Common last name for the family

Robby60 · June 2014

I never changed my last name after we get married as a tribute to my lineage(being the only child to my parents) and my husband kept his. My husband and I gave our daughter my last name. My hubby had offered to change his last name when our daughter was born but we somehow never got to it and I didnt really want him to lose his identity. So in our family its Jen Jones, Sally Jones(Me and daughter) and Rob Smith(Husband)

This is causing some confusion at her school as people think he is not ber bio-dad but a step parent. Many people also call him Mr Jones.What is the easier option? Hubby changing his last name? Or we just hypenate our daughters name so she becomes Sally Jones- Smith. My hubby is okay either ways

Many of our friends have their kids with a Hypen or 2 double names to show connection to both parents.

Iam very confused and your ideas will be appreciated

sarawifenow · June 2014

Hyphenated last names are pretty common now. I think that if your daughter is young enough, she would never remember having her last name as anything different than the hyphenated version.

ladyamanuet · June 2014

I'm more for your hubby changing, but that's because I am personally not a fan of hyphenated names. But either would work just fine

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2014

I think you fight the good fight with the school and correct them nicely every time they screw up.

It shouldn't be weird to them that a kid has a different last name than one of the parents, nor should the assumption be that the non-same-name parent is a step-parent.

I'm not a fan of hyphenated names and I'm really not a fan of your family changing something that works for you because a bureaucracy can't figure it out.

ETF grammar fail

loveislouder · June 2014

I think it's your family, and if this is the way you guys have been doing it for years, it's your family's identity.

My ex-boyfriend's family was like that... Mom and ex boyfriend had one last night, and dad had a different one. Yes, it was a minor inconvenience to correct people all the time, but that's their family and they like it just the way it is.

emmyg65 · June 2014

Agreed that you should keep fighting the good fight and explaining it. We'll be hyphenating our kid's name. It's less than ideal, but it allows both DH and I to keep our names and to pass them to the kid. They're both short (like Smith-Jones), so no biggie.

phira · June 2014

Correct the school.

Honestly, you'd still be facing a lot of these issues if your child had your husband's last name, except people might not assume you weren't bio-mom. But you'd still be called Mrs Smith all the time.

twitterbird · June 2014

I'd correct the school. I don't mind hyphenated names when people get married but I don't like them on kids. Many of my friends who never changed their last names get called by their fiance's name all the time. And their husbands get called by their wife's name. Probably something that will continue to happen not just at school.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

I know a couple who gave their first child dad's last name, and the second child has mom's last name. So the two brothers have different last names. I'm sure it's probably confusing to some people, but it works for their family, so no changing just because other people are confused.

selenathegreat · June 2014

It is OK to confuse people! That's the small price to pay for doing anything outside the norm. If your husband wants to change his name, go for it, but he doesn't HAVE to. If you want to hyphenate your kid's name, go for it, but you don't have to, again. Hyphenate here who managed to survive life with nothing worse than patiently spelling my name a lot.

All that said, if I were you I'd just explain patiently and not change any names.

melbenso · June 2014

FI's cousin's wife didn't change her name and the kids have her last name. Cousin kept his original last name. They found the confusion annoying sometimes, but ultimately ignored it. The kids are now adults. Each is married and kept their maiden name. One just had a child who has mom's last name instead of dad's. So clearly it wasn't something that bothered her too much in her childhood.

I say do whatever makes the most sense for your family personally and just ignore other's mistakes. As long as your child understands, nothing else matters.

goingon10yrs · June 2014

My Hubby is John Smith, and I hyphenated my last name, but we've considered changing his last name to make flying easier, but in talking to the TSA/FBI etc, it would be more difficult for him, because he would then have to prove he was a John Smith. So just something you might want to check in to. Good luck!

IrishPirate60 · June 2014

Good friends have been married 20+ years, both of them are teachers and were well-established in their careers when children came along.Their two girls have Dad's last name--which worked out well when they attended the high school where Mom taught.

Having different last names has worked well for them. The girls know who they belong to. Everyone else just deals. Not a problem.

Hispanic families have double last names. I think it's mainly Anglos who find multiple last names an issue.

For me, I was born with one last name (my dad's) and he died. Adopted by my stepfather, I used his last name, but always included my birth name when I wanted to be formal. All the way through school and into my first career, had stepdad's name, but then he went beyond Ultimate Jerkdom and I went to court and changed my name back. I haven't looked back.

Jen4948 · June 2014

Correct the school. It's up to you and your husband to decide what your names and your daughter's name is, and if they get it wrong, make that clear as well as what your daughter's name is.

tesskerr · June 2014

We gave our baby my last name as her middle name, and FI last name as her last name. I will keep my last name and FI will keep his. It was super confusing to people for awhile, because when she was born (until the birth has been registered) she had my last name as her last name (they automatically have the mothers last name here in New Zealand). So she had the same middle name as her last name. It confused people, and a lot of people didn't even bother to try to understand. So annoying!

Common last name for the family

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