For those who drink alcoholic beverages...

Pepperally · June 2014

Do you and your partner share the same drinking habits? Are you cool with how much the other drinks? We recently found out that my FI's one friend's girlfriend is such a major alcoholic that she has liver damage that may kill her. We always said to ourselves that she was an alcoholic, but we had no idea the extent...she's been hospitalized three times this year.

Since I met FI, he eventually would show that he was annoyed when I was even buzzed. I concluded that this mostly occurs when I'm drinking and he's not...and more often than not these days he doesn't feel like drinking. So if I drink he will often "caution" me about drinking, etc. and it annoys me. As long as I'm not driving, I don't see why he should care if I drink a few even if he doesn't. Yes, I tend to get hangovers, but damnit, that's my right! But, he's annoyed nonetheless. We mostly only have drinks when we're out to dinner so we are mutually buzzing, but on those times when I drink and he doesn't it's just a bummer for me...not even worth it.

ETA: self-disclosure: FI is out at a car show and dinner with his bro - so I am on my third Sam Adams Summer Ale.

bethsmiles · June 2014

I'm not a big drinker. I don't like beer and wine makes me sick. So I drink when we go camping and very rarely other than that. But BF enjoys beer and drinks fairly regularly. I don't have a problem with it at all, I know he's a responsible drinker and never over does it. While he gets buzzed sometimes he's only been drunk once. It doesn't bother me at all if he drinks and I don't.

Unless he was being irresponsible I wouldn't caution him or nag him about it. He's an adult and I'm not his mom.

LabLove86 · June 2014

Neither of us are huge drinkers, neither of us come from big drinking families. If we have beer in the fridge - it might take us over a week to get rid of a 12 pk. for example. Anyway - most of the time when we go out to dinner neither of us drink. If one of us orders a drink the other one usually will too . . . . but we've also had just one order a drink and the other not. Its not an issue for us - because neither of us will generally have more than 3 drinks at a time. Just because thats all either of us would want. But no - I don't' care if he drinks and I don't', and he doesn't care if I drink and he doesn't.

FoxandBunny · June 2014

BF and I have never drank. Part of this is due to him just having turned 21 and me not yet turning 21 (I turn 21 on Monday!) and us never really seeing a need to drink underage.

Since BF turned 21 about a month ago, he still hasn't gotten drunk. Tipsy, yes. But never drunk. He seems to have a high tolerance for alcohol (he can drink several large margaritas and still be just tipsy). I have no problem with him drinking as long as he doesn't drive. I also don't mind him having a drink when I don't have one. I haven't liked any alcohol that I've tried and he enjoys it so I'm not going to be a party pooper and be grumpy about him having some and me not when I don't even like the stuff. Plus, I find it amusing to sit and watch him be tipsy because he is all happy and bubbly and it's hilarious.

I don't see why your FI should care if you drink or not. I understand being concerned if you were drinking in excess or at dangerous levels, but a drink or two won't kill you. Heck, doctors say a glass of wine a day is good for you!

blabla89 · June 2014

FI and I both used to be heavy drinkers in college before we met, but now we both rarely have more than one or two drinks at a time. The exception to this is when we're at FMIL's house because she just keeps pouring the wine and I just keep drinking it.

I've never objected to him drinking because I know he's responsible, although it annoys me to watch him drinking a delicious beer when I'm on a diet and can't have booze. The only time he's complained about my drinking is when I'm taking medication that can interact with alcohol. I sometimes take klonopin for anxiety symptoms, and it causes me to feel like I've had twice as many drinks as I actually have...and behave like it too.

