Vow renewal ceremony

tmoh · June 2014

Were meeting with a pastor to renew our vows. I found some nice things from a vow renewal website as far as scripts go. Makes it very apparent it is a vow renewal and even had an option of blessing every marriage at once (more like a prayer).
The pastor mentioned he does a bunch of other add ones like sand ceremonies (I don't find fitting), wine and letter, red/white/yellow rose ceremony, rope tying, etc.. And I wasn't sure what any of those are. Are any of those vow renewal appropriate? We are already married, so I don't want anything redundant.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

tmoh said:

Were meeting with a pastor to renew our vows. I found some nice things from a vow renewal website as far as scripts go. Makes it very apparent it is a vow renewal and even had an option of blessing every marriage at once (more like a prayer). The pastor mentioned he does a bunch of other add ones like sand ceremonies (I don't find fitting), wine and letter, red/white/yellow rose ceremony, rope tying, etc.. And I wasn't sure what any of those are. Are any of those vow renewal appropriate? We are already married, so I don't want anything redundant.

What does this mean? Like, the priest is blessing the marriages of the guests, too?

ETA: and if those other ceremonies don't ring a bell with you and you don't know what they are, just don't do them. If you're going to do a ceremony, it should be meaningful to you.

monkeysip · June 2014

I think any unity ceremonies are inappropriate. You're already united.

I would keep it simple with the vows, a prayer or two that you like, and maybe a single reading if there's a special reading you want.

The general rule with any wedding or vow renewal ceremony is that if it doesn't have any special meaning to you, don't do it! Don't feel like you have to add stuff just to make it more of a ceremony. The vows and blessing/prayer will be special in themselves.

AddieCake · June 2014

I would skip those since you aren't really interested in them.

tmoh · June 2014

JCbride2015 said:

tmoh said:

Were meeting with a pastor to renew our vows. I found some nice things from a vow renewal website as far as scripts go. Makes it very apparent it is a vow renewal and even had an option of blessing every marriage at once (more like a prayer).
The pastor mentioned he does a bunch of other add ones like sand ceremonies (I don't find fitting), wine and letter, red/white/yellow rose ceremony, rope tying, etc.. And I wasn't sure what any of those are. Are any of those vow renewal appropriate? We are already married, so I don't want anything redundant.

What does this mean? Like, the priest is blessing the marriages of the guests, too?

ETA: and if those other ceremonies don't ring a bell with you and you don't know what they are, just don't do them. If you're going to do a ceremony, it should be meaningful to you.

Well during the ceremony he asks the married couples to stand during prayer to bless their marriages so to speak.

tmoh · June 2014

monkeysip said:
I think any unity ceremonies are inappropriate. You're already united.

I would keep it simple with the vows, a prayer or two that you like, and maybe a single reading if there's a special reading you want.

The general rule with any wedding or vow renewal ceremony is that if it doesn't have any special meaning to you, don't do it! Don't feel like you have to add stuff just to make it more of a ceremony. The vows and blessing/prayer will be special in themselves.

Great, thank you. Yes, that's what I meant.. The unity ones seem inappropriate to me.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

tmoh said:

tmoh said:

Were meeting with a pastor to renew our vows. I found some nice things from a vow renewal website as far as scripts go. Makes it very apparent it is a vow renewal and even had an option of blessing every marriage at once (more like a prayer). The pastor mentioned he does a bunch of other add ones like sand ceremonies (I don't find fitting), wine and letter, red/white/yellow rose ceremony, rope tying, etc.. And I wasn't sure what any of those are. Are any of those vow renewal appropriate? We are already married, so I don't want anything redundant.

What does this mean? Like, the priest is blessing the marriages of the guests, too?

ETA: and if those other ceremonies don't ring a bell with you and you don't know what they are, just don't do them. If you're going to do a ceremony, it should be meaningful to you.
Well during the ceremony he asks the married couples to stand during prayer to bless their marriages so to speak.

Honestly I would be very put off by this. We aren't religious, and even if we were, who knows whether we agree with your officiant or want to be blessed. But if he asked all the married couples to stand (and presumably this was after our wedding), of course we'd feel pressured to stand. And going off of that, what about life partners or engaged couples? Why do only married couples get the blessing, even presumed they want it?

As it's a vow renewal and it may be a tiny crowd. Say, the only other couples in attendance are all immediate family, and you really want to do this marriage blessing thing. I would approach each couple individually and float the idea with them. Ask if they want to participate, and graciously accept whatever answer they give you. Even this would be hard to do without pressuring them, though, so make sure you think it's something they'd like, and approach it gently.

To be blunt. I've never heard of this before and I just think it would be weird. I'd leave it out. Do the simple recitation of vows to each other, a prayer or two, and a reading. Don't feel like you need to add a bunch of stuff just to have a longer/beefier ceremony. Simple is good.

pinkshorts27 · June 2014

tmoh said:

tmoh said:

Were meeting with a pastor to renew our vows. I found some nice things from a vow renewal website as far as scripts go. Makes it very apparent it is a vow renewal and even had an option of blessing every marriage at once (more like a prayer). The pastor mentioned he does a bunch of other add ones like sand ceremonies (I don't find fitting), wine and letter, red/white/yellow rose ceremony, rope tying, etc.. And I wasn't sure what any of those are. Are any of those vow renewal appropriate? We are already married, so I don't want anything redundant.

What does this mean? Like, the priest is blessing the marriages of the guests, too?

ETA: and if those other ceremonies don't ring a bell with you and you don't know what they are, just don't do them. If you're going to do a ceremony, it should be meaningful to you.
Well during the ceremony he asks the married couples to stand during prayer to bless their marriages so to speak.

and what if your guests feel uncomfortable getting their marriages blessed? I think that would be a little odd to spring it on guests that they are going to be a part of the ceremony. Just a thought though.

