2nd Reception Tacky

jessica11669 · June 2014

So were having a destination wedding in 5 months in Las Vegas. We invited 20+ people knowing that probably half would not be able to attend a destination wedding. We are already having a reception/minus dancing after the ceremony plus a bridal shower back in home town before we leave. Lately the people who cant make it to wedding have been wondering why we aren't having a second reception back home after honeymoon. Because were spending all our savings on the first reception. If they wanted to join us in celebrating, they should have budgeted to come out to wedding in my opinion. Neither my Fi and I want to redo the reception, its just to much work and money. Isn't having a second reception tacky, its feels like -look at us, give us presents.

LDay2014 · June 2014

personally, so long as you aren't having a 're-do' but are rather having a 'celebration' of your marriage then that's fine. But you can't have SHOWERS...showers are gift giving events. Weddings in and of themselves are an event where guests are not expected to bring a gift. There's nothing wrong with having a party to celebrate, you just can't do all the trappings of the wedding industry (garter, dress, vows, etc). By all means, have a great party though! Youll likely get a few cards/gifts - and thank them all the same - just don't expect it.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

jessica11669 said:

So were having a destination wedding in 5 months in Las Vegas. We invited 20+ people knowing that probably half would not be able to attend a destination wedding. We are already having a reception/minus dancing after the ceremony plus a bridal shower back in home town before we leave. Lately the people who cant make it to wedding have been wondering why we aren't having a second reception back home after honeymoon. Because were spending all our savings on the first reception. If they wanted to join us in celebrating, they should have budgeted to come out to wedding in my opinion. Neither my Fi and I want to redo the reception, its just to much work and money. Isn't having a second reception tacky, its feels like -look at us, give us presents.

Short answer to the bolded: you're right, it's tacky, don't do it.

But I'm confused about the order of events. Here's what I'm getting from your post:

1) You are having a bridal shower in your hometown.

2) You are getting married in your hometown.

3) You are having a reception right after that ceremony.

4) Then you are traveling to Las Vegas.... for what, exactly?

5) Lastly, going to your honeymoon.

It already sounds to me like Las Vegas is a PPD (if you don't know what that means, Pretty Princess Day. Already married but pretending to have another wedding so you get a big party). So.... you get one day. Choose one day.

jessica11669 · June 2014

My MOH is hosting bridal shower in hometown. Then wedding is in Vegas, followed by reception then honeymoon.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

jessica11669 said:

My MOH is hosting bridal shower in hometown. Then wedding is in Vegas, followed by reception then honeymoon.

So what is the ceremony and reception in hometown? Or was this just a problem with wording?

Also, keep in mind that only guests invited to the wedding can be invited to the bridal shower. But of course it's okay to invite to the bridal shower guests who were invited to the wedding, but maybe can't travel (KWIM?)

ETF autocorrect. Cane travel sounds interesting but I don't think OP's guests are arriving to her wedding on canes.

jessica11669 · June 2014

Nothing but bridal shower is in hometown. Wording got messed up sorry.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

jessica11669 said:

Nothing but bridal shower is in hometown. Wording got messed up sorry.

Gotcha.

Just tell your friends and family your wedding is in Las Vegas and you don't want to have a second celebration when you come home.

Alternatively, if you would like to appease them-- just have a casual BBQ and don't call it wedding-related. Invite said friends and family over to your house, and have some wedding photos around in case anybody asks. That would be fine and not tacky at all!

CMGragain · June 2014

You will have your wedding reception in Vegas. (You do realize that everyone who is invited to your shower must have been invited to your wedding?)

Just have a nice open house party back home and show off your wedding and honeymoon photos.

LondonLisa · June 2014

I agree with PP that it is tacky to have a second wedding reception. But just to reiterate, it is also perfectly fine to NOT have a party when you get back from Las Vegas. It sounds like you feel it is more hassle than it is worth, and that is perfectly fair. Any party planning and hosting can be tiring and, in some cases, expensive. Don't feel that you have to have a wedding part 2 to appease others.

AddieCake · June 2014

Ugh. The reception tour strikes again. I'm glad you aren't really wanting to do this. People need to stop expecting brides and grooms to throw multiple parties in multiple locations to accommodate those who can't (or won't ) go to the wedding if it's not local.

jenna8984 · June 2014

@addiecake Seriously in laws need to cut the shit. My FMIL is insisting that she's having a party for us 3 weeks after our wedding because she wants "to celebrate with all her friends and family that we refuse to invite to the wedding." They are not invited because we don't know them or don't give a shit about them. How totally inappropriate to have a party with them afterwards?!? I keep saying no but it's not sinking in for her.

MyNameIsNot · June 2014

Tell them to get over it. (Nicely). This is just destination wedding guilt. Of course not everyone will be able to come, but expecting you to throw another party that they can come to is entitled. Just say that you won't be throwing another party back home, but you can celebrate together the next time you see each other when you get back.

allymdd · June 2014

I totally second this. FIs family lives about ten hours away and many cant travel. We are getting married where we live, reception, etc. then flying to his hometown and just having a big pool party/ picnic with his relatives. It doesnt have to be a big production, just time to celebrate together. However, I also agree with OP, especially if people had a lot of time to plan and budget

[Deleted User] · June 2014

Second party to celebrate your wedding isn't tacky, but instead of hosting a full party what about a cook out or just a night out with friends going to your normal places you would go for a night out?

kgd7357 · June 2014

My parent's insisted on a party in my hometown, since many people can't travel to our wedding. I said not on my dime, but I"m happy to show up, eat, and party. They decided to do a backyard BBQ right before we leave for our honeymoon about a month after the wedding. I think a lot of people do appreciate it, since it cut down on travel for a lot of people and it's way more kid friendly. If you don't want to host one that is totally fine. I wouldn't have done it for myself, but it can be nice.

Fairyjen1 · June 2014

We are having a destination wedding at Disneyland with only 20 people. Immediate family only. That's it! No showers, AHR's, second receptions or even celebration of our marriage parties! The closest we will get to any pre-wedding parties is my sister taking me out for a drink the night before at the Tiki Bar at the Disneyland resort.

I get what you are saying though. All of our extended families have no problems with this. It's our friends that keep assuming we'll have a second party at home after. Some are insisting we owe them a big party. It told the worst offender in a fit of frustration if they wanted to host and pay for it, go ahead. So far I have no takers, LOL..

In our case, we are part of a large community theater group and once we invite my large family (his is pretty small and scattered all over) and everyone in the theater group we'd quickly get up to 300 people. I didn't feel like planning anything that big so an immediate family only destination wedding it is!

Don't let people bully you into having something you don't want. I get the destination wedding guilt, I had it for about the first month of planning. People will be dissapointed, but there is nothing wrong with having one. Don't feel you have to defend your decision to anyone either. I explain mine on these boards in case it will help someone else see how I got to my choice, but in real life I let them know it's immediate family only at Disneyland and bean dip after that.

2nd Reception Tacky

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