ETA missing words - i'm not awake yet

megso16 · June 2014

Both BF and I drink, usually together. I don't mind when he's drinking without me and he doesn't mind when I'm drinking without him. There are times one of us has drank too much and the other ends up taking care of them, it's never bothered either of us. There are times he comes home from band practice and I've had 2 too many and there are times I come home from work (I work late into the night) and he's gone through more than a few. It's life, it's just fermented grapes/hops/whatever.

emmyg65 · June 2014

DH and I both drink what some people would consider a lot, beer, wine and cocktails. Before I was pregnant, we'd enjoy a cocktail or glass of wine together pretty much every day after work. That's how I grew up and it's not a big deal to me. The only issue I've had is that my family has a really strict 5 o'clock rule, and DH has no qualms popping open a PBR while doing yard work at 1 pm. So it took me a while to adjust to that. Now that I'm pregnant, I don't drink at all and he drinks very rarely, to support me.

Since alcohol is a big part of my personal and family life, I could never date someone who had a problem with it. We just wouldn't be compatible, and man, would he ever feel uncomfortable at family gatherings!

I don't generally have a problem with drinking unless a person feels they need alcohol, if it seems they're using it to self-medicate, if they frequently drink to the point of getting sloppy drunk, or if they drive after drinking. And I think American society has a weirdly puritanical approach to alcohol. Which I guess makes sense, what with the Puritans and all. It just gets on my nerves sometimes.

blabla89 · June 2014

@emmyg65 congratulations! And that's so sweet of your DH!

Blue & White · June 2014

I just want to point out that you don't have to be a major alcoholic to have liver damage caused by drinking.

We don't drink much but my family drinks a lot. I think it becomes a problem if you need it or start hiding it. And it's always within your best interest to understand if your drinking is adversely affecting your health.

BreMR · June 2014

I had major issues with underage drinking before I met my FI, and he really never drinks. He comes from two parents that drink a lot, so I think it made him never want to drink... He will occasionally have beers, but by occasionally I mean, maybe once every three months. I, however, enjoy a glass of wine quite frequently, and I typically drink wine until I get the warm fuzzy feeling. In social situations I definitely drink until I'm buzzed, but never get out of hand.

My FI doesn't drink, so I always have a designated driver and he rarely gets annoyed by my drinking because I never get out of hand.

Pepperally · June 2014

Blue & White said:

I just want to point out that you don't have to be a major alcoholic to have liver damage caused by drinking. We don't drink much but my family drinks a lot. I think it becomes a problem if you need it or start hiding it. And it's always within your best interest to understand if your drinking is adversely affecting your health.

You're definitely right on that, but in this girl's case, she was told if she goes home and drinks again she only has 6 months to live. While we always thought she drank too often and excessively, within the past year she has been drinking 24/7 - we just learned that from his friend, the boyfriend. We had distanced ourselves from them because of it...it was always just a drunk fest when we hung out plus he'd been sort of hiding/minimizing it for her. Not to mention she was doing other substances, too, although not sure how often.

Blue & White · June 2014

@pepperally understandable. One of my family friends was a frat president in college and drank a ton and had liver damage but it was mainly from binge drinking. He has since cut back a ton and really takes amazing care of himself. AND he's getting married next year lol - he just got engaged so I'm psyched for them

eilis1228 · June 2014

We only drink socially. I'm a lightweight, so I only need 2 drinks to really feel it. BF can drink muuuuuch more and still feel sober. Alcoholism runs in his family, so he purposely has never gotten very drunk. We have no issues going out and drinking together and never judge the other for drinking too much or not drinking at all.

Pepperally · June 2014

Luckily I guess these days it's not that big of an issue...at first it was a source of disagreement, but since we both don't have a desire to drink too often and are not really in the drinking mode like we were when we first got together, it's not as problematic. I think the problem is he's seen me have really bad hangovers...mainly b/c I'm a lightweight and also if I drank cheap alcohol it just gave me hella hangovers and I get he was trying to protect me from that kind of situation. I get that. And he rarely has had a hangover no matter how much he drank, so he couldn't relate. But I think he would be a little overzealous about it after I'd only have a couple drinks and that's why it would bother me.

@Blue & White - that is great that your friend was able to turn his drinking around. People way underestimate the damage that binge drinking can do on a person...physically and other ways. It can be just as dangerous in so many ways.

