This has been really bugging me the past couple of days, so I thought maybe posting about it would help.
SUMMARY: FSIL is in the wedding, and refused to give input into style or price of dress when asked. She insisted on spending $150 on a FG dress for her daughter, and insisted that her 2yo son be RB. Everything else (hair, makeup, shoes, etc.) are optional. She's now complaining behind my back about how much this is costing her. I'm trying not to feel badly, because IMO, she did it to herself, but that's easier said than done.
FULL STORY:
I have 5 bridesmaids. My MOH, who is my best friend, a friend from college, my 12 year old cousin and my 2 FSIL. One of my FSIL, we'll call her Stacy, has 2 children, both of whom are in the wedding. Her daughter, age 4, is flower girl. Her son, age 2, is ring bearer. (FI and I were not originally planning on having a RB, because of his age. Stacy pretty much insisted that her son be RB, because her husband is also in the wedding ... and "what are we supposed to do with him during the ceremony". We agreed ... so as to avoid drama.)
Before we started looking at dresses, I spoke to each girl about budget. I got a non-answer from both FSIL. "It's your wedding. Pick what you like." I got an "under $200" answer from the other bridesmaids. So ... I started looking at dresses that were $200 and under, which is the bottom end of price ranges for bridesmaid dresses. (I wanted everybody in the same dress. With a junior size bridesmaid that's not easy to do. I did a HUGE amount of research before choosing a designer. I ended up with Alfred Angelo.) MOH and I went to look at dresses together (because FSIL's were unavailable, and the other 2 are out of state) and we narrowed it down to 3 choices. I went back to the salon with FSIL to try on the final 3 and get their opinions. Again, I got, "I like all 3 dresses, for different reasons." MOH had a definite opinion, and it matched mine, so we went with that one.
Stacy insisted on buying FG dress from the same designer as the bridesmaids dresses, because otherwise the colors wouldn't match and it wouldn't look right. So, she spent $150 on a FG dress for a 4 year old who will never wear it again. I would have been just fine with a much less expensive party dress from Macy's or a children's clothing store. But, again, Stacy insisted.
When the bridesmaids dresses came in, Stacy and her sister went to pick up the dress. They had told me that they were going to use their own alterations place, which is perfectly fine with me. So, they picked up the dresses without trying them on before leaving the store. Apparently, Stacy's dress is way too big, and she claims the alterations will cost $200.
I have also given each bridesmaid a choice about whether to get their hair and makeup professionally done with my stylist, or to do it themselves (or at a salon of their choice.) I gave them the price information before needing a commitment from them. They all agreed.
The other day, Stacy was complaining to FI about how this wedding is costing her family close to $1000, between the dresses and the alterations (she claims her dress is way too big on her ... I haven't seen it), tuxedos for the guys, hair and makeup. And how I should have gone with shorter BM dresses (she didn't give me an opinion about this when I asked.) Or less expensive dresses (again, no opinion or budget given when I asked.) FI mentioned to her that she didn't have to agree to be in the wedding in the first place. Her response implied that she said yes because she felt obligated to, and she didn't feel like she could say no without it making HER look bad. Honestly, I'd rather she would have just said no, if she really doesn't want to be in the wedding.
I am trying hard not to feel badly about this because she never gave me input when I asked for it, and told me to do whatever I wanted. I tried to keep things as reasonable as I could, dress-price wise, and still have everybody in the same dress. She insisted on spending $150 on a FG dress. She insisted on us making her son RB so it would be more convenient for her. She chose to have her hair and makeup professionally done by my stylist after I told her the of the dress. And this is also the same woman who chose to spend close to $1000 on her 4 year old's birthday party and close to $6000 on a Disney vacation this coming October.
It just really irks me that she's talking about this behind my back. And I can't confront her about this because she will get mad at FI for telling me any of this in the first place.