Wedding Etiquette Forum

Gifts

Help! I have a slightly different situation. Myself and future hubby are both military who are stationed overseas. Next year, after we're married, he'll be on a short tour (1year) and I will be at my current base for 5 months before hopefully going back to the states for several months for training before we will end up at the same base together, which we are hoping is overseas. I have my own apartment filled with household good and really don't need anymore stuff (kitchens over here are tiny and I don't have closets!). I have no way to exchange things I don't like, anyone who gets us a gift either has to pay to ship it over here or we have to pay for shipping (it's USPS but still not cheap!), and everything would just end up in storage for at minimum a year. We do love to travel and have a lot of opportunities to see all over Europe. Is there a non-trashy way to ask for money gifts if people want to give gifts? Like if I said what our favorite restaurant is and people could give us money for a dinner there or I said a couples massage costs so much and people could say the money goes towards that. I understand some people will still be totally against it so Ill register for a few things but it seems like such a waste for material things that'll sit in storage versus "experiences" we'd actually use! Any advice on how to go about doing this? Sorry for the hecka long question!!!

Re: Gifts

  • Help! I have a slightly different situation. Myself and future hubby are both military who are stationed overseas. Next year, after we're married, he'll be on a short tour (1year) and I will be at my current base for 5 months before hopefully going back to the states for several months for training before we will end up at the same base together, which we are hoping is overseas. I have my own apartment filled with household good and really don't need anymore stuff (kitchens over here are tiny and I don't have closets!). I have no way to exchange things I don't like, anyone who gets us a gift either has to pay to ship it over here or we have to pay for shipping (it's USPS but still not cheap!), and everything would just end up in storage for at minimum a year. We do love to travel and have a lot of opportunities to see all over Europe. Is there a non-trashy way to ask for money gifts if people want to give gifts? Like if I said what our favorite restaurant is and people could give us money for a dinner there or I said a couples massage costs so much and people could say the money goes towards that. I understand some people will still be totally against it so Ill register for a few things but it seems like such a waste for material things that'll sit in storage versus "experiences" we'd actually use! Any advice on how to go about doing this? Sorry for the hecka long question!!!

    1. There is never a tactful way to ask people to give you money for specific gifts.

    2. If you truly don't need anything, don't register for anything. Spread the word (as in, when people ask you, tell them) you're saving for a move or will be moving soon and can't take much stuff with you.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • There is NO polite way to ask for money. If you don't want physical gifts don't register for any. I assume your wedding guests are close enough to you to know your situation and would opt for monetary gifts. If someone asks about registry, just say you are not registered but saving for xyz. 
  • Your best bet would be to not register for anything. Then, when people ask what you want, say "Oh, we don't need anything, but we are saving up to travel to X." Tell your parents that, and maybe your most gossip-loving family member, and people will find out.
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  • If you don't want anything, don't register for anything. Use word of mouth to convey your situation. So, when people ask your mom or sister or who ever where you're registered they can say, "Oh, they didn't register anywhere, but I know they have been saving up for XYZ." Those who would give you cash will and those who don't like to give cash gifts, wouldn't even if you put up a billboard over the interstate asking for cash gifts or gift cards only.
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  • Ditto all PPs. People know that cash is appreciated. They don't need to be told this.
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  • We didn't register. We didn't need anything. Most people asked our parents what we wanted and they told people we were saving for our honeymoon and for improvements to our home.

    When people asked us why we didn't register, we said we just had everything we needed and didn't want to register for items for the sake of getting gifts.

    We had a few physical gifts, but mostly checks.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • Ditto PP's. 

    It also wont hurt to use word-of-mouth to spread around about the moves/situation. My FI is military and we generally do cash for other military couples unless they have giant registries, especially if we know there's TDY's or PCS's coming up. 
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  • Also, decline a shower if anyone offers you one unless you do plan on registering for things. Money/Gift Card/Honeymoon showers are tacky as hell so do not go down that road.

    Gratz on your upcoming wedding, good luck with travel and thanks for serving!
  • Ok, thanks for the advice everyone! I think my MIL is registering us for a few things but other that I don't think we'll register for anything! Then people can just decide if they want to give us a gift or not. I really just want to enjoy the time with family friends and could care less about gifts.
  • Totally understand! I just wouldn't register, as PPs said. You can spread the word about saving, but I think most people will get the hint if you point out that you are stationed overseas and don't want to deal with storing/moving a lot of extra stuff right now, especially since one/both of you expects to PCS out relatively soon and you'll have a weight limit.
  • Ok, thanks for the advice everyone! I think my MIL is registering us for a few things but other that I don't think we'll register for anything! Then people can just decide if they want to give us a gift or not. I really just want to enjoy the time with family friends and could care less about gifts.
    Why is your MIL doing the registering? I'd be worried she would pick out stuff I didn't like.
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