Would you give a +1 to your divorced or widowed grandparents?

JCbride2015 · June 2014

I know we don't have to nail this down right now, but I'm curious. We plan to give +1's for our truly single guests (obviously inviting all SOs). But it seems a little weird to ask my widowed grandmothers, or my divorced grandfather, if they want to bring a date. Should I offer that they can bring a "friend?" Should I just invite them alone? WWTKD?

offensivekitten2 · June 2014

Just treat them like any other guest and give them a plus one. They decide if the person they bring is a date or a friend. Easy peasy.

NYCMercedes · June 2014

offensivekitten2 said:

Just treat them like any other guest and give them a plus one. They decide if the person they bring is a date or a friend. Easy peasy.

Agree

ScoutF · June 2014

I did it on a case by case basis. I have two aunts that are widowed and not remarried or dating. My aunt was not given one because she would have been offended (her words). My great aunt was- she has a very close friend that likes to bring to events.

JaxInBlue · June 2014

ScoutF said:

I did it on a case by case basis. I have two aunts that are widowed and not remarried or dating. My aunt was not given one because she would have been offended (her words). My great aunt was- she has a very close friend that likes to bring to events.

This is what we did. We did a lot of gentle asking before invites went out. Some people appreciated the opportunity to bring a friend or companion; others did not want to.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

I think gentle asking may be the way to go. One grandmother might be offended by a +1, although I know she has had a couple of "beaus" after my grandfather passed. But she's very proper and would never even call these men a "date," haha. Other grandmother never dates but she might want to just bring a friend.

melbelleup · June 2014

my grandma is a widow, she wouldn't bring anyone however other than people already invited (my mom, uncles, aunts etc)

my grandpa is also a widow, but he has a girlfriend and she was invited by name.

I would do it case by case. We're giving plus 1's to everyone, but I didn't give my grandma one.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

Absolutely give them the option of a plus one !

VulgarGirl · June 2014

My grandma is getting a plus 1. She may or may not bring a date or a good friend. I don't care either way, I trust my grandma not to bring someone who will dance on tables. I mean, that's my job, I'm the bride after all.

I'd feel weird telling her she can't have a plus 1 because of her age. She doesn't date a lot but she does date some.

annathy03 · June 2014

We gave a +1 to every single including my widowed aunt and mother and DH's widowed grandmother.

I think how fresh the divorce/death is may be a factor as well. If my mom had gotten a plus one a month after losing my father she would have found that hurtful, but appreciates being able to bring a friend if she chooses to now.

SewInLoveWithDMB · June 2014

I think this is a situation where it totally depends on the person. It depends on so many things. Are they actively dating? Are they attending the wedding with other family members? How recent is the passing of their partner? Or, is their divorced spouse also attending? Are they dating someone? A few examples: My H's mother was invited to a wedding with "and Guest." Her husband died less than a year ago. She was not dating anyone else (and now 5 years later is still not dating.) All of her children were invited and attending, as well as all of her sisters and other close family members. She was offended. She felt it was implying that she would have found "someone else" quickly when she was still very much mourning the loss of her husband.

climbingsingle · June 2014

I think this is very much a "know your group" sort of thing. My Gma is widowed and would find it very weird if I invited her with a +1. She wouldn't want to bring a friend either, especially since she's riding with my uncle. However, there is a widowed aunt on FI's side that we're inviting with a +1 because we know she'd like to bring a friend.

scrunchythief · June 2014

We gave every single person a +1. For our older guests, we actually gave them two +1's. A lot of them would be travelling pretty far, so I wanted to make sure if they needed more people to help them travel, they'd be free to bring them. The only exception to the +1's for us was my FI's great-uncle who is a priest. His mom thought it would be offensive (may not always be the case, I just figured she knew him better).

GuitarSlayer · June 2014

I'm giving my divorced uncle/godfather a +1. We're also giving FI's single-never-married aunt/godmother a +1. Since our wedding is small, everyone else is paired off; I don't want them to feel like they had no option but be third wheels. I know my sister doesn't have a boyfriend, but I'm giving her a +1 because she'll be the youngest, single person there; FI's brother is already married. It's a know your crowd thing, but I'd err on the side of giving them a +1.

phira · June 2014

REALLY depends on the person.

My grandfather died over 25 years ago, and as far as we know, my grandmother never dated anyone after he passed away. She's very traditional and would likely be incredibly offended if we invited her with a plus one.

My partner's grandmother died two years ago, after being married for 61 years. Her loss is still very fresh for the whole family, and her absence will be extremely noticeable at the wedding (first wedding in the family since she died). My partner's grandfather would be very hurt if we invited him with a plus one.

My godmother's wife died almost 10 years ago (and died relatively young; she had pancreatic cancer). My godmother has mentioned in passing that she's been on some online dating sites recently, and we dropped some hints that she could bring a guest, and she seemed happy to hear that (not like, "OH THANK YOU THANK YOU!" but definitely not upset). So we're going to invite her with a guest.

beethery · June 2014

FI's two grandmothers are widows and do not want +1s. I plan to ask if my step-grandmother wants a +1 to bring my dad's step-sister. I don't really know her too well and we're trying to keep the ceremony as small as possibly possible, but I don't want to be a dick and not at least ask her

AddieCake · June 2014

Yes, I would give them a guest.

lyndausvi · June 2014

phira said:

REALLY depends on the person.

