On VERY formal invites/STDs...

crackktheskyy · June 2014

Did you include middle names?

climbingsingle · June 2014

Our STDs were not super formal. I did not use middle names. I just used our first names.

Our invites will have our full names.

crackktheskyy · June 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Our STDs were not super formal. I did not use middle names. I just used our first names.

Our invites will have our full names.

OH WHOOPS! I should clarify:

I meant do we address people on the envelopes using their full names?

CMGragain · June 2014

There is no such thing as a formal STD. You should use people's full name on the invitation envelope, if you know it. Do not use initials. The addresses should be handwritten.

crackktheskyy · June 2014

CMGragain said:

There is no such thing as a formal STD. You should use people's full name on the envelope, if you know it. Do not use initials. The addresses should be handwritten.

Great thanks! We are having them done in calligraphy so I'm trying to put together a list of full names now.

climbingsingle · June 2014

crackktheskyy said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Our STDs were not super formal. I did not use middle names. I just used our first names.

Our invites will have our full names.

OH WHOOPS! I should clarify:

I meant do we address people on the envelopes using their full names?

SITB. LOL! I thought you meant YOUR names.
Again, my STDs were informal. For our invites, I'm address proper Mr. and Mrs. but no middle names.

crackktheskyy · June 2014

So to be clear, on the invitation itself the outer envelope (for a married couple) will read:

Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Robert Smith

123 Seasame Street

New York, New York, 12345

and the inner envelope will read

Mr. and Mrs. Smith

?

Should the STD then just be addressed:

Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Robert Smith

123 Seasame Street

New York, New York, 12345

PrettyGirlLost · June 2014

I don't think you need that formal of an address on an STD.

crackktheskyy · June 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

I don't think you need that formal of an address on an STD.

Okay, thanks! So just drop the middle name?

Also, were the invites correct?

Jen4948 · June 2014

STDs don't require formality at all! All they require is clarity as to who is asking the recipients to save what date for what. But they don't require full legal names with titles.

crackktheskyy · June 2014

Jen4948 said:

STDs don't require formality at all! All they require is clarity as to who is asking the recipients to save what date for what. But they don't require full legal names with titles.

Thanks! I've never been married before so this is totally new territory

For the formal invitations (for a married couple as this example) will it be addressed as so?:

Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Robert Smith

123 Seasame Street

New York, New York, 12345

and the inner envelope will read

Mr. and Mrs. Smith

offensivekitten2 · June 2014

Don't use the middle names on an STD. I am also inclined towards not using them on the invite because most people aren't addressed that way unless they are in trouble with their mothers

.

misshart00 · June 2014

I'll be honest. If I got personal mail with my middle name on it, I would think it was weird.

Jen4948 · June 2014

I'd just use first and last names, or initials and last names, or even nicknames and last names if that's what the recipients go by. Certainly the level of formality that is associated with a formal wedding invitation isn't required with an STD. All that's necessary is to follow up with an invitation later to anyone you send an STD to. If the actual invitation and event are formal, then yes, you would use their formal names. So you could send an STD to "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" or "Jon and Mary Smith" but send the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Smith."

[Deleted User] · June 2014

You will never know my middle name. I will never tell you. I don't use it. If you ask me for it so you can put it on mail, I won't tell you. If you put it on mail so other people can see it, I won't like it. I will be angry at you for putting it on something that other people can see. I will shred the envelope as soon as I open my mail, and will wonder why the hell you put my middle name on my mail. If you haven't figured it out, using my middle name does NOT make me happy. I cried when my state DMV told me I had to have my middle name on my drivers license.

Jen4948 · June 2014

adk19 said:

You will never know my middle name. I will never tell you. I don't use it. If you ask me for it so you can put it on mail, I won't tell you. If you put it on mail so other people can see it, I won't like it. I will be angry at you for putting it on something that other people can see. I will shred the envelope as soon as I open my mail, and will wonder why the hell you put my middle name on my mail. If you haven't figured it out, using my middle name does NOT make me happy. I cried when my state DMV told me I had to have my middle name on my drivers license.

If your middle name is that bad, would you consider legally dropping or changing it?

Edited to add: I don't like my middle name either, but I do use my middle initial. It's not so bad that I'd change or drop it, but you expressed such vehemence about it in your post that I'm wondering why you'd keep it.

crackktheskyy · June 2014

OH! I never realized this is such a divisive issue.

Okay, so I'm dropping middle names on the STDs.

Any consensus on what I should do about middle names on the invitations?

JCbride2015 · June 2014

crackktheskyy said:

OH! I never realized this is such a divisive issue.

