Split Wedding...anyone else do this?

ashleigh816 · June 2014

Hi! This is my first posting here! My name is Ashleigh and I just got engaged three weeks ago, and it's been wonderful! My fiance is from Ireland and his parents were planning to come in August for a visit and we decided that we would officially get married then, and have a larger reception for [less immediate] family and friends next year. Has anyone else done this? What did you guys do? And I'm wondering how to sort of split it and when we have our reception next year (no date yet, but I'm thinking late summer), what stuff should be included? A vow renewal? First dance? Bridesmaids/groomsmen? Or is all that kind of silly and we should just have a reception and a big party? Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and start sharing ideas!

buddysmom80 · June 2014

ashleigh816 said:

Hi! This is my first posting here! My name is Ashleigh and I just got engaged three weeks ago, and it's been wonderful! My fiance is from Ireland and his parents were planning to come in August for a visit and we decided that we would officially get married then, and have a larger reception for [less immediate] family and friends next year. Has anyone else done this? What did you guys do? And I'm wondering how to sort of split it and when we have our reception next year (no date yet, but I'm thinking late summer), what stuff should be included? A vow renewal? First dance? Bridesmaids/groomsmen? Or is all that kind of silly and we should just have a reception and a big party? Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and start sharing ideas!

Quoting for DD

Also, please click here: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/996776/legally-married-now-having-a-real-wedding-stop-here-first-aka-the-ppd-faq-thread/p1

AprilH81 · June 2014

ashleigh816 said:

Hi! This is my first posting here! My name is Ashleigh and I just got engaged three weeks ago, and it's been wonderful! My fiance is from Ireland and his parents were planning to come in August for a visit and we decided that we would officially get married then, and have a larger reception for [less immediate] family and friends next year. Has anyone else done this? What did you guys do? And I'm wondering how to sort of split it and when we have our reception next year (no date yet, but I'm thinking late summer), what stuff should be included? A vow renewal? First dance? Bridesmaids/groomsmen? Or is all that kind of silly and we should just have a reception and a big party? Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and start sharing ideas!

Congrats!

Your second "reception" will actually be a celebration of marriage and should NOT include a wedding dress, first dances, feeding each other cake (but cake is always welcome at a party). Renewing vows is iffy, since you will most likely married for less than a year when this party happens. Vow renewals should be reserved for a milestone anniversary or after a very rough patch in the marriage.

ashleigh816 · June 2014

Yeah, I'm going through a lot of this with my mom right now and we are just unsure, because it *is* unconventional. I'm not really the poufy dress type, and I've been perusing the other boards and it seems that this idea isn't usually all that well received, lol.

loveislouder · June 2014

Congratulations!!

I'd suggest just having a great big party, and celebrate like nobody's business. No big dress (feel free to wear white), no wedding party, etc.

That being said. Some of the things you'll read on this forum in regards to wedding hosting etiquette will still apply, like making sure you have sufficient seating, enough food for everyone, and that no one has to pay to be a part of your day (cash bars aren't acceptable, no "ticket" admissions, etc.)

Again, congratulations!

SBmini · June 2014

There's nothing wrong with having a wedding and then a celebration later so long as you don't call your second celebration a wedding- but I caution you that I think it's a huge waste of money. You are just starting your lives out together and the purpose of a wedding is to get married, which you will be in August. Having a big party nearly a year after the fact, I think, will feel forced to your guests. Plus there's all the costs and challenges that go a long with it.

Have you discussed this plan with them at all? They may all be totally OK with coming out again next year for your big wedding! Or- if you can pull it off, I would try to do the whole thing in August opposed to two different celebrations a year a part from each other.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

ashleigh816 said:

Yeah, I'm going through a lot of this with my mom right now and we are just unsure, because it *is* unconventional. I'm not really the poufy dress type, and I've been perusing the other boards and it seems that this idea isn't usually all that well received, lol.

Make believe weddings are what aren't well received, where people stage a do-over and either try to trick their friends into thinking it's the real thing, or think their friends will be just as satisfied seeing the do-over and not be disappointed.

