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Registry etiquette and related questions

crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So it dawned on me today that I have no idea how this registry thing works.

I would never put registry info on the STD or invitation. That just seems intuitively wrong.

Are we supposed to provide registry information on a wedding website or by word of mouth? Or are we not supposed to register at all? I honestly have no idea how to do this or what I'm supposed to do. When my BFF got married, she put inserts in her invitations but I didn't care much at all for that.

How far in advance are you supposed to register IF you're supposed to register?

Thanks for any/all help on this!
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Re: Registry etiquette and related questions

  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    You aren't "supposed" to register.  Nor are you "not supposed" to register.  If you want to register, register.  If you don't want to, don't.  But if you don't some people will just buy you random gifts.  

    I don't mind seeing registry info on a website as long as it is just the link and no qualifiers ("we would really prefer cash" etc.).  It does bother some people.  Word of mouth is your friend.  Don't volunteer the information but if someone asks by all means tell them.  Also, if someone throws you a shower they can include the info in the shower invites.  
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    You're correct that registry info shouldn't be included in the invitations or STDs. It's perfectly fine to put it on the wedding website, and to tell anyone who asks where you're registered. If someone throws you a shower, it's also fine to put it on the shower invitations, since that's a gift-giving event.

    You don't really have to register at all if you don't want/need boxed gifts, but it's a good idea to register for at least a few things, in case some of your guests want to buy registry gifts.

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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    crackktheskyy said:
    So it dawned on me today that I have no idea how this registry thing works.

    I would never put registry info on the STD or invitation. That just seems intuitively wrong.

    Are we supposed to provide registry information on a wedding website or by word of mouth? Or are we not supposed to register at all? I honestly have no idea how to do this or what I'm supposed to do. When my BFF got married, she put inserts in her invitations but I didn't care much at all for that.

    How far in advance are you supposed to register IF you're supposed to register?

    Thanks for any/all help on this!


    STUCK IN BOX

    I am by no means an expert on this. Please correct me if I am planning to do something wrong!

    I am planning to put registry information on a wedding website. It will have tabs for the timing and location of the ceremony/ reception, hotel block, about the bride and groom, and registry. I might be forgetting a few other things on there. The registry tab just says "registry." Click on that, and it brings you to a few links which bring you directly to the 2-3 registries I will set up. 

    You don't have to set up a registry if you don't want to, but you can, even if no one has asked about it just yet. 

    I started a registry the other day with fiance. We are about 11 months away from our wedding. We did it early because we were home visiting parents and near one of the stores we were interested in. But mostly because fiance was very excited about it and wanted to play with the scanner gun thing. We will probably be changing the registry. We will not show the registry to anyone until we send out save the dates 6-8 months before the wedding. By "showing" people the registry, I mean we will have a line on the Save the Dates like "please refer to lilacck28 and lilacck28's fiance's wedding website at blahblahblah. com for further information." You may also spread it by word of mouth if anyone asks. 

    Those inserts rubbed you the wrong way because you're not supposed to do that. It's viewed as gauche. 
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  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    mysticl said:
    You aren't "supposed" to register.  Nor are you "not supposed" to register.  If you want to register, register.  If you don't want to, don't.  But if you don't some people will just buy you random gifts.  

    I don't mind seeing registry info on a website as long as it is just the link and no qualifiers ("we would really prefer cash" etc.).  It does bother some people.  Word of mouth is your friend.  Don't volunteer the information but if someone asks by all means tell them.  Also, if someone throws you a shower they can include the info in the shower invites.  
    Thanks! That's so helpful! I forgot to qualify this and to mention that we would never ask for cash, nor would we do a honeyfund. I honestly feel a little strange just about registering, but my mom mentioned that some people might presume that we are asking for cash, which I also don't want people to think! It seems to be a fine line!

    And that's good to know about the shower -- I know my MOHs have mentioned wanting me to help them put together a list of family members so they could throw something!
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  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    blabla89 said:
    You're correct that registry info shouldn't be included in the invitations or STDs. It's perfectly fine to put it on the wedding website, and to tell anyone who asks where you're registered. If someone throws you a shower, it's also fine to put it on the shower invitations, since that's a gift-giving event.

    You don't really have to register at all if you don't want/need boxed gifts, but it's a good idea to register for at least a few things, in case some of your guests want to buy registry gifts.

    Okay good to know: Okay on wedding website, shower invite, or if someone asks! I see registry info on wedding websites ALL THE TIME but I thought I would check on here first because it seems pretty evident that just because something is done frequently, doesn't mean that it is not against etiquette!
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  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    lilacck28 said:
    crackktheskyy said:
    So it dawned on me today that I have no idea how this registry thing works.

    I would never put registry info on the STD or invitation. That just seems intuitively wrong.

    Are we supposed to provide registry information on a wedding website or by word of mouth? Or are we not supposed to register at all? I honestly have no idea how to do this or what I'm supposed to do. When my BFF got married, she put inserts in her invitations but I didn't care much at all for that.