@weewittlewizabeth - that is great insight your partner shows given that he has a family history. I used to do drug & alcohol assessments as my job, and the genetic component is so strong and scary with addiction...that, in addition to just learned behavior within the family setting.

Peaseblossom55 · June 2014

FI rarely drinks but he has no problem with me drinking. I'd say I have a few glasses of wine a week FI doesn't mind. My family rarely drink, and FI's family likes to drink a lot. I very rarely ever have more than one drink or get drunk so FI doesn't judge my drinking and I certainly don't mind at all when he drinks...

Dignity100 · June 2014

I've never been a big drinker. My alcohol consumption probably equals about 1-2 drinks a month. FI's is a little higher (mostly because of football/tailgating).

When I first met FI, he was going to the bar every other night for a few beers with the boys. He had to get a health test for work and the doctor told him that if he cut out drinking and taco bell his blood work would be in better shape - so that's what he did (basically his BP/cholesterol levels were starting to get to a borderline area, so nothing major - the doctor just didn't want to put a young indivdual on meds if it could be prevented).

Swazzle · June 2014

I'm by far the bigger drinking between H and myself. I drink a few nights a week on average. I might have a couple of beers or glasses of wine during the week while relaxing in the backyard or watching TV. H only drinks when we go out. He'll have 1-2 cocktails with dinner or more than that if we're out drinking at a bar. He also can't drink beer (he gets extremely sick from it) and doesn't like wine. As long as I'm not a pain in the ass, H has no problem with the fact that I drink more (and more often) than he does. If he were against me drinking at all, then we would have issues.

ShallowSeas · June 2014

FI and I are both beer lovers. We love trying new beers and we love our local breweries. We both know our limits though and are pretty good staying within those limits, however, if neither one of us have to drive home from a night of drinking or are drinking at home, we can pretty much match each other. There's never been an issue where we were concerned about the others' drinking. If FI thought I was drinking too much and needed to slow down then he would let me know and keep an eye one me, and that is completely fine with me. I would do the same for him. We don't fight when we're drunk. FI and I both get very touchy-feely when we're drunk and neither of us mind that

[Deleted User] · June 2014

H and I used to drink a lot more when we first started dating and when we were in college. Before I moved in with H I would have wine after work just to relax and let off some steam. Unfortunately, I've started to develop an allergy towards wine and I can't drink it much anymore. I get really stuffed up and swollen and my throat will hurt in the morning. So H and I don't drink anymore unless it's at a celebration or a special occasion of some sort.

thetimewillcome · June 2014

@FoxandBunny Happy Birthday!

Neither BF and I drink a lot, but there are many times where I'll have a glass of wine or two and BF won't have anything. Neither of us care what the other drinks, as long as we both aren't drinking if one of us needs to drive home.

beanbot2002 · June 2014

Before I got pregnant this time, I was a moderate drinker I guess you could say. I would drink a few beers or a bottle of wine (yes a whole bottle) 2-3 times a week. On other days I might have A beer or A glass of wine, or none at all. El senor drinks several beers almost every night. Maybe 4-5 beers at most. But it's spaced out over a very long period of time, say from the time I get home at 5pm until 2am. If I notice that he's blown through a 12 pack particulary quickly, I will say something along the lines of "Whoa dude. You killed that one pretty quick, eh?" It's our nice way of saying "Slow down there" to each other. He says the same thing to me, if I kill a bottle of wine too many times in a weeks time.

Of course, now, I've had umm...3-4 beers in about a years time lol. Soon, my lovely wine. Soon.

emmaaa · June 2014

FI and I both enjoy drinking. We usually have a beer or some wine every night after work. We drink socially with friends and we always switch off on who is the DD.

With that being said, in high school before FI and I started dating, I didn't drink. I had gotten drunk once and was [punished severely by my parents and didn't want to again. FI and I started dating when we were 17 and he drank with friends on weekends. I also would have a few drinks but really waited until after high school. FI also did drugs before we started dating. He has told me the ones he tried and that marijuana was the only thing he did more regularly. When we started dating, he quit. I never asked him to but he knew that I would not be comfortable with that in the long run.

