Bean Dipping has stopped working!

sarawifenow · June 2014

You guys, I have officially failed at bean dipping...one of my uncle's friends (who I am not fond of AT ALL) has been hassling me for an invite since finding out FI and I were engaged. He mentioned that he would "never pass up and opportunity for free beer". Classy. I have tried bean dipping for months; saying guest list isn't finalized, that we are still sorting things out, etc, but he just won't stop!

This friend has been a friend leech of my family for about 40 years. He is at all family gatherings, so this is the tricky part. Should I just suck it up and invite him? I really don't want him to come as he is drunk all the time and is really creepy, but I also don't want to put a strain on my uncle and my relationship by not inviting him. Any advice?

Simky906 · June 2014

I would give uncle a heads up that creepy dude is not invited and not invite him. I know that could be a little awkward at first, but I think it's better than having this dude at your wedding.

Also, this is your opportunity to become a bean dipping champion! I think it was HGF who posted that when BSC granny would start talking about the wedding, she would start talking about something completely unrelated and continue to do so until the subject was dropped. Might be the time to go there with creepy dude. Good luck!

phira · June 2014

I wouldn't cave. That teaches the leech that if he annoys you enough, he gets what he wants.

I had a bean dip fail this weekend (I don't want a bridal shower and I got surrounded by people who want me to have one). It sucks.

Jen4948 · June 2014

Then you have to be blunt with this guy: "The beer you're so anxious to consume isn't 'free.' FI and I have to pay for it, and because we have limited funds, we can't invite everyone we'd like. One of the people we can't invite, unfortunately, is you. Please stop asking me about it and bringing up 'free beer.' It's very offensive."

And don't invite him.

OliveOilsMom · June 2014

If he is not letting up, then be more direct. Dude is creepy and looking for a free beer. I feel you are totally in the right to let him know now that he is not invite. "Sorry, crrepy dude, but FI and I have finished our guest list. We had to make some tough decisions and unfortunetly we will not be able to accomodate you."

bethsmiles · June 2014

I'd move from bean-dipping and "the guest list isn't finalized" to "we couldn't invite everyone we wanted, sorry"

It might cause momentary awkwardness but in the long-run you probably won't care so much.

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2014

Bean dipping only works when people are smart enough to pick up on the deflection and stop asking you the question.

I'd just say to him, 'I'm sorry, the guest list has been finalised and you're not on it. The subject is now closed. Thank for not asking me anymore.'

Don't cave.

annathy03 · June 2014

bethsmiles said:

I'd move from bean-dipping and "the guest list isn't finalized" to "we couldn't invite everyone we wanted, sorry"

It might cause momentary awkwardness but in the long-run you probably won't care so much.

Yep. And if this isn't clear enough, then it's time to be blunt and let him know he didn't make the cut.

phira · June 2014

Oh yeah, I think that you should stop worrying about hurting fee-fees when you get to the point where the other person is being rude. It's good to be polite. It's good to be the bigger, better person. But there comes a point when they're going to keep being rude. You can be blunt.

loves2shop4shoes · June 2014

Yeah. I'd just flat out say, "We finalized the guest list and you're not on it. Best of luck in your future endeavors to weasel your way into free food and drink. #sorryimnotsorry"

Hey, you tried the nice way, right?

Zhabeego · June 2014

The next time he brings it up adopt a sorrowful face and tell him that sadly, you will be having a very small wedding and simply can't invite everyone you would like. It doesn't matter if your "small" wedding is for 400 - he doesn't need to know that. If he keeps pushing - and his type will - keep your sorrowful face and repeat as necessary, "I'm so sorry, but we won't be able to extend you an invitation. Excuse me, please." Don't let him corner you by making you feel like you need to justify or defend your not to inviting him. Don't let him make you feel awkward or embarrassed - he is the one who is being a total jackass. Make your statement about small wedding = no invite for him and anything he says after that gets the, "so sorry, not possible, I need to be somewhere else right now" response.

KatieinBkln · June 2014

Ugh, this guy deserves no bean dip! I'm on board with the PPs--the time has come to break the news to him. Bonus points if you can pull it off with a nonchalant shrug.

Bean Dipping has stopped working!

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