    How far in advance are you supposed to register IF you're supposed to register?

    Thanks for any/all help on this!


    STUCK IN BOX

    I am by no means an expert on this. Please correct me if I am planning to do something wrong!

    I am planning to put registry information on a wedding website. It will have tabs for the timing and location of the ceremony/ reception, hotel block, about the bride and groom, and registry. I might be forgetting a few other things on there. The registry tab just says "registry." Click on that, and it brings you to a few links which bring you directly to the 2-3 registries I will set up. 

    You don't have to set up a registry if you don't want to, but you can, even if no one has asked about it just yet. 

    I started a registry the other day with fiance. We are about 11 months away from our wedding. We did it early because we were home visiting parents and near one of the stores we were interested in. But mostly because fiance was very excited about it and wanted to play with the scanner gun thing. We will probably be changing the registry. We will not show the registry to anyone until we send out save the dates 6-8 months before the wedding. By "showing" people the registry, I mean we will have a line on the Save the Dates like "please refer to lilacck28 and lilacck28's fiance's wedding website at blahblahblah. com for further information." You may also spread it by word of mouth if anyone asks. 

    Those inserts rubbed you the wrong way because you're not supposed to do that. It's viewed as gauche. 
    Too funny -- My FI is DYING to do the registry for the sole reason of using the price gun. He does not even care what he chooses, he just wants to run around the store and shoot things. 

    It sounds like our wedding website is similar! I've started to set things up and have a link directly through the wedding website to the hotel that we've blocked with a special rate, in addition to maps, websites, phone numbers, etc. to the church and the reception venue. I also have info on there about some transportation we are providing as well as valet parking so no one has to worry about paying to park in the city (or finding parking, for that matter!) We want to try to get that info out. I think we will add a line at the bottom of our STD, too! 
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you want to register, I would do it a few months before the wedding so you have fewer things that clearance off the list but far enough in advance to give your guests proper time. You don't have to register if you don't want to. 

    I would put the link on an unobtrusive tab of your wedding website "More Information" or something like that.  Then if people want to find it they will.  They can also google you and find it that way.  If you have someone throw you a shower, it's best to include that information somewhere because a shower is a gift giving event.  Your hostess can include an insert or something in the invites.
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    PPs have given great advice. The only thing I'd add is that if you decide you would rather not register, then you should decline any offers for a shower. Someone could potentially throw a bridal tea in lieu of a shower, as a tea does not suggest a gift giving event.

     







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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Jells2dot0 said:
    PPs have given great advice. The only thing I'd add is that if you decide you would rather not register, then you should decline any offers for a shower. Someone could potentially throw a bridal tea in lieu of a shower, as a tea does not suggest a gift giving event.
    Good point. It could totally confuse your guests and you could end up getting all sorts of random stuff.
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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Jells2dot0 said:
    PPs have given great advice. The only thing I'd add is that if you decide you would rather not register, then you should decline any offers for a shower. Someone could potentially throw a bridal tea in lieu of a shower, as a tea does not suggest a gift giving event.
    And they are DELICIOUS. 
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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    PPs covered all your questions, but just a tip about registering early.  It's fine to register really far in advance, BUT make sure you monitor your registry for items going out of stock, so you can replace them.  We only registered 6 months in advance, but we still had some items selling out or being discontinued.  Just keep on top of it.

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  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    APDSS22 said:
    If you want to register, I would do it a few months before the wedding so you have fewer things that clearance off the list but far enough in advance to give your guests proper time. You don't have to register if you don't want to. 

    I would put the link on an unobtrusive tab of your wedding website "More Information" or something like that.  Then if people want to find it they will.  They can also google you and find it that way.  If you have someone throw you a shower, it's best to include that information somewhere because a shower is a gift giving event.  Your hostess can include an insert or something in the invites.
    Oh these are great ideas! It sounds like registering much closer to the wedding is the way to go, and I love the idea of an unobtrusive link. That's great, thank you!

    Jells2dot0 said:
    PPs have given great advice. The only thing I'd add is that if you decide you would rather not register, then you should decline any offers for a shower. Someone could potentially throw a bridal tea in lieu of a shower, as a tea does not suggest a gift giving event.
    This is a lovely idea, as well! I know my MOH had actually mentioned doing some sort of tea for my bachelorette, which I thought was the sweetest idea. (She knows going to the club just isn't my thing. I'm lucky to have such thoughtful friends!)

    monkeysip said:
    PPs covered all your questions, but just a tip about registering early.  It's fine to register really far in advance, BUT make sure you monitor your registry for items going out of stock, so you can replace them.  We only registered 6 months in advance, but we still had some items selling out or being discontinued.  Just keep on top of it.

    Wow! Good to know we should keep on top of it! I suppose that makes sense -- I've seen it on other registries.


    Questions answered--thanks, everyone!
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