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Tipping help

sarapepsarapep member
Third Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
my wedding is 14 days away and I am freaking out about who to tip. Hair/ makeup is an obvious. 
Caterers - tip included 
?Bartenders?- they have a tip jar what more should I tip 
?Live music (3 guys for 3 hours), not hired through a manager, friend of mom and aunt, they are charging us 300 and we invited them to stay for drinks and we will feed them. 
?Venue (couple owns venue) will do set up and clean up(clean up is a 200 charge) 
? mandatory security guard 
? Photog (owns business) thus far she has been a bit of a nightmare to work with 
? Shuttle driver (complimentary hotel shuttle)

Help me out all the question marks I have no clue!!
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Re: Tipping help

  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    sarapep said:
    my wedding is 14 days away and I am freaking out about who to tip. Hair/ makeup is an obvious. 
    Caterers - tip included 
    ?Bartenders?- they have a tip jar what more should I tip 
    ?Live music (3 guys for 3 hours), not hired through a manager, friend of mom and aunt, they are charging us 300 and we invited them to stay for drinks and we will feed them. 
    ?Venue (couple owns venue) will do set up and clean up(clean up is a 200 charge) 
    ? mandatory security guard 
    ? Photog (owns business) thus far she has been a bit of a nightmare to work with 
    ? Shuttle driver (complimentary hotel shuttle)

    Help me out all the question marks I have no clue!!
    I honestly have no idea; sorry.

    But my point for responding is the bolded above. Are you saying that there will be a tip jar on the bar at your wedding? This is not appropriate, and is actually really rude.
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  • emmaaaemmaaa mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    sarapep said:
    my wedding is 14 days away and I am freaking out about who to tip. Hair/ makeup is an obvious. 
    Caterers - tip included Unless their service is excellent and you feel the need to tip extra, I would not.
    ?Bartenders?- they have a tip jar what more should I tip 
    ?Live music (3 guys for 3 hours), not hired through a manager, friend of mom and aunt, they are charging us 300 and we invited them to stay for drinks and we will feed them. since they are receiving all funds, a tip is not necessary. If you want to tip more, then do.
    ?Venue (couple owns venue) will do set up and clean up(clean up is a 200 charge) No, their tip is the $200
    ? mandatory security guard No, you are already paying for his service of him being there. If you think he goes above and beyond and wish to tip him, any amount would be appreciated.
    ? Photog (owns business) thus far she has been a bit of a nightmare to work with If you don't feel like her work has been satisfactory so far, I would plan to not tip her unless you are very pleased at the wedding. 
    ? Shuttle driver (complimentary hotel shuttle) I would give a generous tip to the driver since you aren't paying for them. Maybe $20/shuttle.

    Help me out all the question marks I have no clue!!
    I would ask the bartenders to not have a tip jar and state that you will tip them accordingly. Many guests may see this as rude.

    Also, a generous tip is 20%. However, when that person owns their own business you do not necessarily need to tip additional. But you always should tip what you feel is appropriate to the service you received.

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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2014
    sarapep said:
    my wedding is 14 days away and I am freaking out about who to tip. Hair/ makeup is an obvious. 
    Caterers - tip included 
    ?Bartenders?- they have a tip jar what more should I tip 
    ?Live music (3 guys for 3 hours), not hired through a manager, friend of mom and aunt, they are charging us 300 and we invited them to stay for drinks and we will feed them. 
    ?Venue (couple owns venue) will do set up and clean up(clean up is a 200 charge) 
    ? mandatory security guard 
    ? Photog (owns business) thus far she has been a bit of a nightmare to work with 
    ? Shuttle driver (complimentary hotel shuttle)

    Help me out all the question marks I have no clue!!
    You should be tipping the caterer (if it's included, that's fine, you're covered) and the bartender (no tip jar). I would also tip you musicians, because it seems that they low balled their price. 

    You don't have to tip the venue, you are paying to use it. I also don't think you have to tip the security guard. 

    I would tip the shuttle driver. And the photog can be tipped after the photos come in, if he/she did a great job.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Absolutely no tip jar for the bartender! Twenty percent for bartender and musicians and security guard. Venue and photographer do not need to be tipped. The shuttle driver is hard because I don't know how large it is or how many trips he'll be making. I guess on average, two dollars per person each way?
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  • sarapepsarapep member
    Third Anniversary First Comment
    the bar is open bar and we bring in our own booze so I am not sure why the bartenders wouldnt have a tip jar...  we wouldn't have a total to tip them off of.  Also Maybe its more common in the midwest, but I have never been to wedding where bartenders didn't get tipped.  Im a bartender so not letting the bartenders have a tip jar seems a bit ludicrous.

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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    sarapep said:
    the bar is open bar and we bring in our own booze so I am not sure why the bartenders wouldnt have a tip jar...  we wouldn't have a total to tip them off of.  Also Maybe its more common in the midwest, but I have never been to wedding where bartenders didn't get tipped.  Im a bartender so not letting the bartenders have a tip jar seems a bit ludicrous.

