Bridesmaid Drama

Re: Bridesmaid Drama

• Knope2014 member

  

  June 2014

  Has she ever acted like this before?  If not, you may need to try and find time to see her, there could be something wrong.  A personality change, like becoming incessantly needy, can be a sign of something bigger.  

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• AddieCake member

  

  June 2014 edited June 2014

  I would return her call, tell her that calling you names is inappropriate and hurtful and that while your wedding may not be important to HER, it certainly is to YOU, and that you're sorry if you have things for the wedding you have to get done right now with it only being a couple weeks away, but that's just the way it is. Ask her if everything is ok with her.  As Knope said, there may be something bigger going on, and she may share that with you during the conversation. 

  
  

  Schedule a time when you can give her the dress and get that done ASAP. 

  
  

  After the wedding, you may find yourself reevaluating this friendship. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  June 2014

  Kitkat0705 said:

  So about 7 months ago, me and my fiance set a date for our wedding, being June 8th. It's the last two weeks and I'm beyond stressed. My maid of honor and 3 of my bridesmaids have been more than helpful, but lately there's been an issue with one.
  
  About 2 months after we picked a date, my bridesmaid let me know she was pregnant. I was happy for her and it wasn't a problem with me. Her boyfriend is a groomsman and his son is the ring bearer. Well 3 months after we picked our date, they inform us that can't afford the tuxes, dress, etc. and that they need a car to get to and from the wedding.
  
  Now my and my fiance tried to get money together for everything. I ended up buying her bridesmaid dress. I was planning on dropping it off to her but the past week it's been crazy. I work full time at a hospital and am trying to get everything done. The other day, my bridesmaid began texting me at 6am to come over and see her. She demanded I give her her dress and also proceeded to ask me to buy her coffee (seeing at they are tight on money). But I informed her I couldn't, I was busy running errands for the wedding.
  
  She proceeded to blow up my phone, calling me every name in the book, and that my wedding wasn't that important and that I need to make time to see her. I stopped answering her yesterday. She has called/texted me from her cell phone, her boyfriend's cell phone, her roommate's phone and her house phone. She's also facebooked me 24/7 for the past almost two days. Im fed up to the point where I don't want her in the wedding. What do i do?

  Perhaps she's freaking out for reasons other than your wedding.  She may be stressed about her financial situation or that she even needs to get her dress altered to fit her properly.  She may be feeling pressure about getting ready to have a new baby, while they have financial difficulty.  Babies are expensive!

  
  

  Call her and talk to her.  I agree with Addie, in telling her that your wedding is important to you and you understand its not important to her.  

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2014

  OliveOilsMom said:

  Kitkat0705 said:

  So about 7 months ago, me and my fiance set a date for our wedding, being June 8th. It's the last two weeks and I'm beyond stressed. My maid of honor and 3 of my bridesmaids have been more than helpful, but lately there's been an issue with one.
  
  About 2 months after we picked a date, my bridesmaid let me know she was pregnant. I was happy for her and it wasn't a problem with me. Her boyfriend is a groomsman and his son is the ring bearer. Well 3 months after we picked our date, they inform us that can't afford the tuxes, dress, etc. and that they need a car to get to and from the wedding.
  
  Now my and my fiance tried to get money together for everything. I ended up buying her bridesmaid dress. I was planning on dropping it off to her but the past week it's been crazy. I work full time at a hospital and am trying to get everything done. The other day, my bridesmaid began texting me at 6am to come over and see her. She demanded I give her her dress and also proceeded to ask me to buy her coffee (seeing at they are tight on money). But I informed her I couldn't, I was busy running errands for the wedding.
  
  She proceeded to blow up my phone, calling me every name in the book, and that my wedding wasn't that important and that I need to make time to see her. I stopped answering her yesterday. She has called/texted me from her cell phone, her boyfriend's cell phone, her roommate's phone and her house phone. She's also facebooked me 24/7 for the past almost two days. Im fed up to the point where I don't want her in the wedding. What do i do?

  Perhaps she's freaking out for reasons other than your wedding.  She may be stressed about her financial situation or that she even needs to get her dress altered to fit her properly.  She may be feeling pressure about getting ready to have a new baby, while they have financial difficulty.  Babies are expensive!

  
  

  Call her and talk to her.  I agree with Addie, in telling her that your wedding is important to you and you understand its not important to her.  

  All of this.  She might even be having physical pregnancy-related issues that caused her to freak out at you.  I think it's okay to set boundaries with her and to tell her that while your wedding may not be important to her, calling you names and suggesting that it shouldn't be important to you is not appropriate and is not to happen again.
  

