We are having a small, casual wedding this October with only 8 guests in attendance, immediate family members only (parents and siblings and SO of siblings). My mom totally understands this and respects our decision to cut out all of the crazy extended family members that I do not want there.
Last weekend, we had dinner with her and my stepdad (my bio dad is not a part of my life, not receiving an invite. I can count on one hand the number of times he's met my FI). She mentioned that she'd like to host a bridal shower for me (well, really a couple's shower or whatever the correct term is. Couples would be invited, instead of just women). She also said that a friend of hers (whom I also know) has offered to have the shower at her home.
It would seem to me that whomever is invited to a shower before the wedding should also expect to receive a wedding invite, amirite? What should I do? Is there any polite way to let the guests at the shower know our plans and our reasons for having the small wedding (budget, FI's mom is disabled with very rapidly declining health, so a quiet sit-down dinner is all we want to do, FI also has zero extended family or siblings to invite, so it would just be the crazies from my side of the family that all hate eachother, and we are not interested in doing that).
We will be having our small wedding this October, and next summer plan on hosting a celebration of our marriage (not a second wedding! lol) next summer with friends and family, and this will double as a going away party before we *hopefully* move cross country.