So here's the story. FI and I's wedding is in October. We asked our BP members in March. We asked my aunt if in my 7-year-old cousin could be our ring bearer. She was super excited and immediately said yes. FI asked his uncle if his 5-year-old cousin could be our flower girl. He said that would be great. Awesome. We were all excited.
FMIL is an amazingly gifted seamstress. She is graciously doing all of my alterations and will not accept payment. She also offered to make the dress for the flower girl. So I purchased all the materials for the dress, she took FI's cousins measurements (with a little room added in case she grew), and spent hours and hours making the most lovely flower girl dress I've ever seen. I almost cried when I saw it because I could tell how much effort she'd put into every detail of it, including hand stitching super delicate beading on it. It was all WAY above and beyond what I would have ever expected or imagined. But I thanked her profusely of course.
So now last week, FI's uncle calls him and says that cousin has decided she doesn't want to be in the wedding and won't be convinced otherwise. We were kind of like "Well she's 5, she's going to change her mind 15 more times between now and October, it'll be ok." But FI's aunt and uncle are convinced that she won't do it and told us we should plan on her not being in it.
Not having a flower girl is not the end of the world to me or FI by any means. I don't really care. But FMIL was beyond bummed when she found out, of course, because she'd spent so much time working on this dress. I suggested we sell the dress on Etsy or something since it's so beautiful, but she didn't want to do that. She asked me if I knew any other little girl the same size who could be the flower girl. I immediately thought of TK and all the lectures about not replacing a BP member and said that I didn't think that would be ok. FMIL kept pushing though, saying that she really was bummed about making the dress and now it's being all a waste. She wasn't trying to guilt trip, but I felt really bad.
Anyway, I was explaining all of this to MOH last night (basically just venting) and MOH said "You know, I'm not telling you what to do at all. It's up to you and I get that you don't want to replace her. But my little sister has always wanted to be a flower girl and I know she'd be so excited if you wanted her to do it." MOH's family and I are super close and I love her little sister. I probably would have asked her to be the flower girl if FI hadn't wanted his cousin to do it, and we didn't want more than a couple kids in it because our wedding is really small. I told MOH I just wasn't sure about it.
I know asking MOH's sister (or really MOH's parents, but I know they'd say yes and be thrilled) would make FMIL happy (the girls are the same age and wear the same size clothes) because the dress would be used, obviously a 5-year-old isn't going to know she was the "replacement" and have hurt feelings about it. And I don't think FI's aunt/uncle would care at all.
Thoughts? I don't want to go against a TK rule (a rule that definitely makes sense), but it's so tempting to do so to not hurt FMIL's feelings and offend all her hard work.