qenderqueer best friend

hanckypanky · June 2014

I need help with finiding an outfit for my best friend, who will be filling the "maid of honor" position. He has said he'll wear anything I put him in, but I know he would be uncomfortable in a dress. But I don't want him in a tux to match the groomsmen or best man, I want him to match "my" side.

this is the dress the 2 bridesmaids are in. I was thinking finding similar material and having it made into a vest and tie for his tux? Or would that look....weird. The material is a little loud....

ShesSoCold · June 2014

If he would be more comfortable in a tux, please let him wear a tux. He can still stand on your side and everything will look and be fine.

Personally I don't particularly like the idea of a vest in that color/print, but a tie would be nice.

lilacck28 · June 2014

agree with above, a tie sounds like a good option. Or even just a tie that matches one of the colors in the dresses.

But mostly I'm commenting to find out where you got those dresses??

ShesSoCold · June 2014

Also, that dress is pretty adorable. I want pictures of this wedding party. I already love them.

hanckypanky · June 2014

ShesSoCold said:

If he would be more comfortable in a tux, please let him wear a tux. He can still stand on your side and everything will look and be fine.

Personally I don't particularly like the idea of a vest in that color/print, but a tie would be nice.

i am going to have him in a tux.... what i meant is, i don't want him in the same vest/tie color as the groomsmen (a royal blue like the darker color in the dresses)

I could do just the tie with the print and maybe a different color vest?

the dresses are

http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/evelyn-blue-rose.html

ShesSoCold · June 2014

Okay good, from your OP it sounded like you were hesitant to put him in a tux. Hmmm...maybe have him wear a white vest and the printed tie? Even if he wore the exact same thing as the groomsmen, he'd be standing on your side and I doubt anyone would be confused as to whose side he belonged on. I don't think there's anything wrong with him wearing something different, but I also think you're over-thinking this.

hanckypanky · June 2014

oh, no, I want him to be happy and comfortable in the clothing choices, I don't mind a tux on my side. i am just stressing abotu colors. I am probably overthinking everything, i've only been in planning mode for a few weeks and i'm already overwhelmed with all the choices to make lol

it's just hard to picture how it's going to come together in my head.

QueerFemme · June 2014

Put him in a similar tux or even just a black suit with a gorgeous blue tie that compliments that dress.

QueerFemme · June 2014

Also. I live that dress. But you probably don't want the groomsmen in tuxes since that dress is a lil casual. I would suggest charcoal grey suits.

doeydo · June 2014

I wouldn't do a tie in the same pattern or anything, it would make me think of Don Cherry. Below is what it might look like if you chose to do so:

Versus just a coordinating colour:

hanckypanky · June 2014

doeydo said:

I wouldn't do a tie in the same pattern or anything, it would make me think of Don Cherry. Below is what it might look like if you chose to do so:

Versus just a coordinating colour:

that is extremely helpfull! thank you! i personally love the matching tie and think i'm gonna go that route.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

I love the idea of a solid vest & then you can go bold tie. To do a matching vest & tie to the girls, the tie & vest will get lost against east other.

emmyg65 · June 2014

If you have the groomsmen in darker blue vests and ties, why not do your friend's vest and tie in the lighter blue? Like an aqua or a teal.

hanckypanky · June 2014

emmyg65 said:

If you have the groomsmen in darker blue vests and ties, why not do your friend's vest and tie in the lighter blue? Like an aqua or a teal.

b/c our colors are royal blue and deep purple, and the children are going to be in purple. the lighter blue isn't going to be anywhere else in the ceremony except the lighter color in the dresses.

I think i like using the dark blue vest and a patterned tie. though now my s/o doesn't think he even wants vests. and wants bowties. so idk. bowties make his head look like a balloon -_-

thanks for the input everyone

Rosebubbly · June 2014

I don't mind the matching tie either strangely enough.

lovesclimbing · June 2014

I feel like that print is so large on the dress, you won't even be able to see it on a tie. The tie would basically just be half blue and half white, if that makes sense.

Ndelible · June 2014

How about a solid tie and handkerchief in the dominant color of the dress? My GM will be wearing a vest and bow tie in a variation of our eggplant color.

Pepperally · June 2014

I agree the print probably wouldn't be that great on a tie...too large of a print. But using the light blue teal as your vest and/or tie would be nice.

ashley8918 · June 2014

"qenderqueer"? What does this even mean and what does it matter? Sexual orientation is irrelevant in this discussion. I will be having a male as my "man of honor" and he will be wearing a navy suit, while the groomsman are in black suits/tuxes.

hanckypanky · June 2014

genderqueer means my friend was born with a female body, prefers male or neutral pronouns and wears predominately male clothes, but occasionally dresses femme and does not fit in the gender binary. it has nothing to do with his sexual orientation. and it's relevant to the discussion because more femme suggestions aren't entirely out of the realm of possibility for him to wear.

hanckypanky · June 2014

lovesclimbing said:

I feel like that print is so large on the dress, you won't even be able to see it on a tie. The tie would basically just be half blue and half white, if that makes sense.

crap. good point

hanckypanky · June 2014

Ndelible said:

How about a solid tie and handkerchief in the dominant color of the dress? My GM will be wearing a vest and bow tie in a variation of our eggplant color.

the groomsmen are going to be in the dominate color

QueerFemme · June 2014

ashley8918 said:

"qenderqueer"? What does this even mean and what does it matter? Sexual orientation is irrelevant in this discussion. I will be having a male as my "man of honor" and he will be wearing a navy suit, while the groomsman are in black suits/tuxes.

