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Wedding 911

All good :)

edited June 2014 in Wedding 911
I talked to my Bridesmaid and we had a real heart to heart! All has been resolved! Thank you all for your wonderful advice!

Re: All good :)

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sorry this is long ladies, but I had to let it out! I would love some advice from you brides out there. One of my closest friends, once upon a time, is a bridesmaid in my wedding. When I got engaged a year ago, I believed that she would be a great addition to my bridal party. But, I have regretted that decision since then. She was a childhood friend of mine and at times we have been very close and we were when I became engaged. But for whatever reason when I would call her she would not want to talk about wedding events. Instead we always ended up talking about what she wants for her wedding, note she is not engaged, or what is happening in her life. This bugged me, but I had an amazing Matron of Honor! (I swear I owe her BIG!) So I kept on. Now this Bridesmaid lived 3 hours away, no job, no car, and attending classes. Every time we talked she made it a point to tell me how she didn't have any money. So I tried to be as understanding to this as possible. Eventually a month before my Bridal Shower she moved back into her parents house which was only 45 min from me. Before we knew it my Bridal Shower was getting closer. My Matron of Honor had contacted all of the Bridesmaids, but this Bridesmaid never returned any emails. In fact, we had to repeatedly email and text her to find out what food item she was bringing. Six days before the shower she finally messaged me back saying that she wouldn't be bringing anything because she had no money and that she didn't know if she could make it to the shower. Now I understand she didn't have a car or a job. So I offered to have my mother pick her up, since they only live 10 min away from each other. But I do wish she would have notified us sooner about not being able to bring anything or having a ride. She finally ended up borrowing her sisters car. She didn't bring a gift, but I was ok with this since I knew she was jobless at the time. (My MOH on the other hand was furious with her.) Shortly after this I am informed that the Bridesmaid dress that was picked out by my other two Bridesmaid, (Not the one I'm having issues with), was being discontinued. Now my other Bridesmaids have already ordered there dresses. Guess who hasn't yet? So I frantically call my Bridesmaid up and tell her she needs to get the dress right away. I ask her multiple times if she can afford the dress. She continues to tell me that she has the money, but she has to wait a week before she can order. So a week goes by and she calls to tell me she doesn't have all the money. So I call David's Bridal and find out there is a layaway and she will only have to pay $40 up front to get the dress. I call and tell her and she says that is fine and she will get the dress on Friday. So Friday comes, she calls me when she is leaving David's Bridal and says everything should be fine. I again tell her what dress to get and to talk to the ladies at the store and they will find me in their system where the dress info is saved. We hang up the phone and I start to feel better. Then she calls me about 10 min later saying she doesn't really have the money. So I run to Walmart and wire her $40 so she can pay for the down payment of the dress. Crazy right? So a month goes by and all in one week, my Aunt passes away, my MOH looses her unborn baby, and my cat becomes so sick the Vet thinks in might be lymphoma or Irritable Bowl Diseases (IBD). Incase you don't know what this is, it causes vomiting, and diarrhea. In some cases it can be so severe it can cause death or cause the cat or dog to develop lymphoma. (It turned out to be IBD.) I had to cancel a meeting I was going to have with this Bridesmaid to make my Aunts funeral. For the rest of the month I was in a continuous funk because if felt that everyone around me was getting sick or dying. A few month after, my Bridesmaids calls me up and begins our conversation like so, "I feel that you don't want me to be in your wedding and that the only reason you asked me to be part of your wedding is because we have been friends for so long." She says that she has felt for a while that I haven't wanted her to be in the wedding or do wedding stuff. She used the example from when I cancelled on her, (remember I did this for my Aunt's Funeral). She also said that I had not called her to reschedule a meeting with her. (Remember I was in a funk that month and my cat just was diagnosed with IBD). She blamed me for not contacting her and having her do craft items with me. (Remember up to just recently she lived 3 hrs away with no car or money). I tried to explain to her that I was trying to be understanding to what she was going through and I didn't want to ask her to do anything that I know she wouldn't be able to do. She also brought up the fact that she had to drive to my Bridal Shower, not knowing where she was going and that no one talked to her at the shower. Which isn't true because I talked to her and so did another Bridesmaid who didn't know anyone. There was more of the conversations but those are the big points she made. Now we are getting closer to my Bachlerette party. We made plans for my MOH and her to meet up the morning of the bachlerette party to get their dresses taken in. The day before, she contacts my MOH and says she doesn't have money for the Bachlerette party the next night. (She was asked to bring one drink (non or alcoholic) and one food item.) Btw, she now has a car and a full time job. I start asking her about this and she says she only has $50 till payday. I tell her that the alterations might cost up to $50. She replies, "I thought you were paying for the alterations?" WHAT? So I call the alterations place and find out she can pay when she picks up which brings her to her payday. She then informs me that she can't meet us at the Winery but can meet us at my house where we were spending the rest of the night playing games and drinking. This was last weekend. I walk into the alterations store and there is my Bridesmaid wearing the WRONG COLOR DRESS!!! She folds her arms and looks at me and says, "You told me Navy." I replied that it had always been Royal Blue and she decides to check her phone to see who was right. She sees the text that says Royal Blue and blames her mistake on the photo that I sent her. Now the photo I sent her was of a plum dress, because they didn't have a royal blue in the store for the girls to try on. So she puts her phone away and says, "Well they didn't have a Royal Blue dress at the store so there is nothing I could have done." Please note, she never once apologized. That night is my Bachlerette we are at the winery. About an hour before we leave to go to my place she messages me saying she won't be at the party because she has hives and her meds wont let her drive. So, my question is this ladies. Do you think it's time for me to ask her to not be part of my wedding party? She has started so much drama. Caused so much stress! And SHE BOUGHT THE WRONG COLOR DRESS! She must not have known even my wedding colors because Navy was and has never been one of my wedding colors. I thinking about asking her to bow out. She doesn't seam to care about my wedding day and I'm waiting 5 years and a deployment for this day. I don't want any more stress or drama on my special day. HELP!

