sorry, I reread what I wrote and it sounds a bit snarkier than I meant it to.  I was just trying to answer your questions, I do appreciate your opinions...so again, thank you.

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  June 2014

  That's OK, and you're welcome! I'm sure it will be a lovely ceremony!

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• doeydo member

  

  June 2014 edited June 2014

  Yeah, I am not into involving children in ceremonies that are meant to unite adults who fully understand what marriage means and are going into it because they want to.  Also, let's be real here.  Divorce happens and/or your child could grow up to be a petulant teenager who doesn't give one fuck about him and is resentful of the fact that you 'made' her do a uniting ceremony with him.
  
  ETA this is coming from someone whose mom had two young children from a previous marriage when she married my father.  I don't want to go into details, but the one child hated him  when she got older (and does to this day) and the other was polite/civil.  Now, my parents are divorced and no one sees my father anymore.  

  
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  June 2014 edited June 2014

  I, too, do not think you should involve a child in your marriage vows.  I am very glad I did not have to directly participate in the ceremony when my mother married my SOB ex-step father.  The marriage is between two people.  Best wishes for your future together, though!
  

  

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• Ven&Radio member

  

  June 2014 edited June 2014

  Istoleahalo said:

  *********************************(later on in the ceremony)

  Ask (child) to step forward

  "On the table are three flowers; one for each bride and Groom, and then one for Child.  Together the flowers will make a bouquet which symbolizes the wonder and beauty of the birth of this new family. 

  
  

  I would swap "for" and "each" so it reads "one each for bride and groom".  Your original wording makes it sound like there is more than one bride and groom.  Alternately, remove "each" altogether.
  

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• Istoleahalo member

  

  June 2014

  doeydo said:

  Yeah, I am not into involving children in ceremonies that are meant to unite adults who fully understand what marriage means and are going into it because they want to.  Also, let's be real here.  Divorce happens and/or your child could grow up to be a petulant teenager who doesn't give one fuck about him and is resentful of the fact that you 'made' her do a uniting ceremony with him.
  
  ETA this is coming from someone whose mom had two young children from a previous marriage when she married my father.  I don't want to go into details, but the one child hated him  when she got older (and does to this day) and the other was polite/civil.  Now, my parents are divorced and no one sees my father anymore.  

  True, just like everyone on here, we could divorce and I'm 100% sure that at least one point in her life she will hate him (and me too for that matter- I mean lets face it, pretty much every teenager has hated their parents at one point or another.  I know I yelled "You aren't my real mom/dad" more than I care to admit despite having the best parents a girl could ask for.)  If the worse thing I do to her is ask her if she wants to put a flower in a vase, I'll think I've done a damn good job!  Like I mentioned, her dad is not in the picture and FI wants to adopt.  On her own, she has started calling him Daddy already (we have never once told or asked her to...I still call him by his first name in from of her).  Yes, things can change, but they can change with biological parents as well.  No one is asking her to vow/promise anything now.

  
  

  Thanks for your opinions but I'm really just looking for help/opinions on the wording itself. I know that not everyone will like the idea, and that's OK with me.  I can respect differences of opinions and agree to disagree.
  

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• Istoleahalo member

  

  June 2014

  Ven&Radio said:

  Istoleahalo said:

  *********************************(later on in the ceremony)

  Ask (child) to step forward

  "On the table are three flowers; one for each bride and Groom, and then one for Child.  Together the flowers will make a bouquet which symbolizes the wonder and beauty of the birth of this new family. 

  
  

  I would swap "for" and "each" so it reads "one each for bride and groom".  Your original wording makes it sound like there is more than one bride and groom.  Alternately, remove "each" altogether.
  

  Good call.  Thank you!

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• CMGragain member

  

  June 2014

  I like your attitude, OP!  I hope you have a beautiful ceremony and a wonderful marriage!
  

  

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• Istoleahalo member

  

  June 2014

  CMGragain said:

  I like your attitude, OP!  I hope you have a beautiful ceremony and a wonderful marriage!
  

  Thank you!

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• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2014

  Istoleahalo said:

  doeydo said:

  Yeah, I am not into involving children in ceremonies that are meant to unite adults who fully understand what marriage means and are going into it because they want to.  Also, let's be real here.  Divorce happens and/or your child could grow up to be a petulant teenager who doesn't give one fuck about him and is resentful of the fact that you 'made' her do a uniting ceremony with him.
  
  ETA this is coming from someone whose mom had two young children from a previous marriage when she married my father.  I don't want to go into details, but the one child hated him  when she got older (and does to this day) and the other was polite/civil.  Now, my parents are divorced and no one sees my father anymore.  

  True, just like everyone on here, we could divorce and I'm 100% sure that at least one point in her life she will hate him (and me too for that matter- I mean lets face it, pretty much every teenager has hated their parents at one point or another.  I know I yelled "You aren't my real mom/dad" more than I care to admit despite having the best parents a girl could ask for.)  If the worse thing I do to her is ask her if she wants to put a flower in a vase, I'll think I've done a damn good job!  Like I mentioned, her dad is not in the picture and FI wants to adopt.  On her own, she has started calling him Daddy already (we have never once told or asked her to...I still call him by his first name in from of her).  Yes, things can change, but they can change with biological parents as well.  No one is asking her to vow/promise anything now.

  
  

  Thanks for your opinions but I'm really just looking for help/opinions on the wording itself. I know that not everyone will like the idea, and that's OK with me.  I can respect differences of opinions and agree to disagree.
  

  Even though your FI wants to adopt your daughter (which is wonderful), your wedding itself should still be about the union of you and him.  So I would also not require your daughter's participation in the "Child puts a rose in the vase" section in your wedding ceremony.
  
  The rest of your ceremony sounds lovely.
  

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• Istoleahalo member

  

  June 2014

  Jen4948 said:

  Istoleahalo said:

  doeydo said:

  Yeah, I am not into involving children in ceremonies that are meant to unite adults who fully understand what marriage means and are going into it because they want to.  Also, let's be real here.  Divorce happens and/or your child could grow up to be a petulant teenager who doesn't give one fuck about him and is resentful of the fact that you 'made' her do a uniting ceremony with him.
  
  ETA this is coming from someone whose mom had two young children from a previous marriage when she married my father.  I don't want to go into details, but the one child hated him  when she got older (and does to this day) and the other was polite/civil.  Now, my parents are divorced and no one sees my father anymore.  

  True, just like everyone on here, we could divorce and I'm 100% sure that at least one point in her life she will hate him (and me too for that matter- I mean lets face it, pretty much every teenager has hated their parents at one point or another.  I know I yelled "You aren't my real mom/dad" more than I care to admit despite having the best parents a girl could ask for.)  If the worse thing I do to her is ask her if she wants to put a flower in a vase, I'll think I've done a damn good job!  Like I mentioned, her dad is not in the picture and FI wants to adopt.  On her own, she has started calling him Daddy already (we have never once told or asked her to...I still call him by his first name in from of her).  Yes, things can change, but they can change with biological parents as well.  No one is asking her to vow/promise anything now.

  
  

  Thanks for your opinions but I'm really just looking for help/opinions on the wording itself. I know that not everyone will like the idea, and that's OK with me.  I can respect differences of opinions and agree to disagree.
  

  Even though your FI wants to adopt your daughter (which is wonderful), your wedding itself should still be about the union of you and him.  So I would also not require your daughter's participation in the "Child puts a rose in the vase" section in your wedding ceremony.
  
  The rest of your ceremony sounds lovely.
  

  Thank you

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