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• larrygaga member

  

  June 2014

  Whatever her bigger problem might be isn't any reason for her to act like that. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Kitkat0705 member

  

  June 2014

  The issue is she has been like this before. She told a few of my friends, that I was a bad friend because at the time I was in the hospital and wasn't allowed to drive for 3 weeks. But apparently, it hadn't been good enough for her. She kept apologizing for that and now the wedding, but I feel like she's being insincere. Today, after I explained I have work but I will try to get there, she just brushed me off. Then suddenly, she's posting on facebook how she just bought herself a new phone and laptop.
  
  I don't like how she is acting one minute and then completely different the next. I already know that after the wedding, I want to cut ties with her. But I was warned that she may be jealous about the wedding, and if she is, I'm praying she doesn't try to ruin it or do something stupid. It's the most stressful part of my wedding at this point.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2014

  Kitkat0705 said:

  The issue is she has been like this before. She told a few of my friends, that I was a bad friend because at the time I was in the hospital and wasn't allowed to drive for 3 weeks. But apparently, it hadn't been good enough for her. She kept apologizing for that and now the wedding, but I feel like she's being insincere. Today, after I explained I have work but I will try to get there, she just brushed me off. Then suddenly, she's posting on facebook how she just bought herself a new phone and laptop.
  
  I don't like how she is acting one minute and then completely different the next. I already know that after the wedding, I want to cut ties with her. But I was warned that she may be jealous about the wedding, and if she is, I'm praying she doesn't try to ruin it or do something stupid. It's the most stressful part of my wedding at this point.

  You might have to have a come-to-Jesus discussion with her about this.  Don't bring your wedding into it, just say something like "Friend, I realize that with the baby coming you're under a lot of stress, but it is really hurtful when you suddenly blow up at me and accuse me one minute and then either effusively apologize or act as though nothing happened the next.  I'm sure you don't mean to be hurtful, so could you please not do it anymore?"

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• weddingmcgee member

  

  June 2014

  I know her husband and son are in the wedding, but if this is stressing you out so much and you're afraid that her behavior may jeopardize your wedding AND you know she won't be your friend after the wedding, then kick her out of the wedding party. Let her come as a guest, but if she can't handle the added responsibility of being a bridesmaid, then you both need to face the music.

  
  

  Yes, I agree you should talk to her. Be honest and tell her that her actions and words were inappropriate and hurtful. But also ask if she needs to talk about something or if there is something else going on that's causing her to feel so stressed and frantic. If you consider her your friend then this is the best thing to do. But it sounds like you don't consider her a friend. So, don't be afraid to cut ties before the wedding. You'll remember this day for the rest of your life and you should want the people you love and trust around you, not just some person you knew you didn't want to be friends with filling a spot in the wedding party. 

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  June 2014

  weddingmcgee said:

  I know her husband and son are in the wedding, but if this is stressing you out so much and you're afraid that her behavior may jeopardize your wedding AND you know she won't be your friend after the wedding, then kick her out of the wedding party. Let her come as a guest, but if she can't handle the added responsibility of being a bridesmaid, then you both need to face the music.

  
  

  Yes, I agree you should talk to her. Be honest and tell her that her actions and words were inappropriate and hurtful. But also ask if she needs to talk about something or if there is something else going on that's causing her to feel so stressed and frantic. If you consider her your friend then this is the best thing to do. But it sounds like you don't consider her a friend. So, don't be afraid to cut ties before the wedding. You'll remember this day for the rest of your life and you should want the people you love and trust around you, not just some person you knew you didn't want to be friends with filling a spot in the wedding party. 

  There is so much wrong with this.

  
  

  1) There is no way to kick someone out of the WP but still have her attend as a guest.  This is a serious friendship-ending move and would likely result in the husband and son also cutting ties.  I sure would cut ties with a couple that kicked Fi out of a wedding.

  
  

  2) Filling a spot in the wedding party?  Like a prop?  This just sounds really shallow.  Looking at your WP as spots to be filled implies these people are interchangeable.  Not cool.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• abbyj700 member

  

  June 2014

  Kitkat0705 said:

  The issue is she has been like this before. She told a few of my friends, that I was a bad friend because at the time I was in the hospital and wasn't allowed to drive for 3 weeks. But apparently, it hadn't been good enough for her. She kept apologizing for that and now the wedding, but I feel like she's being insincere. Today, after I explained I have work but I will try to get there, she just brushed me off. Then suddenly, she's posting on facebook how she just bought herself a new phone and laptop.
  
  I don't like how she is acting one minute and then completely different the next. I already know that after the wedding, I want to cut ties with her. But I was warned that she may be jealous about the wedding, and if she is, I'm praying she doesn't try to ruin it or do something stupid. It's the most stressful part of my wedding at this point.

  Your fault - you picked her knowing how she is. Why are you suprised your friend is being the same person she was when you asked her to be a wedding party member?

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