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Reception at different venue than wedding; no wedding coordinator

futuremrsog15futuremrsog15 member
5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi Ladies & Gents,

Not sure if this is the right place to post, but I have been a long time lurker and need some help! My wedding and reception are at different venues and I don't want to pay $1,500 for a day of coordinator! What have you all done in situations like this? I have a friend (invited to wedding) whom I thought about paying just to go to the reception site before the wedding to be sure everything is in place. Is this okay? Or do I schedule a time for myself to check it all out? Wedding is in January so the day timeline is not set in stone yet.

I posted in etiquette because this deals with possibly asking a friend to help and from what I have read, you all have some great advice on this thread. Thanks for any input!
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Re: Reception at different venue than wedding; no wedding coordinator

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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    futuremrsog15 said:
    Hi Ladies & Gents,

    Not sure if this is the right place to post, but I have been a long time lurker and need some help! My wedding and reception are at different venues and I don't want to pay $1,500 for a day of coordinator! What have you all done in situations like this? I have a friend (invited to wedding) whom I thought about paying just to go to the reception site before the wedding to be sure everything is in place. Is this okay? Or do I schedule a time for myself to check it all out? Wedding is in January so the day timeline is not set in stone yet.

    I posted in etiquette because this deals with possibly asking a friend to help and from what I have read, you all have some great advice on this thread. Thanks for any input!

    Is your venue all inclusive with a banquet manager on site or is it a la carte where you independently bring in a caterer, a bartender, tables & chairs, etc.? If the former, the manager should be responsible. If the latter, you will need to hire someone. I would think you could get a DOC for closer to $500, if you need one.
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    futuremrsog15futuremrsog15 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    NYCMercedes said:
    futuremrsog15 said:
    Hi Ladies & Gents,

    Not sure if this is the right place to post, but I have been a long time lurker and need some help! My wedding and reception are at different venues and I don't want to pay $1,500 for a day of coordinator! What have you all done in situations like this? I have a friend (invited to wedding) whom I thought about paying just to go to the reception site before the wedding to be sure everything is in place. Is this okay? Or do I schedule a time for myself to check it all out? Wedding is in January so the day timeline is not set in stone yet.

    I posted in etiquette because this deals with possibly asking a friend to help and from what I have read, you all have some great advice on this thread. Thanks for any input!

    Is your venue all inclusive with a banquet manager on site or is it a la carte where you independently bring in a caterer, a bartender, tables & chairs, etc.? If the former, the manager should be responsible. If the latter, you will need to hire someone. I would think you could get a DOC for closer to $500, if you need one.

    Stuck in the box:
    That is a great point. We are actually meeting with the banquet hall this week to go over food and I will ask. It's a hall where they provide the food, tables, linens, etc etc. so it is possible. Thank you!
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    ladyamanuetladyamanuet member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary First Answer
    Cut out some flowers or something, but DEFINITELY hire a DOC!  You can likely find one for cheaper than $1500. I would talk to both of your venues, they may have someone you can hire, or a recommendation of DOCs they have worked with before. 

    I wouldn't hire a friend that is also a guest, because they likely will feel compelled to assist throughout the event, and won't really get to experience it as a guest. And you want to be celebrating with your friends and family, NOT dealing with any issues that might arise, which is why a DOC is SO helpful.  It really is worth the money to have the peace of mind that someone is there to handle stuff.
    My reaction to most everything on the internet today:
    image
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    kat1114kat1114 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Checkout thumbtack.com. You put in what you're looking for and vendors email you back with quotes. I did this to find a DOC, and although I haven't picked one, I got one quote for $375 and one for $500.
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    Mkincaid2014Mkincaid2014 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    If you really like and trust some of your vendors, I'd also ask them if they know of any good DOCs in the area. My florist has interacted with many over the years and recommended a couple of them. Ultimately we decided not to use one, but she had much better knowledge of local wedding professionals than we did and gave great recommendations.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I would get a professional, not a friend, to act as DOC.
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    RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Your venue doesn't have anyone working the front of house? No banquet manager? That is so odd to me. But what will need to be done? We set up all our decorations in the morning so there wasn't really anything to do in the afternoon other than them doing the dinner.
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    futuremrsog15futuremrsog15 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Thank you everyone. I am just so new this, my venue may offer something I just didn't ask. I have emailed two other local planners to get a better idea of the cost. The one quote I have is from a planner in a city 2 hours away. They just did my step-sister's wedding and I liked them, so I started with asking them first. My main concern is really just making sure everything is set up the way I envision it.
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    vt&dtvt&dt member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    We didn't have a DOC and everything was fine.  Our ceremony was in a church and reception in a separate place.