My grandfather died over 25 years ago, and as far as we know, my grandmother never dated anyone after he passed away. She's very traditional and would likely be incredibly offended if we invited her with a plus one.

My partner's grandmother died two years ago, after being married for 61 years. Her loss is still very fresh for the whole family, and her absence will be extremely noticeable at the wedding (first wedding in the family since she died). My partner's grandfather would be very hurt if we invited him with a plus one.

My godmother's wife died almost 10 years ago (and died relatively young; she had pancreatic cancer). My godmother has mentioned in passing that she's been on some online dating sites recently, and we dropped some hints that she could bring a guest, and she seemed happy to hear that (not like, "OH THANK YOU THANK YOU!" but definitely not upset). So we're going to invite her with a guest.

*** SIB ***

Yep. It depends on the person. I gave a plus1 to my Grandfather's companion of 40 years (GF passed 20 years ago). Fact is she was 102 and we figured she would want a companion herself either as company or as a driver (or both I guess). We had a few other widows we did not give plus1. They are not nor have been seeing anyone. They always travel to other non-weddings events alone, so we didn't give them a date. My aunt's husband passed 3 years before our wedding. She started seeing someone so we invited her compaion also.

melbenso · June 2014

Not to thread-jack, but @shrekspeare - Your signature is hilarious!

tammym1001 · June 2014

We did not give my widowed grandmother a +1. My grandpa passed away 18 years ago and my grandmother has not so much as even talked to another man. She has very few friends and would have ended up bringing one of my aunts who was purposely not invited in the first place if we had given her a +1. I definitely think this is something that needs to be handled on a case by case basis.

CMGragain · June 2014

When my mother died in October, she had closets full of expensive clothes! I distributed then to people who could use them. One of her best friends was reluctant to take one of the gorgeous suits that really flattered her. I said, "Jane, someday your sons will be getting married, and you will have to sit at a table and watch your SOB ex-husband sitting with his Playboy bunny girlfriend. You need to wear this suit and to look fabulous, sitting with your date." She took the suit.
Just because we are older, doesn't mean we don't have some of the same issues you younger folks have! Give them a plus one, and don't judge!

LadyMillil · June 2014

My grandma is widowed. All of her siblings and other close family were invited, she lives in the same city our wedding was held in, and she is comfortable driving. She would have found it odd and maybe would have been offended if we gave her a plus one. Definitely consider this on a case by case basis.

Jen4948 · June 2014

JCbride2015 said:

I know we don't have to nail this down right now, but I'm curious. We plan to give +1's for our truly single guests (obviously inviting all SOs). But it seems a little weird to ask my widowed grandmothers, or my divorced grandfather, if they want to bring a date. Should I offer that they can bring a "friend?" Should I just invite them alone? WWTKD?

I'd tell them they can bring someone of their choice, whether or not it's a "date."

CamiSelene · June 2014

I personally think it really depends. My uncle was taken from us too soon about 2 years ago from colon cancer and my aunt is still in shambles over it. When I asked my mom, she told me to not give her a plus one as it would hurt worse for her. As well, my grandfather recently passed last year. It happened a week after my grandma was diagnosed with colon cancer (which took her son) and she did not really have time to mourn because she was fighting her own battle. As of a few months ago, my grandmother is officially cancer free and just now starting to grieve (they were married 61 years) so I never gave her a plus one either out of respect for what she is dealing with and knowing for a fact that it would make matters worse.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

Jen4948 said:

JCbride2015 said:

I know we don't have to nail this down right now, but I'm curious. We plan to give +1's for our truly single guests (obviously inviting all SOs). But it seems a little weird to ask my widowed grandmothers, or my divorced grandfather, if they want to bring a date. Should I offer that they can bring a "friend?" Should I just invite them alone? WWTKD?

I'd tell them they can bring someone of their choice, whether or not it's a "date."

Yeah I think this is the tack I will take with it. Thanks everyone!

April192002 · June 2014

Neither of my grandparents are receiving a +1 nor is one of my Aunts. My Grandma has been widowed for 10 years and when she travels it's either with a group of church ladies or with family. My Grandpa, who I just met a few years ago, will only be traveling if his daughter and her husband (I guess technically my aunt and uncle) are available to come. My Aunt always travels alone to family functions and it makes it less expensive for her because she can stay with family or she and my Grandma will share a hotel room...but that's just how that side of the family has worked for years.

RebeccaFlower · June 2014

My grandmother is a widow of 26 years and she has never brought a 'friend' to any function. Ever. It never even occurred to me to give her a plus one. I think it's a case by case basis thing.

Would you give a +1 to your divorced or widowed grandparents?

Re: Would you give a +1 to your divorced or widowed grandparents?

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