Okay, so I'm dropping middle names on the STDs.

Any consensus on what I should do about middle names on the invitations?

Hmmmm, I'd still say no middle names on invitations. I've been invited to some extremely formal weddings, including a $250k affair with 400 guests, and never seen a middle name on an invitation. That's just my experience though, if somebody wants to break out Crane's I won't argue.

crackktheskyy · June 2014

JCbride2015 said: crackktheskyy said: OH! I never realized this is such a divisive issue.
Okay, so I'm dropping middle names on the STDs.

Any consensus on what I should do about middle names on the invitations? Hmmmm, I'd still say no middle names on invitations. I've been invited to some extremely formal weddings, including a $250k affair with 400 guests, and never seen a middle name on an invitation. That's just my experience though, if somebody wants to break out Crane's I won't argue. This is helpful! I was more or less just trying to figure out whether it would look less formal to not have middle names, but if no one really notices/cares if they aren't on there, I might ditch 'em all together! Thank you

CMGragain · June 2014

They are optional, unless someone actually uses their middle name as their social name. My DH would be addressed as Mr. John David Smith, or Mr. David Smith, but not Mr. J. David Smith, which is how he usually signs his name.

Bill Cosby says people have middle names so that they know when they are REALLY in trouble! :-)

crackktheskyy · June 2014

CMGragain said:

They are optional, unless someone actually uses their middle name as their social name. My DH would be addressed as Mr. John David Smith, or Mr. David Smith, but not Mr. J. David Smith, which is how he usually signs his name.

Bill Cosby says people have middle names so that they know when they are REALLY in trouble! :-)

Haha, oh I can SO relate to that! My mom is pretty famous with all of my friends for the first and middle name shout when we were in trouble!

Jen4948 · June 2014

CMGragain said:

Bill Cosby says people have middle names so that they know when they are REALLY in trouble! :-)

Also Bill Cosby:

Dad always spoke to my brother starting with "Lookdammit" and me "Jesus Christ." One day he said to me, "Lookdammit" so I responded, "Dad-I'm Jesus Christ."

tammym1001 · June 2014

DH uses his middle initial on everything to distinguish himself from all the other members of his family with the same first name so it wouldn't be weird if we got mail addressed to: Mr. and Mrs. John Bob Smith. My family also uses my first and middle name when they speak to me or address anything to me. I think trying to track down people's middle names for invitations is going to be more work than it would be worth though and it's really unnecessary.

pinkshorts27 · June 2014

tammym1001 said:

DH uses his middle initial on everything to distinguish himself from all the other members of his family with the same first name so it wouldn't be weird if we got mail addressed to: Mr. and Mrs. John Bob Smith. My family also uses my first and middle name when they speak to me or address anything to me. I think trying to track down people's middle names for invitations is going to be more work than it would be worth though and it's really unnecessary.

My brother too. We have 5 John Smiths (not real name) in our family two go by first middle initial and three go by middle names.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

Jen4948 said:

adk19 said:

You will never know my middle name. I will never tell you. I don't use it. If you ask me for it so you can put it on mail, I won't tell you. If you put it on mail so other people can see it, I won't like it. I will be angry at you for putting it on something that other people can see. I will shred the envelope as soon as I open my mail, and will wonder why the hell you put my middle name on my mail. If you haven't figured it out, using my middle name does NOT make me happy. I cried when my state DMV told me I had to have my middle name on my drivers license.

If your middle name is that bad, would you consider legally dropping or changing it?

Edited to add: I don't like my middle name either, but I do use my middle initial. It's not so bad that I'd change or drop it, but you expressed such vehemence about it in your post that I'm wondering why you'd keep it.

Yes, I have definitely considered legally dropping or changing it, but it seems like a lot of work for a middle name. I just don't use it. I'll occasionally use the middle initial which in inoffensive, and I've considered changing my middle name to just the initial D. But again, it seems like a bunch of work for something that often isn't an issue.

mysticl · June 2014

My family and some friends call me by my first and middle name together. My nieces actually got offended when they saw something that had only my first name on it. Professionally, I use just my first name and some friends use just the first name. So if I got mail with my middle name on it, it wouldn't be odd. Now I have an aunt who uses her middle name only. She will use her first initial if she absolutely has to. She even managed to get her driver's license to have her first initial and middle name on it. So you had better not send her anything with her first name, no matter how formal it is.

Inkdancer · June 2014

I go by my middle name socially. If anyone used my full name (first and middle) on an invitation, I would assume the letter was from the government, not from one of my friends.

On VERY formal invites/STDs...

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