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Wedding Etiquette Forum
AmberW239
member
Guest couple broke up... do I still invite her?
My fiance and I are friends with a guy who was in a serious and long term relationship (before we became friends with him). We of course invited he and the GF (via save the date) although the GF has really only ever been an acquaintance, and I wouldn't say that we have ever been close with her. They recently went through a sudden and very unexpected break up. In a private conversation, my Fi and I decided we probably wouldn't put her name on the invite. She recently send me a facebook message asking if she was still invited to the wedding. She continued that our friend, her ex, might have to work the weekend of our wedding, so it most likely would have been only her attending anyway. She went on to say that if I was worried about it being awkward, she could assure me it wouldn't be.
We simply just did not plan to invite her anymore since we aren't very close to her. Should we invite her? I'm mostly flabbergasted that she asked, in my opinion she has made the situation awkward by even asking. The few friends that I have shared this with agree with me and my fiance, but I wanted to get the opinion of other brides!
We simply just did not plan to invite her anymore since we aren't very close to her. Should we invite her? I'm mostly flabbergasted that she asked, in my opinion she has made the situation awkward by even asking. The few friends that I have shared this with agree with me and my fiance, but I wanted to get the opinion of other brides!
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Re: Guest couple broke up... do I still invite her?
I hesitate to simply tell you to disinvite her and not worry about the consequences. What if she gets back together with your friend?
If you have the space, I probably would err on the side of inclusiveness and keep her on the list. I would not give her a date, and if she brings up a new SO, I think that gives you a clear out. But I don't think you're technically obligated to invite her now, and your first responsibility is to your friend. This girl doesn't get to decide what is/is not awkward for him or their mutual friends.
If the relationship was of significant duration, the woman in this situation is probably trying to determine where she stands with people she knew as part of the couple. I don't think that's entirely uncommon because I'm sure she now feels awkward. I know I felt weird with mutual friends after my divorce, but honestly, I didn't really try to retain those friendships because my goals and interests had changed (one of the major reasons for divorce). Anyway, just trying to offer some perspective as to why she's likely reaching out. She probably feels like she's in limbo after being part of a couple for so long, especially if they spent a lot of their social time with "his" friends.
If the relationship was of significant duration, the woman in this situation is probably trying to determine where she stands with people she knew as part of the couple. I don't think that's entirely uncommon because I'm sure she now feels awkward. I know I felt weird with mutual friends after my divorce, but honestly, I didn't really try to retain those friendships because my goals and interests had changed (one of the major reasons for divorce). Anyway, just trying to offer some perspective as to why she's likely reaching out. She probably feels like she's in limbo after being part of a couple for so long, especially if they spent a lot of their social time with "his" friends.
---SIB---
I agree with this. I guess I am also thinking of the OP's numbers. If she disinvited this girl, then friend gets invited as single. It sounds like friend can't come right now.
BUT, if they get back together, then suddenly that invite for one (which was being marked as a likely decline) is now a last-minute invite for two again--that means redoing seating charts, finding an extra place setting, paying for an extra meal. And it's awkward because you disinvited her and now she definitely knows you guys really are not her friends.
We invited H's friend and his girlfriend by name on our STD. They broke up. We barely knew her. We invited him alone.
But wow, seriously ballsy to send you a message asking you if she could still come. Why the fuck would she want to? "Oh hey, practical strangers, can I still show up?"
Yeah I don't think anybody said how long they'd been dating, or if the couple knew her at all previously in another context (like from school or work). I've run into quite a few people who think they are closer to us than I would have said! :-)
I'd probably invite her but only because I'm naturally non-confrontational.
I'm on the side of inviting him only + guest and telling her that I'm sorry, but we are inviting John as we are closer with him and I don't want to count on him having to work & not coming. For all we know he might change his work schedule around to be able to attend.
I'm the sort who probably would decline kindly in this scenario. But if she was invited, she was invited -- I don't think she'd be obligated to decline if she actually wanted to go.
@perdonami I like your suggestion of inviting the boyfriend with a +1. That doesn't solve this relationship dilemma, but at least it would make it so the OP didn't have to find a last-minute seat in case this couple turned into an on-again, off-again thing.
But yes, this is the reason I was given when I asked a cousin why she didn't put BF/GF's names on the invite - even though they had been together for years. "Well what if they break up?" So? You'll deal with it if that happens.