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Wedding Etiquette Forum

How do you let people know the "circles" that you invited in?

Yes, I'm sorry its another Kids at the wedding post.
We invited only down to our first cousins and spread (via word of mouth) that kids are not invited. I've been asked by cousins, step siblings, and friends if they could bring their kids and I said no. However, some of my 1st cousins are kids- 1 yr old, 3 yr old, and 4 yr old. Just got the RSVP that their mom is planning to bring all of them.
How do I inform these folks who's kids I declined to invite that the kids at the event are my 1st cousins and that's the list we stuck to?
I'm certain they'll be passive aggressively angry at me once they see the other kids there.

Re: How do you let people know the "circles" that you invited in?

  • "We can only accommodate through first cousins, and yes, some of my first cousins are very young. So, how bout those Pirates?"
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    Anniversary
  • Ooo this is a tough one.  I'm all about inviting in circles, as it usually prevents people from feeling purposefully left-out, but it seems like your circles are overlapping.  You do want first cousins, but don't want kids.  I suppose you have two choices at this point.  Either have your young, first-cousins attend the wedding and just deal with the fact that people will be "passive aggressively angry" at you (though you'd like to think that they would understand that these people fall within the "cousin" umbrella), or you could clarify with your aunt/uncle that, while first-cousins are invited, it is also an adult-only party. Question though - how did you phrase the wording on the invitation? Did you address it to just aunt & uncle?  Or to aunt, uncle & family?  The way you addressed it might make your decision for you.  Unfortunately, I don't really know which option is better or more proper.  It seems like you're picking between two very sticky situations. 
  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I mean, I'd go back in time and come up with something besides, "We're not inviting kids," since you clearly are. But that doesn't mean 1) you have to spread some kind of word about circles, or 2) you're now obligated to invite kids because someone pressed you for more info and figured out that you meant, "We're not inviting ALL kids."

    Unless someone ASKS you, I wouldn't say anything. If they do ask, @chibiyui's script works perfectly. Answer the question honestly, change the subject, boom.
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    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • Agreed.  This is probably your best option.
  • If someone questions your first cousins attendance then they just suck.   But if someone does question them just say "We invited everyone up to our first cousins regardless of age".  Then bean dip them.

    Kids are not all created equal.  I only invited my nieces and nephews.  I didn't give a shit if someone questioned me.  I'm allowed to inviting anyone I want.  I wanted my nieces and nephews.  I have better relationship with them then other kids.  I really do not care if they were upset.     


    ** note - my social group rarely invites kids, we understand the concept of inviting kids in circles.  NBD








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Honestly, this is an area where nobody needs to know. 
    They don't need to be told, "We aren't inviting kids outside this circle" -- unless you're simply letting someone close to you, like your MIL or your mom, know what your circle is so they can help enforce the boundary while collecting RSVPs.
    Other than that, it's not anybody else's business why you chose the circles you did. It should be enough to say, "I'm sorry, little Cutesy Sparklepants is not invited. Will you still be able to attend?"
  • afaber24 said:
    Yes, I'm sorry its another Kids at the wedding post.
    We invited only down to our first cousins and spread (via word of mouth) that kids are not invited. I've been asked by cousins, step siblings, and friends if they could bring their kids and I said no. However, some of my 1st cousins are kids- 1 yr old, 3 yr old, and 4 yr old. Just got the RSVP that their mom is planning to bring all of them.
    How do I inform these folks who's kids I declined to invite that the kids at the event are my 1st cousins and that's the list we stuck to?
    I'm certain they'll be passive aggressively angry at me once they see the other kids there.
    Honestly, I wouldn't give anyone any info on what circles I invited guests in, as it is frankly none of anyone's business.

    If you have guests that are going to get butthurt at the reception because you didn't invite their kids, those guests will need a course in building bridges and getting the fuck over things.  If they act passive aggressive, ignore them and continue to enjoy your day.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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