    No. Dresses aren't important, friends are.
    melbelleup
  • And I agree with you. Dresses don't matter. And if it wasn't for the drama, blaming, and stress that she brought me this year, I wouldn't be considering this. But it seems to me that she doesn't care much about me or the wedding. So now it just seems like the dress is the final punch.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    And I agree with you. Dresses don't matter. And if it wasn't for the drama, blaming, and stress that she brought me this year, I wouldn't be considering this. But it seems to me that she doesn't care much about me or the wedding. So now it just seems like the dress is the final punch.
    I'm sorry but your friend has more pressing matters then your wedding.  She is jobless, car-less and she had to move back in with her parents.  Your wedding is not her top priority.  She probably feels pressure to help out with things even though she knows she can't and then puts off telling you or your other BMs that she just can't do things that revolve around money because she is probably embarrassed.

  • I agree. But she only didn't have a job for the first part of the year. She moved back in with her parents because she finished school, but soon after got a full time job, but still couldn't help with anything. I have tried to be understanding of her situation with money. But now she makes more then me!

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I agree. But she only didn't have a job for the first part of the year. She moved back in with her parents because she finished school, but soon after got a full time job, but still couldn't help with anything. I have tried to be understanding of her situation with money. But now she makes more then me!

    Probably because she had a new full time job and was also trying to recoup some money into her savings.  And just because she makes more then you doesn't mean that she has disposable income.  She may have bills you are unaware of.  When you are jobless guess what you use a lot? Credit cards.  She may be trying to pay them down, pay off school loans and any other debt she may have.  Unless you are her accountant you have no idea what her financial status is like right now.

    And she has a navy dress and the other girls have royal blue (at least they are in the same color family).  It really isn't that big of a deal. But it sounds to me like you are done with her because she just wasn't there like you wanted her to be.  So do her a favor and kick her out because you don't seem to want her as a friend anymore and that will definitely be the end of the friendship.

  • You'd better hope there's one on a rack somewhere or ebay. There are so many David's Bridal dresses on eBay and the classified boards that I'd say the chances of finding one last minute are good.
    gettinghitched1234
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