To the first bold. Google it. To the second bold, it matters. Genderqueer is NOT the same as sexual orientiation. Someone can be genderqueer and fuck the same gender of person. Sexual orientation is not the same as sex/gender.

Here. Here's some education for ya.

MandyMost · June 2014

At a wedding I was at recently, there was one male on the bride's side. The Groomsmen all had vests and ties (I think in blue? I don't remember), and the guy on the bride's side wore suspenders instead of a vest, and a bow tie instead of a regular tie. His color coordinated with the bridesmaids, which were a bright peach. It was completely obvious he was on the bride's side, and they all looked fantastic. What about something like that?

hanckypanky · June 2014

We decided to change the colors and have everyone in solid colors

I still adore the look of big, floral bridesmaid dresses but I fell in love with a polka dot dress for my daughters and I'd rather do those. Plus my S/O wants daisies.

lilacck28 · June 2014

QueerFemme said:

ashley8918 said:

"qenderqueer"? What does this even mean and what does it matter? Sexual orientation is irrelevant in this discussion. I will be having a male as my "man of honor" and he will be wearing a navy suit, while the groomsman are in black suits/tuxes.

To the first bold. Google it. To the second bold, it matters. Genderqueer is NOT the same as sexual orientiation. Someone can be genderqueer and fuck the same gender of person. Sexual orientation is not the same as sex/gender.
Here. Here's some education for ya.

The data for "biological sex" confuses me. I would think there are definite options there. Male sexual organs, female sexual organs, or hermaphroditic organs. (and those categories would not preclude a sex change.) Care to explain what I'm missing? I think the other option they listed was "Male self ID" etc, but wouldn't that be a gender identity as opposed to a biological sex?

hanckypanky · June 2014

"Hermaphroditic" is offensive. the term is intersex. and my thread about how to make my best friend comfortable and have my friggin wedding look the way i want it is not a place to ask to be spoonfed answers about a very vast and emotionally charged topic. google it.

VulgarGirl · June 2014

lilacck28 said:

QueerFemme said:

ashley8918 said:

"qenderqueer"? What does this even mean and what does it matter? Sexual orientation is irrelevant in this discussion. I will be having a male as my "man of honor" and he will be wearing a navy suit, while the groomsman are in black suits/tuxes.

To the first bold. Google it. To the second bold, it matters. Genderqueer is NOT the same as sexual orientiation. Someone can be genderqueer and fuck the same gender of person. Sexual orientation is not the same as sex/gender.
Here. Here's some education for ya.

The data for "biological sex" confuses me. I would think there are definite options there. Male sexual organs, female sexual organs, or hermaphroditic organs. (and those categories would not preclude a sex change.) Care to explain what I'm missing? I think the other option they listed was "Male self ID" etc, but wouldn't that be a gender identity as opposed to a biological sex?

You're thinking in terms of biological sex. Vagina or penis. Gender and biological sex are not the same thing and gender is often much more fluid then people think. @QueerFemme's little infographic deal is a good place to jump off into the realm of what is gender. Because good lord could we spend hours going over it.

QueerFemme · June 2014

MagicInk said:

lilacck28 said:

QueerFemme said:

ashley8918 said:

"qenderqueer"? What does this even mean and what does it matter? Sexual orientation is irrelevant in this discussion. I will be having a male as my "man of honor" and he will be wearing a navy suit, while the groomsman are in black suits/tuxes.

To the first bold. Google it. To the second bold, it matters. Genderqueer is NOT the same as sexual orientiation. Someone can be genderqueer and fuck the same gender of person. Sexual orientation is not the same as sex/gender.
Here. Here's some education for ya.

The data for "biological sex" confuses me. I would think there are definite options there. Male sexual organs, female sexual organs, or hermaphroditic organs. (and those categories would not preclude a sex change.) Care to explain what I'm missing? I think the other option they listed was "Male self ID" etc, but wouldn't that be a gender identity as opposed to a biological sex?

You're thinking in terms of biological sex. Vagina or penis. Gender and biological sex are not the same thing and gender is often much more fluid then people think. @QueerFemme's little infographic deal is a good place to jump off into the realm of what is gender. Because good lord could we spend hours going over it.

yes... the graphic was just a "hey, there are lots of other options on the gender and sex spectrum, so yes, it matters". It wasn't meant to be a definitive explanation of sex, gender or sexuality.

lilacck28 · June 2014

hanckypanky said:

"Hermaphroditic" is offensive. the term is intersex. and my thread about how to make my best friend comfortable and have my friggin wedding look the way i want it is not a place to ask to be spoonfed answers about a very vast and emotionally charged topic. google it.

Stuck in Box

Thank you for correcting me! I should have looked up the proper term, I was not aware it wasn't the correct one any longer, and I am embarrassed I made that mistake.

lilacck28 · June 2014

Also, I am very sorry that I offended you. My response was not meant to be about being "spoon fed" a response. @Magicink was correct, I took the terms used in the infographic at face value: I assumed that "biological sex" did, in fact, mean biological since there was a separate category listed for gender. I wanted to learn if a term I had previously understood, based on classes and my own conversations with genderqueer friends, was actually used by others in a different way. I did not mean to imply that I knew everything about the world. I was genuinely interested in learning from women whom I respect rather than "googling" and possibly running across bs information.

I did not, however, think it was wrong to ask a question about the infographic. I have always thought that discussion and education is important.

ETA: Paragraphs. and, also, I am so sorry for offending you, again.

qenderqueer best friend

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