this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

People inviting themselves

ilrakilrak member
Second Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, I'm a on-again off-again lurker, posting for the first time because this problem has kept coming up and I don't quite know how to handle it (and can't find the threads for it today).

I need to stop mentioning that I'm engaged/getting married because I've had many people who I barely know (as in, we were friends years ago but I haven't been in contact with them outside of facebook) either saying "I hope I get invited to your wedding!" or "I had better get an invite!", either when I see them in person with my fiance and they ask about our relationship status (the most awkward times for me), or just people who had seen that I'm engaged (Learned my lesson about changing my relationship status on facebook with that one). 

The thing is, we're trying to keep the wedding around 150-175 people (I would like smaller, but since fiance's family is helping out so much, I would like them to be able to invite whoever they want, and there really aren't that many people on my side that I'm truly close to). I don't quite know how to tell people that I can't invite them in a nice way. It's bad enough for me because I hate disappointing people, but goodness, this is starting to drive me crazy!

-ilrak
Report Reply to Post

Re: People inviting themselves

  • SuperSweet2014SuperSweet2014 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary
    My response when people say this to me is "we're still working on the guest list, so I'll see what I can do" and then I change the subject. If they ask me our wedding date, I simply say "August" and change the subject. If I don't give you the exact date, that's a pretty good indication that you shouldn't leave that date open on your calendar.
    Report Reply
  • beachyone15beachyone15 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I've had the same thing happen. Just try to brush it off or change the subject. If the same person keeps asking you multiple times just say that you couldn't invite everyone that you wanted to b/c (insert excuse here). I'm saying "budget constraints" which is actually the truth.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers



    Report Reply
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    "We haven't finalized the guest list yet. Have you tried the bean dip?"
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • Emmy1493Emmy1493 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    "Hey, I better get an invite."

    "Sorry, were really on a strict budget therefore our guest list is small...have your tried this yummy margarita? I think I will have another. Waiter!"


    Catch my drift? Beandip. Margaritadip. Whatever you gotta do to get off the subject. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
    Report Reply
  • krcbkrcb member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    I'm having the same thing happen - except through my mom! At a wedding this past weekend, my grandmother's friends said, "I can't wait to go to your daughter's wedding" and my aunt's friends said the same thing too! 

    I keep telling my mom to not feel guilted into inviting people. All I want is close family and a few friends. It's fine for my parents/FI's parents to want a few of their friends there but not these people who are inviting themselves! It happens to my mom all the time at church too. I guess everyone knows not to mention it to me. I
    Report Reply
  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I don't think you can use the line we're keeping it small because your numbers aren't small, but say that it's mostly family or 'We're unable to invite everyone we'd like.' Just don't make us BS because people are crazy and they will keep pushing. 
    Report Reply
  • insertusernamehereinsertusernamehere member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    RebeccaFlower said:

    I don't think you can use the line we're keeping it small because your numbers aren't small, but say that it's mostly family or 'We're unable to invite everyone we'd like.' Just don't make us BS because people are crazy and they will keep pushing. 

    I consider that on the small side in terms of wedding receptions that include family. Without counting friends at all, our families alone are almost 130 people. Our non-related guest list is going to be 40 people maximum.

    Report Reply
  • MollyandDMollyandD member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I keep having people do this too. Since my wedding is at the end of this month, I can no longer say "We are not done finalizing the guest list."  I have to now say, "We didn't have enough room in our venue to invite everyone we wanted."

    I leave out the important detail of, "And we didn't want you there in the first place."

    I'm not trying to be mean to anyone, but some people who haven't talked to me, other than a basic greeting, in the last several years suddenly think I should invite them to my wedding. I reserved my guest list for people who actually talk to me and care how my life is going. 
    Report Reply
  • melbensomelbenso member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014
    The number of times I have said "we weren't able to invite everyone that we wanted to" is getting a little ridiculous.  Sometimes it is true.  I really would have liked to invite everyone from my (10 person) office.  We just couldn't afford to.  Sometimes it is just a courtesy.  I had no intention of inviting the lady from another one of our offices who only ever contacts me to complain about things that happen at work.  But "why would I want to invite someone so negative to my wedding?" just didn't seem like the right thing to say.

    Most of these people mean no harm.  They are genuinely happy for you and want to share in that happiness.  Some of them are being rude and pushy. 

    In my experience, the people that I really did want to invite but couldn't afford to have been totally understanding of that fact and continue to be happy for me.  The nosy, pushy people continue to be nosy and pushy.  So I ignore them.  Because that's about them, not the wedding.

    Respond with something simple, direct, and true, such as "I'm sorry, we aren't able to invite everyone that we would like to." (Even if it's not true for that person.)  And don't engage in wedding talk around them.  It sucks to shut out your friends and coworkers, but it's better than building up their hopes and then hurting their feelings by not inviting them.

    Edited for spelling
    image
    Report Reply
  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    For one thing, steer clear of wedding talk with anyone who isn't definitely going to be invited. It sounds like you're already doing this, but if someone brings it up just change the subject as quickly as possible. Depending on who the person is, you can use any of the standard lines: we haven't finalized the guest list, we're planning to have a small wedding, FI has a huge family, we are sorry we aren't able to invite everyone we would like to. Then pass the bean dip. Or margaritadip.

    Margaritadip...I like that @emmy1493
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



    Report Reply
  • Emmy1493Emmy1493 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    blabla89 said:
    For one thing, steer clear of wedding talk with anyone who isn't definitely going to be invited. It sounds like you're already doing this, but if someone brings it up just change the subject as quickly as possible. Depending on who the person is, you can use any of the standard lines: we haven't finalized the guest list, we're planning to have a small wedding, FI has a huge family, we are sorry we aren't able to invite everyone we would like to. Then pass the bean dip. Or margaritadip.

    Margaritadip...I like that @emmy1493
    Haha! Thanks. I figured it would be a little more effective. Alchohol can be very, very effective. ;D
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
    Report Reply
  • EverAferEverAfer member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Stand in front of a mirror or role play with someone. Practice, "We're not able to invite everyone. I can't wait till Walking Dead starts up again/ did you catch Games of Thrones? "

    I like to leave it at that. No excuses so people don't think that they there's a possibility or offer to cover their plates.

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards