Second Cousins invite

Re: Second Cousins invite

• melbelleup member

  

  June 2014

  larrygaga said:

  I need to double check something that I think I know the answer to? I have lots and lots of cousins, and many second cousins. I know/have a relationship with about 2 of these second cousins. I want to invite them. Do I have to also invite every other second cousin, adding about 25 more kids? If that is so, I think I will skip inviting the two second cousins I do know. I want to invite all the parents (first cousins.)

  
  

  how do cousins

  You can invite whoever you would like as long as you invite their significant others
  

  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  June 2014

  I think it's a know-your-family thing. Etiquette-wise, yes, you can invite only the people you're close to.
  
  We invited one of my mom's first cousins and his wife and kids and another first cousin and his wife (so...my first cousins once removed and two second cousins?) but not her four other first cousins and their kids, even though it was the same degree of relationship (and same side of the family.)
  
  People (seemed to) understand it was a question of to whom we were close rather than to whom we were related.
  
  DH invited all of his father's first cousins and their spouses (12 people.) He wanted to invite two kids of one of the cousins but not all the others (there are 16 total, but they're all married or have SOs, so that would have been 32 more people.)
  
  I argued against it because although HE is only close to those two second cousins, the parents of all those second cousins (six sisters who are 7 years apart from oldest to youngest) are SUPER SUPER SUPER close and I knew it would cause a rift, so I suggested inviting them all. He didn't want to do that, so he chose to invite none of them.
  
  If you're only close to some of them and it won't cause a rift, only invite the ones you're close to.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• ashleyep member

  

  June 2014

  Similar to what HGF said, we're inviting two of my mom's cousins - they're siblings and they come to our family stuff occasionally. She doesn't see her other cousins much so we didn't invite them. 

  
  

  FI wanted to only invite some of his cousins but I thought it would cause a problem, so he invited all of them.

  
  

  Common advice is to invite in circles - if you invite one cousin, invite them all - but this is done to try and mitigate hurt feelings. Etiquette says you can invite whomever you want. Find a good balance between not inviting those you don't care to invite, and avoiding family feuds.

  

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• larrygaga member

  

  June 2014

  flantastic said:

  Clarifying question: Are all these kids the children of your first cousins, like you implied in your last line? Because that would be first cousins once removed. Second cousins are the children of your parents' first cousins, which generally makes them the same generation/similar age to you. I'm just trying to figure out whether we're talking about children.

  OHHH. Second cousins once removed. They are children of my cousins. I had no idea what once removed meant!

  
  

  Thanks guys! I don't think it would cause too many problems to not invite all the kids, and just invite the two. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• bmydesigner member

  

  June 2014

  Definitely a know your family type of thing. Only two of my cousins have kids, the one's kids I am close with and the others I'm not because they live in Texas. I'm inviting both though since the second will be coming from out of town. If they were local, I would probably not invite them.

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• sofakingmad member

  

  June 2014

  Just to clarify, your cousin's kids are your first cousins once removed.  Your cousin's kids and your kids will be second cousins.

  
  

  The once removed is the generational gap.

  
  

  

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• kitty8403 member

  

  June 2014

  I agree, this is a know-your-family deal. I've seen other threads where Knotties say this is fine, but it would not fly in my family.
  We allowed for first cousins and their children. I am not inviting any second cousins, even though I know a couple of them.

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