    The company we rented linens and china from set up the tables, chairs, etc. and some family and friends helped me decorate for about an hour and a half at the reception space (centerpieces, escort cards, etc). 
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    futuremrsog15futuremrsog15 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    vt&dt said:
    We didn't have a DOC and everything was fine.  Our ceremony was in a church and reception in a separate place.

    The company we rented linens and china from set up the tables, chairs, etc. and some family and friends helped me decorate for about an hour and a half at the reception space (centerpieces, escort cards, etc).

    Stuck in the box:
    So did you go earlier in the day to set up before getting ready for the wedding?
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    BlergbotBlergbot member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Just want to chime in that our DOC cost $1500, and she was the cheapest I could find in the area we are getting married, so it can depend on the area. I didn't try outside of the box things, like craigslist, etc., but the average cost in our area seems to be around $3,000. Still, if you aren't getting married in one of the wealthiest areas of the country, then you should be able to find something cheaper.
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    emmyg65emmyg65 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    We didn't have a DOC either. Ceremony and reception were in the same place. DH was there the morning of to set everything up with family members who volunteered to help. We would've done the same thing if the reception was at a different location.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    emmyg65 said:
    We didn't have a DOC either. Ceremony and reception were in the same place. DH was there the morning of to set everything up with family members who volunteered to help. We would've done the same thing if the reception was at a different location.
    Thing is, family members cannot be counted on to volunteer to help.  They have their own agendas.  You personally may not have needed hired help, which is great, but it really isn't appropriate to expect family members or other guests to volunteer to help-and it is within their rights to say "no" if they are asked to help with setting up or cleaning up.
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    vt&dtvt&dt member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    futuremrsog15 said:
    vt&dt said:
    We didn't have a DOC and everything was fine.  Our ceremony was in a church and reception in a separate place.

    The company we rented linens and china from set up the tables, chairs, etc. and some family and friends helped me decorate for about an hour and a half at the reception space (centerpieces, escort cards, etc).

    Stuck in the box:
    So did you go earlier in the day to set up before getting ready for the wedding




    *Also stuck in box....
    We actually did it right after hair and makeup.  Our schedule was:

    10:00am hair/makeup (done at 11:30)
    12:00 - 1:30 set up reception site and lunch, drive to church
    2:00 church opened, we got dressed there
    2:30 pictures
    5:00 ceremony
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    JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Jen4948 said:
    emmyg65 said:
    We didn't have a DOC either. Ceremony and reception were in the same place. DH was there the morning of to set everything up with family members who volunteered to help. We would've done the same thing if the reception was at a different location.
    Thing is, family members cannot be counted on to volunteer to help.  They have their own agendas.  You personally may not have needed hired help, which is great, but it really isn't appropriate to expect family members or other guests to volunteer to help-and it is within their rights to say "no" if they are asked to help with setting up or cleaning up.
    THIS! My boss was talking with someone recently about assigning someone to watch the cardbox and the gift table. I tried to casually mention how she should just ask the venue to assign someone and pay extra for that staff member if needed, because "I know a girl who had to watch the guestbook at her cousin's wedding and was so annoyed that she was asked to babysit an inanimate object instead of having fun, and she felt awkward telling the bride no." To that my boss and this other person replied "Oh it's fine to ask someone, there's ALWAYS those handful of people that want to be involved and help out in some way." 

    I tried, I did.
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    futuremrsog15futuremrsog15 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper

    I'm starting to get a vision of the timeline for day of and it is possible to get away with no DOC. Thank you everyone for your input. Great advice, I really appreciate it.

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    weddingmcgeeweddingmcgee member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    It definitely does depend on the area where your wedding will take place, but I found a DOC that is charging me hourly ($30/hr). I want her for the rehearsal, set up, and to help out for the first few hours of the reception. So, it's a total of about 6 hours and we she offered to charge an hourly rate instead of for the whole day. I also planned the whole wedding myself, so she isn't planning or helping out before the wedding, just making sure things go well the day of.
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