My dad is a recovering alcoholic. Him and my mom were social drinkers and would have a drink a couple nights a week (similar to FI and myself). however, after 28 years of marriage, my mom divorced my dad. That's when he developed his problem. He began getting drunk on regular occasions and even got a DUI in 2009. He was hospitalized March 2013. They told him his liver was severely damaged and if he didn't quit drinking and develop better eating habits then he would die. My dad had replaced food with beer and had not nutrients in his system. He left the hospital 5 days later and hasn't had a drink since.

Since my brothers and I are aware that part of alcoholism can be hereditary, we are very aware of our drinking habits. FI also pays attention to his own drinking habits as to not make me think he "is turning in to my dad." When we turned 21 he had started drinking a little excessive and I brought it up to him. He also has history of alcoholism in his family.

Our thing is: we like to drink. We like the way beer tastes and trying local brews and doing brewery tours. I love wine. All wine. We love local wineries and tours. We drink socially. I think it is important to notice the "we" because if one of us was more of a drinker and the other wasn't comfortable with that, then I think it would cause issues.

phira · June 2014

I've never been a big drinker, and now that I'm on meds that keep me from drinking very much, I can only have 1 drink per night safely (on rare occasions, I'll have 2). I used to be able to have 2-3 drinks before getting buzzed, but after taking a couple of months off of drinking because of surgery, I never got my tolerance back (and clearly can't build it now--thanks, meds!).

I'd say I have about 5 alcoholic beverages a month.

J drinks a lot. It bothers me. He can go through a 12 pack of beer in 2-3 nights, by himself. When he has liquor, he usually keeps it next to him by the couch and has a few refills every night till it's gone. I've asked him to start measuring with a jigger so that he knows how much he's been drinking. When he's drinking socially, he often has 4-5 drinks. He never knows when he's drunk, which is really irritating.

I've been trying to get him to drink less because he already has some really wacky health issues, and alcohol addiction and abuse runs in his family (several family members, including his parents, abstain from alcohol entirely or nearly entirely now).

Sakalicious · June 2014

Swazzle said:

I'm by far the bigger drinking between H and myself. I drink a few nights a week on average. I might have a couple of beers or glasses of wine during the week while relaxing in the backyard or watching TV. H only drinks when we go out. He'll have 1-2 cocktails with dinner or more than that if we're out drinking at a bar. He also can't drink beer (he gets extremely sick from it) and doesn't like wine. As long as I'm not a pain in the ass, H has no problem with the fact that I drink more (and more often) than he does. If he were against me drinking at all, then we would have issues.

I miss drinking with you. That is all.

carliealissa · June 2014

beanbot2002 said:

Before I got pregnant this time, I was a moderate drinker I guess you could say. I would drink a few beers or a bottle of wine (yes a whole bottle) 2-3 times a week. On other days I might have A beer or A glass of wine, or none at all. El senor drinks several beers almost every night. Maybe 4-5 beers at most. But it's spaced out over a very long period of time, say from the time I get home at 5pm until 2am. If I notice that he's blown through a 12 pack particulary quickly, I will say something along the lines of "Whoa dude. You killed that one pretty quick, eh?" It's our nice way of saying "Slow down there" to each other. He says the same thing to me, if I kill a bottle of wine too many times in a weeks time.
Of course, now, I've had umm...3-4 beers in about a years time lol. Soon, my lovely wine. Soon.

I feel like I would call this pretty heavy drinking. Not to call you out; I think mine and FI's habits are similar. It's interesting though, whether someone says they are a light or moderate or heavy drinker, I think that means different things to different people! On the one hand I feel like we are just occasional, social drinkers, but I also feel like if I thought about it and reported my drinking honestly to a doctor, they'd probably be like woah!

To answer the OPs question, we tend to drink similar amounts and on similar occasions, and don't really have a problem with the other one. Sometimes I suspect FI is trying to ply me with alcohol because he thinks it will increase his chances for sexytime

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