Did this happen to anyone else?

blizardlove14 · June 2014

My wedding is June 28th I sent out. STDs in late November and the formal invites in May. After receiving STD majority of the people said they were for sure coming. Which I was excited but a littke nervous because I over invited to compensate for people not being able to come. Well I was waiting on RSVPs and I didn't get some from people who told me they were definitely going to be there. I checked up on them, and many had random excuses some legit but most not. One girl said it fell on the same day as her sisters wedding. I thought this was rude because she knew long before I sent out the FI that she couldn't make it. Yet I had to track her and a few others down. I wish people would step it up. Give the bride and groom opportunities to expand their guest list if you know from the get go you can't make it!

QueerFemme · June 2014

blizardlove14 said:

My wedding is June 28th I sent out. STDs in late November and the formal invites in May. After receiving STD majority of the people said they were for sure coming. Which I was excited but a littke nervous because I over invited to compensate for people not being able to come. Well I was waiting on RSVPs and I didn't get some from people who told me they were definitely going to be there. I checked up on them, and many had random excuses some legit but most not. One girl said it fell on the same day as her sisters wedding. I thought this was rude because she knew long before I sent out the FI that she couldn't make it. Yet I had to track her and a few others down. I wish people would step it up. Give the bride and groom opportunities to expand their guest list if you know from the get go you can't make it!

Having a "B" list is rude. You make your guest lists and whoever can come, comes, and whoever can't, won't. But, you don't expand your guest list once you get "no"s. You shouldn't have over-invited in the first place.

blizardlove14 · June 2014

Huh? -_- no I am referring to people who knew from the very beginning of getting their save the date that they could not make it. At that early of a stage of planning I could of invited more people that asked/wanted to come.But there were quite a few people that wanted to come that. But idiots taking up space for no reason took their spots. I didn't go over on RSVPs I got 10 less than my max. Majority of the time you have to over invite and I am glad I didnt.

mlg78 · June 2014

You should never base your invites on what they say upon receiving the STD. People don't respond to STDs. I don't know the game plan of what I'm doing on a Saturday 7 or 8 months from now.

QueerFemme · June 2014

I'm confused. You said in your post that you over invited. Did you mean that you over invited when you sent out the STD? People don't have to rsvp to a STD. And plans can change dramatically over the course of 5 to 6 months. How do you know that they knew for sure way back then that they couldn't come?

blizardlove14 · June 2014

For some people that completely makes sense. I am a logical person I understand that. However you should not tell anyone for anything that "I will for sure be there" if you do not know. Before I even got engaged, and planned I received STD and invites. I always promptly responded to invites. If I got a save the date, I wasn't going to wait to get to the FI to tell them I could not make it. If I couldn't make it, that could free up a spot for someone else who could. ESPECIALLY at the beginning. It's common sense and tactful. But then again, most people are lacking in both of those departments.

mlg78 · June 2014

You should still invite those who tell you after receiving the STD that they can't make it. I'd feel pretty shitty if I'm your friend but because I have something going on that I can't attend so you just don't end up sending me an invite? That would make me think you don't really want me there on your big day...and perhaps my plans changed? Also, I would still send you a gift...so basing things on your STDs is just plain silly.

Viczaesar · June 2014

blizardlove14 said:

Huh? -_- no I am referring to people who knew from the very beginning of getting their save the date that they could not make it. At that early of a stage of planning I could of invited more people that asked/wanted to come.But there were quite a few people that wanted to come that. But idiots taking up space for no reason took their spots. I didn't go over on RSVPs I got 10 less than my max. Majority of the time you have to over invite and I am glad I didnt.

Nobody owes you a reply to an STD, and everybody who gets an STD should get an invitation to the wedding, regardless of whether they've told you they can't attend.

I have no idea what you mean by "Majority of the time you have to over invite and I am glad I didnt." You told us in your OP that you overinvited (which you should not have done, by the way, and you're very lucky you didn't get screwed with that).

Viczaesar · June 2014

blizardlove14 said:

For some people that completely makes sense. I am a logical person I understand that. However you should not tell anyone for anything that "I will for sure be there" if you do not know. Before I even got engaged, and planned I received STD and invites. I always promptly responded to invites. If I got a save the date, I wasn't going to wait to get to the FI to tell them I could not make it. If I couldn't make it, that could free up a spot for someone else who could. ESPECIALLY at the beginning. It's common sense and tactful. But then again, most people are lacking in both of those departments.

No, it's not common sense and tactful. Again, nobody owes you a response to your STD. Some people who think that they won't be able to make it actually will, and some people who think that they will be able to make it won't. That's the nature of the beast. It really has no bearing on your invitation list because you have to invite everyone to whom you sent an STD anyway, and you need to be prepared to host them in case they are able to come after all.

AddieCake · June 2014

You always invite everyone you send and STD to, even if they say they cannot make it. And you should never then over invite because you never know if their plans might change.

Jen4948 · June 2014

All STDs need to be followed up with invitations-even if the recipients in question say that they can't make it. Because it can always turn out later that they can and they will want to come.

Maggie0829 · June 2014

I don't get why people don't just make a guest list with everyone that they would like to attend their wedding and then plan a wedding around that guest list.

MuppetOverlord · June 2014

You are being unreasonable.

It's okay that people decline to attend your wedding when they receive the invitation, whether they intended to come originally or not.

I find it ridiculous that you are butt-hurt over someone choosing to attend their sister's wedding over yours. She should.

Kate61487 · June 2014

Maggie0829 said:
I don't get why people don't just make a guest list with everyone that they would like to attend their wedding and then plan a wedding around that guest list.

Duh Maggie, b/c pretty flowers and their dream venue and their "vision" is way more important than friends and family, obvi.

OP you are in the wrong here. "B listing" (inviting more people after space opens up) is rude and tacky, even after the STD phase.

Kate61487 · June 2014

I should clarify: I don't think a guest list has to be 100% set in stone at the STD stage. What I'm criticizing here is the mentality of inviting more people b/c "a seat opened up". Your friends and family should mean more to you than just being a butt in a seat and if there's someone you actually want at your wedding you should plan a wedding you can invite them to from the get-go rather than keeping your fingers crossed for declines.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

Sorry OP, you're super wrong. Plans change. My step-sister already told me she can't attend my wedding because she's in another wedding that day, but what if that gets moved? I won't exclude her just because she's said she'll be busy, or invite someone else in her place. And if other friends who stated interest in my wedding turn out to be unavailable, I certainly won't call them idiots on the internet.

Did this happen to anyone else?

Re: Did this happen to anyone else?

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