QueerFemme · June 2014

I agree about skipping the blessing of other people's marriages. That is creepy and inappropriate.

monkeysip · June 2014

I wouldn't mind if it was just a simple prayer for God to bless all marriages (like during Catholic ceremonies when someone reads the petitions, usually there's one for all marriages), but I think it's weird to ask all the couples to stand and be blessed by the minister.

QueerFemme · June 2014

monkeysip said:
I wouldn't mind if it was just a simple prayer for God to bless all marriages (like during Catholic ceremonies when someone reads the petitions, usually there's one for all marriages), but I think it's weird to ask all the couples to stand and be blessed by the minister.

I'm an atheist. I support my friend's right to be religious and I would always attend religious weddings if invited, but I expect that my friends will keep their faith to their own marriages and leave mine alone.

Unless you have taken a poll, and you know that every single person there, friends, family and their dates, all share the same faith, I think blessing other people's relationships is inappropriate.

monkeysip · June 2014

Not sure if you were agreeing or disagreeing with my post, but just to clarify, would you offended by a prayer that's part of the ceremony that just says something like "And that God would bless all married people" or something like that?

lilacck28 · June 2014

monkeysip said:

Not sure if you were agreeing or disagreeing with my post, but just to clarify, would you offended by a prayer that's part of the ceremony that just says something like "And that God would bless all married people" or something like that?

I'm not an atheist, I'm agnostic. The bolded prayer would not offend me. However, I would also not be moved by it or appreciate it.

QueerFemme · June 2014

monkeysip said:
Not sure if you were agreeing or disagreeing with my post, but just to clarify, would you offended by a prayer that's part of the ceremony that just says something like "And that God would bless all married people" or something like that?

Personally, I don't like that. I don't like when people "God" anything me. I think it's Christian arrogance to assume that everyone wants to be, or won't be offended by, being blessed by their God.

monkeysip · June 2014

I was just asking since it's standard during any Catholic ceremony to have petitions of prayer. For the poor, for those with illnesses, for those who are married, etc.. It never occurred to me that an atheist in attendance of a Catholic wedding would be upset by that.

I certainly am not offended by Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, etc. prayers.

QueerFemme · June 2014

monkeysip said:
I was just asking since it's standard during any Catholic ceremony to have petitions of prayer. For the poor, for those with illnesses, for those who are married, etc.. It never occurred to me that an atheist in attendance of a Catholic wedding would be upset by that.

I certainly am not offended by Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, etc. prayers.

I'm not going to storm out or anything. I just think it's best not to make those sorts of blanket prayers in mixed company. If I'm at a church for a worship service (I wouldn't be, but hypothetically) I expect to be prayed for, etc. But for a wedding, I think the pastor should focus in the couple, and not the audience, since they have no idea if the group is religious.

STARMOON44 · June 2014

QueerFemme said:

monkeysip said:
I was just asking since it's standard during any Catholic ceremony to have petitions of prayer. For the poor, for those with illnesses, for those who are married, etc.. It never occurred to me that an atheist in attendance of a Catholic wedding would be upset by that.

I certainly am not offended by Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, etc. prayers.
I'm not going to storm out or anything. I just think it's best not to make those sorts of blanket prayers in mixed company. If I'm at a church for a worship service (I wouldn't be, but hypothetically) I expect to be prayed for, etc. But for a wedding, I think the pastor should focus in the couple, and not the audience, since they have no idea if the group is religious.

I think that's the missing link though- in many faiths a wedding is a worship service. The couple says vows, yes, but it is also a worship service for everyone in attendance. I agree with you that avoiding singling out married couples by asking them to stand for a blessing is the best option, but to the extent a worship service includes prayers for the congregation in attendance, I think that's a reasonable part of the service.

crunchymamaof2 · June 2014

STARMOON44 said:

I was just asking since it's standard during any Catholic ceremony to have petitions of prayer. For the poor, for those with illnesses, for those who are married, etc.. It never occurred to me that an atheist in attendance of a Catholic wedding would be upset by that.

I certainly am not offended by Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, etc. prayers.
I'm not going to storm out or anything. I just think it's best not to make those sorts of blanket prayers in mixed company. If I'm at a church for a worship service (I wouldn't be, but hypothetically) I expect to be prayed for, etc. But for a wedding, I think the pastor should focus in the couple, and not the audience, since they have no idea if the group is religious.
I think that's the missing link though- in many faiths a wedding is a worship service. The couple says vows, yes, but it is also a worship service for everyone in attendance. I agree with you that avoiding singling out married couples by asking them to stand for a blessing is the best option, but to the extent a worship service includes prayers for the congregation in attendance, I think that's a reasonable part of the service.

I agree with this. I think general prayers for those in attendance comes with the territory when you enter a place of worship. As long as it stays simple like "and we prayer all marriages be blessed." Anything beyond that or anything against others' lifestyle choices is where I'd draw the line.

ashley8918 · June 2014

QueerFemme said:

I was just asking since it's standard during any Catholic ceremony to have petitions of prayer. For the poor, for those with illnesses, for those who are married, etc.. It never occurred to me that an atheist in attendance of a Catholic wedding would be upset by that.

I certainly am not offended by Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, etc. prayers.
I'm not going to storm out or anything. I just think it's best not to make those sorts of blanket prayers in mixed company. If I'm at a church for a worship service (I wouldn't be, but hypothetically) I expect to be prayed for, etc. But for a wedding, I think the pastor should focus in the couple, and not the audience, since they have no idea if the group is religious.

I agree. I would be annoyed and slightly offended by this as well.

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