NWR: In lieu of flowers...

[Deleted User] · June 2014

Grampa died on Monday. My sister sent around the address to where we can send funeral flowers, then asked Gramma what charity we can donate to in lieu of flowers. Gramma said their church. Thing is, I dislike their church. Yes, my grandparents have gotten lots of support and friends from this church over the years, but I don't like the message that they preach; women are less than men, being gay is a sin, etc. So, I don't want to donate money to their church to help them propagate their beliefs. But giving a donation to the (for example) Democratic Party isn't honoring my Grampa as it isn't something he would agree with. What to do?

Jen4948 · June 2014

Donate to a charity your grandfather would support that you are okay with. If there isn't one, then don't make a donation.

KatWAG · June 2014

What did your Grandpa die from? If it was cancer, Parkinsons, alzeimher's, etc donate to them for research.

Gizmo813 · June 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with PP. You knew your Grandpa, so you would know what kinds of things would mean a lot to him. Find one that you can support as well, and donate to that. Hospice, if he was under their care, is a good one. Also, medical research. But you are really the only one who can make that determination.

Inkdancer · June 2014

I would consider donating to a charity that does research for whatever you lost him to. If you can't find one that you like (for example, I disagree with Komen's spending so I won't donate to them) then don't donate anything. Instead, write a nice letter to your grandmother expressing your sympathy and talking about the things you loved about your grandpa. That will mean more than money.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

Thanks for the ideas. While we may have technically lost him to a stroke, what we really lost him to was "being 93 years old". He was going blind at the end and discovered a love of audio books. Is there an organization that donates audio books to the blind?

emmyg65 · June 2014

Perhaps this? http://www.loc.gov/nls/donate.html

"Through a national network of cooperating libraries, NLS administers a free library program of braille and audio materials circulated to eligible borrowers in the United States by postage-free mail."

Sorry about your grandpa.

beachyone15 · June 2014

adk19 said:

Thanks for the ideas. While we may have technically lost him to a stroke, what we really lost him to was "being 93 years old". He was going blind at the end and discovered a love of audio books. Is there an organization that donates audio books to the blind?

I don't know of one but that's a very sweet idea.

MW5280 · June 2014

In Colorado, we have The Talking Book Library.

There are also schools/education centers specifically for the blind - maybe one of those?

Simply Fated · June 2014

adk19 said:

Thanks for the ideas. While we may have technically lost him to a stroke, what we really lost him to was "being 93 years old". He was going blind at the end and discovered a love of audio books. Is there an organization that donates audio books to the blind?

Consider checking with your local library. They might be able to point you in the right direction. Hell, they might even be able to use the donation.
My grandmother was partial to the Helen Keller services for the blind.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

Sounds like you are getting lots of good ideas so I really have nothing to add. I just wanted to say I'm very sorry for your loss. You are being so thoughtful about this and I'm sure your grandmother will appreciate whatever you come up with.

KatieinBkln · June 2014

So sorry for your loss.

I might be misunderstanding though--if your sister sent the address where to send funeral flowers, is it still okay to send flowers? Is the "in lieu of" charity an option, or do they just not want flowers? Because if I had a choice between a church I disagree with and a lovely arrangement, I'd buy the flowers.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

KatieinBkln said:

So sorry for your loss.

I might be misunderstanding though--if your sister sent the address where to send funeral flowers, is it still okay to send flowers? Is the "in lieu of" charity an option, or do they just not want flowers? Because if I had a choice between a church I disagree with and a lovely arrangement, I'd buy the flowers.

Yeah, you've got a point there. I guess I could still buy flowers. I'm pretty sure my sister got the address for the funeral home before talking to Gramma about what she wanted if people felt the need to send something. Looking back at the two emails, the first one says, "I spoke with the funeral home about flowers/delivery for anyone looking for that info." and the second one says, "Another option: Grandma has requested that in lieu of flowers for the Funeral, Please send gift Donation to..." I guess I just figure that flowers will be sent by people who are not traveling to the funeral like more distant relatives or out-of-town friends. And how many flower arrangements does Gramma need afterwards?

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

adk19 said:

KatieinBkln said:

So sorry for your loss.

I might be misunderstanding though--if your sister sent the address where to send funeral flowers, is it still okay to send flowers? Is the "in lieu of" charity an option, or do they just not want flowers? Because if I had a choice between a church I disagree with and a lovely arrangement, I'd buy the flowers.

