Do I pay for her? Help!

Re: Do I pay for her? Help!

• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2014

  Ask her what she wants to do.  If she only wants either hair or makeup done by the people you have hired, then I'd pay for that only.  If she wants to have both done by her own people, or not at all, then I'd let that go.  But you can tell her that she is welcome to join you at the salon.  

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• abbyj700 member

  

  June 2014

  Agree with @Jen4948 - let her know you truly don't care but you don't want her to be left out. If she doesn't want her stuff done - still invite her to come along. My sister has short hair and doesn't wear make-up. I'm still going to invite her to come hang out and drink mimosas with us all but in no way is she obligated to get any services done or even come if she feels too busy.

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• phira member

  

  June 2014

  Hm. I think that if I declined hair and make-up and then heard, "It's TOTALLY fine but just so you know, everyone else will be there and we just don't want you to feel left out," I'd probably feel pressured to join in. Then again, I might also be put off otherwise; it might feel like I *was* left out. So there's no harm in just letting her know, but emphasizing that it's really, really not required.

  
  

  If you feel like paying for her so that she's not left out (if that's the reason why she declined), keep it between yourselves.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• SewInLoveWithDMB member

  

  June 2014

  I have been in bridal parties where I have been the only one not getting hair and makeup done by the same person as the others (or, at least, basically everyone else gets it together except for me and maybe 1 other person. I don't full remember.) Anyway, I didn't feel left out at all for not going along with them. I was totally happy to be on my own time schedule with my own things to do that day (and obviously made sure I made it to where I needed to be, on time, with everything.) 

  
  

  She might not have said no due to price - she may have her own stylist (I've gone to my own stylist at times) or feels comfortable doing it on her own (and although "has" the money, doesn't "need" to spend it on a stylist.)

  
  

  Personally, I'd ignore it and let her do her own thing. I think it's more uncomfortable to have to sit there and watch others having their hair and makeup done. And even if she is comfortable doing it herself, she might not want to do so in front of everyone else.

  
  

  I don't think you need to extend that to her. She made a decision, and it should be fine.

  
  
  293 (Adults) Invited
  198 Yes (+ 12 children and 3 babies)
  95 No
  0 Unknown
  

  
  

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• crackktheskyy member

  

  June 2014

  @Jen4948

  @abbyj700

  @phira

  @SewinloveWithDMB

  
  

  Thanks all! The decision was based on price, for sure. 

  
  

  I have already invited her along with us that day to drink mimosas and have some breakfast while we are having our hair and makeup done.

  
  

  I'll have to think more on what to do! I don't want her to feel left out and I don't want her to feel like it's obligatory! I hope she wouldn't think so, anyway. She knows me and knows that she can have her hair and makeup done in any way that she wants as long as she is comfortable!

  

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• melbenso member

  

  June 2014

  One of my bridesmaids declines optional hair and makeup because of financial reasons. Everyone else is going. My mom didn't want her to feel left out and offered to pay for her hair. We just didn't mention it to the rest of the wedding party.
  
  In the end, I think this is a know your friend thing. If you truly believe she will feel left out and want to offer to pay, go for it (but don't mention to others as PP said). If you think it doesn't bother her and she's cool just hanging out or really doesn't want to get her hair and makeup done, just leave it be.

  

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• tigersgirlgv member

  

  June 2014

  I was in a wedding recently and was the only one who declined to get her hair done by the bride's stylist. I did my hair before I left and still hung out and had mimosas with them, while they got their hair done. I chose not to participate due to cost. I don't think I would have been offended if the bride offered to pay for mine, but it definitely was not necessary.

  
  

  The only awkward part was when the stylist asked if I was getting my hair done. The convo went like this:

  
  

  Stylist: Are we doing your hair?

  Me: Nope, I'm doing it myself.

  Stylist: Oh, is it setting in those braids?
  Me: No, this is it...

  
  

  Way to make me feel like my hair doesn't look done! Oh, well. It looked cute and stayed in through lots of dancing!

  
  

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• twitterbird member

  

  June 2014

  I had pretty short hair when I stood in a friend's wedding 3 years ago. I declined getting my hair done for that reason. And I don't like anyone doing my makeup other than me because my skin is super sensitive, dry and I have rosacea (although only the bride had her makeup done). I still went to the salon with the girls and brought the Baileys for our coffee. I didn't feel left out

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• blabla89 member

  

  June 2014

  If you're all going to the salon together, I would invite the other BM to hang out there with you even if she prefers to do her own. Completely excluding her from that time might hurt feelings. Paying for one person's hair and not the rest might also hurt feelings, so I wouldn't recommend that.
  
  I was recently in a position where I was the only BM who turned down professional hair and makeup because I didn't want to spend the money. Even though the bride seemed to be pressuring us, it was fine, it was my choice and I wouldn't have felt left out. As it turned out, when I pushed back and insisted on doing my own hair and makeup, the other BMs followed suit. But it wouldn't have bothered me to be the only one.
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

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• melbelleup member

  

  June 2014

  I also have one out of my group not getting hair done, she's doing it herself. She does an amazing job on her hair and make up and it saves her a ton.  Everyone in my party minus me and my FMIL are doing their own make up. I'm just going to give my one bridesmaid the option of either coming to my house at 11 (when I'll be done with my make up) or meeting us at the church for noon. Whatever works! She might miss out on some photos if she's not there at 11, but that's okay. She also lives an hour away from where I'm getting married and her bf is coming with her.
  

  

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