    The point is that you are hosting the alcohol and the wedding. That includes all costs, which includes tips. Guests should not have to open their wallet to tip. The host/hostesses job is to tip. If you don't have a total number of drinks to tip off of, tip off of what you are paying to have them there. Don't make your guests tip them. I wouldn't have money to tip them and I honestly would not tip at an open bar because I would assume that the host/hostess had it covered, as is only proper.

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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You understand now why you tip the bartender and your guests do not ? Tip him 20% additional of what you're paying him. No tip jar = no tips from guests.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    sarapep said:
    the bar is open bar and we bring in our own booze so I am not sure why the bartenders wouldnt have a tip jar...  we wouldn't have a total to tip them off of.  Also Maybe its more common in the midwest, but I have never been to wedding where bartenders didn't get tipped.  Im a bartender so not letting the bartenders have a tip jar seems a bit ludicrous.

    This is definitely not a "midwest thing". I live in the midwest and have only seen this done at ONE wedding, and it was an incredibly tacky wedding. (cash bar for cocktail hour, dollar dance, guests expected to help with clean-up, etc).
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  • emmaaaemmaaa mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    sarapep said:
    the bar is open bar and we bring in our own booze so I am not sure why the bartenders wouldnt have a tip jar...  we wouldn't have a total to tip them off of.  Also Maybe its more common in the midwest, but I have never been to wedding where bartenders didn't get tipped.  Im a bartender so not letting the bartenders have a tip jar seems a bit ludicrous.

    They definitely should still get tipped, but by you, not your guests. Some guests will still probably tip them. The bartenders can put it in their pocket or a box under the bar. That is a lot less tacky.

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  • Christie072Christie072 member
    Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    I'm in the middle of planning my wedding, so I'm not 100% sure on how to tip ether.  But my thoughts are below.   What do you think?

    Bartenders - Yes, even if you have a tip jar I'd give something.  You're a bartender, so you know how busy it can be at weddings and sometimes people don't bring cash to tip. 

    Live music (3 guys for 3 hours) - Yes (and btw - that's a fantastic deal!!) if they're friends of the family and not established as "professional" musicians I wouldn't go crazy (maybe 1/2 a normal tip, or gift cards), but if they are professionals who do this for a living, I'd definitely give them more than food & drinks    .  You can also play it by ear with how they do and how guests enjoy themselves.  Maybe bring two envelops per person and decide that night which one to give?

    Venue - I'd say no. They aren't providing you a service and you're paying them for cleanup.

    Mandatory security guard - I guess I'd see what exactly he has to do at the wedding.  If he's just sitting around, but deemed "mandatory" and you're already paying him, then I may or may no give a tip.  But if he's circling the perimeter and checking guests and actually doing something, then I'd give a regular tip. 

    Photographer - Maybe... If she's been horrible to deal with and she is the sole proprieter, I'd lean toward No.  (You're already paying her a lot and she gets 100% of the profit!)  But if you think not tipping her would reduce the quality of your final photos/prints (even though that would be extremely unprofessional), then maybe?

    Shuttle driver - Yes. Most shuttle drivers like to get tips from the people who use their service.  If you're using them exclusively for the wedding, I'd say yes.  It sounds like you might be using a shuttle that regularly runs and stops at other places and picks up people other than your guests? If that's the case, then I wouldn't worry say it's mandatory but a nice gesture, especially if you're making them much busier on their regular runs.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited June 2014
    sarapep said:
    the bar is open bar and we bring in our own booze so I am not sure why the bartenders wouldnt have a tip jar...  we wouldn't have a total to tip them off of.  Also Maybe its more common in the midwest, but I have never been to wedding where bartenders didn't get tipped.  Im a bartender so not letting the bartenders have a tip jar seems a bit ludicrous.


    If your guests were in fact "patrons" of the venue, this would be true.  But they are not, because wedding guests are not responsible for paying for their own provisions, and therein lies the confusion.  

    Because you invited them, you are the "patron" and thus it is your responsibility to tip-not theirs.  They should not be responsible for any costs of being hosted, and that includes the tips.  Lose the tip jar.  It is not "ludicrous" not to have one at a hosted event.
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  • TheMoezTheMoez member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    TK actually has some good incite on this topic

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  • scrunchythiefscrunchythief member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Please don't put out a tip jar.  At the first wedding I went to at age 14 I had an awful experience with a tip jar.  I saw other people putting money in after they got their drink, so I assumed you had to pay to get drinks (I was looking for a soda, of course).  I didn't have any cash and I was too shy to ask about it.  As a result, the only thing I drank all night was my one glass of water at dinner.  

    Even if you don't have kids coming, putting out a tip jar implies that you expect the guests to put money in it, which they shouldn't have to do.
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