Yeah, you've got a point there. I guess I could still buy flowers. I'm pretty sure my sister got the address for the funeral home before talking to Gramma about what she wanted if people felt the need to send something. Looking back at the two emails, the first one says, "I spoke with the funeral home about flowers/delivery for anyone looking for that info." and the second one says, "Another option: Grandma has requested that in lieu of flowers for the Funeral, Please send gift Donation to..." I guess I just figure that flowers will be sent by people who are not traveling to the funeral like more distant relatives or out-of-town friends. And how many flower arrangements does Gramma need afterwards?

My family always sends a live plant rather than flowers, when we send anything... that way there's something that lives on afterward rather than a sloppy vase of dead flowers.You could also arrange for food to be sent to your grandma's house, either while she's trying to host all these well-wishers or once the family is all gone. Don't feel obligated to donate anything if you don't want to though. She won't feel your sympathy any less.

I'm sorry for your loss.

misshart00 · June 2014

When my H's dad dies, the best thing his mother/we got was an edible arrangement. Could you send one of those to your grandma?

tigersgirlgv · June 2014

lolo883 said:

adk19 said:

KatieinBkln said:

So sorry for your loss.

I might be misunderstanding though--if your sister sent the address where to send funeral flowers, is it still okay to send flowers? Is the "in lieu of" charity an option, or do they just not want flowers? Because if I had a choice between a church I disagree with and a lovely arrangement, I'd buy the flowers.

Yeah, you've got a point there. I guess I could still buy flowers. I'm pretty sure my sister got the address for the funeral home before talking to Gramma about what she wanted if people felt the need to send something. Looking back at the two emails, the first one says, "I spoke with the funeral home about flowers/delivery for anyone looking for that info." and the second one says, "Another option: Grandma has requested that in lieu of flowers for the Funeral, Please send gift Donation to..." I guess I just figure that flowers will be sent by people who are not traveling to the funeral like more distant relatives or out-of-town friends. And how many flower arrangements does Gramma need afterwards?

My family always sends a live plant rather than flowers, when we send anything... that way there's something that lives on afterward rather than a sloppy vase of dead flowers.You could also arrange for food to be sent to your grandma's house, either while she's trying to host all these well-wishers or once the family is all gone. Don't feel obligated to donate anything if you don't want to though. She won't feel your sympathy any less.

I'm sorry for your loss.

This is a great idea. My grandpa passed away more than 10 years ago and we still have two plants that my dad took home after the funeral. My mom can never keep houseplants alive, but those two have survived! We always talk about how Grandpa must be helping keep them alive, since my mom can't

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

tigersgirlgv said:

lolo883 said:

adk19 said:

KatieinBkln said:

So sorry for your loss.

I might be misunderstanding though--if your sister sent the address where to send funeral flowers, is it still okay to send flowers? Is the "in lieu of" charity an option, or do they just not want flowers? Because if I had a choice between a church I disagree with and a lovely arrangement, I'd buy the flowers.

Yeah, you've got a point there. I guess I could still buy flowers. I'm pretty sure my sister got the address for the funeral home before talking to Gramma about what she wanted if people felt the need to send something. Looking back at the two emails, the first one says, "I spoke with the funeral home about flowers/delivery for anyone looking for that info." and the second one says, "Another option: Grandma has requested that in lieu of flowers for the Funeral, Please send gift Donation to..." I guess I just figure that flowers will be sent by people who are not traveling to the funeral like more distant relatives or out-of-town friends. And how many flower arrangements does Gramma need afterwards?

My family always sends a live plant rather than flowers, when we send anything... that way there's something that lives on afterward rather than a sloppy vase of dead flowers.You could also arrange for food to be sent to your grandma's house, either while she's trying to host all these well-wishers or once the family is all gone. Don't feel obligated to donate anything if you don't want to though. She won't feel your sympathy any less.

I'm sorry for your loss.

This is a great idea. My grandpa passed away more than 10 years ago and we still have two plants that my dad took home after the funeral. My mom can never keep houseplants alive, but those two have survived! We always talk about how Grandpa must be helping keep them alive, since my mom can't

Same with my mom! The only plants that have survived her black thumb are from my grandparents' funerals.

KeptInStitches · June 2014

You've already gotten great ideas, so I'll add that I'm sorry for your loss.

lizandmark2014 · June 2014

Yes!!! I hear ads on NPR periodicly for autio books programs.
To investigate more call your local station. My local librarian knows how to donate to programs like autio book programs. Your library may know this info. I would also go on line at NPR.

NWR: In lieu of flowers...

Re: NWR: In lieu of flowers...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards