My good friend eloped and I knew about it. Do I buy a gift?

Re: My good friend eloped and I knew about it. Do I buy a gift?

• ride0rdie member

  

  June 2014

  If you weren't invited you are not obligated to give a gift.
  
  She didn't elope she had a small wedding.
  
  Whether or not you were invited , if I were in your shoes I would give a small gift.

  
  

  
  

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• VulgarGirl member

  

  June 2014

  She's your good friend, so if you'd like to give her a gift, give one. You can give a gift for anything. Just because, is a good enough reason to give a gift.

  
  

  But you obligated to as you did not attend her wedding.

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• RebeccaFlower member

  

  June 2014

  Did you have to fly to your destination? In that case, I'm not going to lie, I think it's weird she piggy-backed off your wedding, but whatever. Good for your for not making an issue of it. Gifts are never required and as my personal rule, I don't send gifts to weddings I'm not invited to. I set these 'rules' to draw the line somewhere.

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• mrsmorales2be mod

  

  June 2014

  Really depends on how close you are to this person.  You're not obligated, but if you're close perhaps a card and a small gift would be appropriate. 

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Fairyjen1 member

  

  June 2014

      I have given gifts to people whose wedding I wasn't invited to, if I'm close to them. I've also given gifts at office showers where there wasn't an expectation of being invited. It depends on the person and my finances at the time!

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• AddieCake member

  

  June 2014

  You are never obligated to give a gift, but gifts are always welcome!

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• phira member

  

  June 2014

  jewels8268 said:

  I need some advice,
  
  I was engaged for 2 years and planned a destination wedding during this time. I invited my good friend and her boyfriend, and they were very excited to attend. About 4 months before my wedding, she approached me saying that her and her boyfriend had gotten engaged and were planning on eloping at the same destination immedately before my wedding. She wanted to know if I was OK with that, as she didn't want to steal my thunder so to speak. I told her that was totally fine and I didn't have a problem at all. I wasn't invited to her wedding, as they 'eloped' and only told about a dozen people (they had 8 people attend their wedding). They came to our destination wedding right after theirs, and gave us a very generous cash wedding gift. At the time I didn't think to get them a wedding gift as I wasn't invited to their wedding, but since coming home I'm having second thoughts. At first I was just going to give a card, but thought it might look silly as they were so generous to us. I don't really feel comfortable giving them an equal amount of cash in return (otherwise it's just like swapping money), and they don't need/want anything for their house. I feel that any type of gift will just be compared to their generous one (ie a bottle of wine might not cut it). So I'm not really sure what to do? Any advice anyone can give would be greatly appreciated!
  

  Gifts are never required, even if you're invited to the wedding. And obviously, you're not obligated to meet the dollar amount of the gift they gave you.

  
  

  I think it would be nice--these are friends of yours!--to give a small gift. You can get really creative if you're worried. A nice gift that doesn't break the bank might be a "date night" package: a bottle of wine, gourmet pasta and sauce, and some candles.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• emmyg65 member

  

  June 2014

  Like others said, gifts are never required, even if you are invited to the wedding. But she's your good friend. If I were in your position, I'd get her a little something. But I'm a huge gift-giver and will take any excuse.

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• Jells2dot0 mod

  

  June 2014

  Since she had people at her wedding, it was not an elopement. However, I did elope. We told everyone upon our return and did not expect any gifts from anyone we told. One person sent us a gift card to our favorite restaurant and that was very appreciated, but totally unnecessary. As pps said, gifts are always nice but totally not to be expected.

   

  

  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

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• jdluvr06 member

  

  June 2014

  It isn't necessary to give a gift but if I were you I would because I like to give gifts.

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• CMGragain member

  

  June 2014

  As others have said, your friend did not elope.  She had a small wedding.
  
  Gifts are optional.  You give a gift because you want to give a gift, not because it is required.
  

  

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• NYCMercedes member

  

  June 2014

  I love giving gifts to my friends for no reason. For their wedding, I'd be so happy for them, I'd want to give them a gift. Up to you.

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• indianaalum member

  

  June 2014

  I'd still give a gift. she isstill your friend

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• scrunchythief member

  

  June 2014 edited June 2014

  phira said:

  jewels8268 said:

  
  

  I think it would be nice--these are friends of yours!--to give a small gift. You can get really creative if you're worried. A nice gift that doesn't break the bank might be a "date night" package: a bottle of wine, gourmet pasta and sauce, and some candles.

  This gift sounds awesome and I think I'm going to steal it for my friend's first anniversary this year.
  
  ETF typo

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• saacjw member

  

  June 2014

  My good friend is having a tiny private (the couple and their parents) wedding soon. I sent her a gift. It's mostly cheesy silly things that she and her FI like, but I wanted to send them something to celebrate their marriage. It's just fun and I would have gotten them a funny gift like that had they had a big blowout wedding. 

  

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• jewels8268 member

  

  June 2014

  Thanks everyone for the great advice! I ended up getting them some very cute gifts for their brand new puppy and a bottle of champagne. I felt great about the gift until she turned right around after opening her wedding gift and gave me a belated birthday gift.. which of course was all lovely and well thought out presents. I did not get her anything for her birthday (we have never exchanged birthday gifts before) so now we're back in the same predicament. I'm starting to feel like a horrible friend. Arg!
  

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