BUT... cake and parties are ALWAYS well received! I would have your private ceremony in August as planned, and send out wedding announcements to everyone soon after (Ashleigh and FI were married in a private ceremony on August whatever. The couple will reside at bla bla bla). Then have your blowout first anniversary party on or around that date next year - have the DJ, great food, drinks, cake, etc, you can even have a spotlight anniversary dance if you want (though it won't be your "first dance") and you can wear whatever party dress you want! Skip the bouquet toss, garter, etc.

Congrats and welcome!

CMGragain · June 2014

You get ONE DAY. On your wedding day, you will get legally married, and have a reception for your guests.
You can have as many parties as you wish, later, but you cannot have another wedding or another wedding reception. I suggest you throw a kick-ass party instead. No wedding dress, no wedding attendants, no wedding ANYTHING!

bethsmiles · June 2014

You could just have the wedding in August. Planning a wedding in a couple of months is absolutely possible. Or you could see if his parents would fly out in a year or so for a wedding.

However, if you are set on the "split wedding" idea don't just do a re-do in a year. You can have a party (who doesn't love a party?) to celebrate your marriage but, like PPs have said, don't have any of the wedding traditions (vow renewal, dress, bridal party, first dance, etc).

littlestmonkey · June 2014

We're doing something similar - wedding in London, party in the US. I would definitely suggest talking to his family first before assuming that they won't fly out. I know FI was a bit nervous about asking his family to fly internationally for our wedding but they are actually beyond excited and are clearly having so much fun planning their trips. A lot of his friends are also making the journey and in the week after our wedding there will be wedding guests visiting many different countries in Europe. Seeing their excitement at planning their different trips has actually increased our excitement even more. However, obviously not everyone is able to travel (especially those with young children) so FI's mother wants to throw another party here to celebrate. We're going to have this as close to the wedding as possible so that it doesn't feel like too long after the fact. And it's going to be food, drink and maybe some music on an iPod. I'm planning on wearing the dress I have in mind for the rehearsal dinner. I would bear in mind that if you do want to ask people to travel they are far more likely to for a wedding, than an anniversary party. Edited for spelling and paragraphs

littlestmonkey · June 2014

I had paragraphs, I swear

KatieinBkln · June 2014

emmaboyle said: I had paragraphs, I swear
TK won't let me do anything resembling cogent formatting, and when it does, I'm stuck in the box.

ETF: words because I read "had" as "hate." Also, now I'm apparently not allowed to HAVE a box, which is hilarious and also what she said, maybe.

ashleigh816 · June 2014

Probably like with many other families, we have some extenuating circumstances to actually start our marriage, which I'm very excited and happy to do. But a reception to include all of our extended friends (even our very best friends, even our oldest friends) just is not feasible financially in two months time. I'm sort of rethinking having a celebration or party next year though now. Thanks everyone for input!

JCbride2015 · June 2014

Ashleigh you sound like a totally reasonable and well-intentioned person. Please stick around, you seem cool!

Ditto PPs advice: if you want to have a party, go ahead, just don't call it a wedding or do a vow renewal ceremony. Definitely don't lie about whether you're married or not. But your wedding day is the really special day. So if I were in your situation, I'd either A) see if FPILs can fly out in a year-ish for a big wedding, or

just do the best you can to have a kick-ass reception in August.

Dignity100 · June 2014

@Ashleigh816 - Thank you for looking at and considering everybody's advice instead of explaining why your situation is different and trying to validate everything is OK.

A Wedding followed by a Party/Celebration in a year is a great option for your situation!

blabla89 · June 2014

I think sending out wedding announcements shortly after your ceremony, and then throwing a kick-ass anniversary party next summer, is a great idea. Everyone loves a party, and I'm sure your friends and extended family would be delighted to come out and celebrate your marriage with you.

ashleigh816 · June 2014

Thanks again for your consideration- I think when I put this thread up, I didn't know exactly what to call some sort of future celebration, but that's exactly what it would be!

Split Wedding...anyone else do this?

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