Wedding Etiquette Forum

What would you do?

You're an over 45, first time bride-to-be.  You inherited a gorgeous, rare, valuable round diamond years ago which was stolen and then recovered after a grueling court battle.  It's been reset into a necklace and sees the light of day for special events.  You have FINALLY met the man of your dreams who wants to marry you and the only material thing you ever had your heart set on is a beautiful, grown-up, princess cut diamond ring with great color/clarity that you will wear for the rest of your life.  Unfortunately, your fiance' has given you a budget that won't cover half of what your heart desires.  

Do you:
  1. Use your own diamond for the ring and have him buy a setting with a square halo and replace the necklace setting with another type of stone.
  2. Make sure he's completely vested in this and buy a pre-owned diamond ring (still hard to find the ring of your dreams) within the budget.  
  3. Add to the budget without telling him.
I'm so looking forward to seeing what YOU would do!  

Re: What would you do?

  • If it was something I had my heart set on, I'd be an adult and make up the difference for the dream diamond myself. I think it's silly a guy is expected to pony up 100% of the costs of an unnecessary piece of jewelry and he usually gets nothing in return. Agreeing to get married is a mutual decision, hopefully you are not trading consent for a ring. So if what you want is not in budget, pay the difference yourself (and let him know, do not hide it from him), find something in budget you like, or use what you have.
  • None of the above. I would talk to my guy about what I want and why it matters, our finances and priorities, and our budget. And I would listen to what he says and think about it.

    Adding to the budget without telling him is an atrocious idea. It means your engagement is starting with a deception.
    offensivekitten2smgold6perdonami
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'd never add to the budget behind his back.  That's just plain wrong and it throws your trustworthiness out the window.

    I would talk to my FI about why this is something I have my heart set on, and if he's not willing to pay for it, I'd offer my own diamond for the purpose.
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Why do you keep posting this
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    ashley8918
  • I would accept whatever the man I love offered me because #1 I'm an adult and #2 the sentiment is more important to me than the material aspect of it.
    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~


    perdonami
  • CheleLyn said:
    I would accept whatever the man I love offered me because #1 I'm an adult and #2 the sentiment is more important to me than the material aspect of it.
    I agree with all of these "whatever my guy gave me because he loves me" points... but they're moot as the OP said that her fiance asked her to pick out a ring. 
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    There are dreams and then there is reality. Sometimes we need to accept reality and be thankful for the blessings we have and sometimes we are super lucky enough to live the dream. When it comes to weddings- especially jewelry- we should take a step back and understand why we are taking the steps to form this union. If a ring is so important that you are willing to withhold the truth from your future husband, then I think you need to pause and reflect on the relationship. Having a big diamond does not equate to having a loving, honest, loyal partner.

     







    iloveotters2014perdonami
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    larrygaga said:
    Why do you keep posting this
    She's not the only one to have a double post by accident.
  • Jen4948 said:


    larrygaga said:

    Why do you keep posting this

    She's not the only one to have a double post by accident.


    She's not double posting though. She is posting this to several different boards. I'm assuming she hopes to get a different answer.
  • I would just grow the hell up about finances, personally. What is a 'dream ring' going to do, cure cancer? Make you breakfast? Unlimited foot massages?

    Use the sentimental diamond, and smack yourself for even considering underhanded shit.



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    phirarajahmd
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I would just grow the hell up about finances, personally. What is a 'dream ring' going to do, cure cancer? Make you breakfast? Unlimited foot massages?

    Use the sentimental diamond, and smack yourself for even considering underhanded shit.

    If a dream ring cures cancer, then I need to return mine.

     







    ashley8918offensivekitten2rajahmd
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I would just grow the hell up about finances, personally. What is a 'dream ring' going to do, cure cancer? Make you breakfast? Unlimited foot massages? Use the sentimental diamond, and smack yourself for even considering underhanded shit.
    YES.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
    offensivekitten2
  • Why don't you discuss the various options with him? He might just surprise you with a compromise that would make you both happy. My ring was important to me. I'm not apologetic about that. When we discussed my ring it was more important to him that I loved it than his picking it out. To him it boiled down to the fact that he doesn't have to wear it! Once we figured out the money and the logistics of the whole thing it was easy-peasy. If using your round stone with a square halo is desirable to you both it's probably your best option. Designing your own custom ring may yield you results above and beyond your wildest dreams! I used an amazing jeweler out of LA to make my ring. PM me if you'd like his info!
    debbeau
  • Will the inherited diamond in the new setting make you happy? If so, do that.

    If not, then I guess it depends on you and your husband. Will he feel inadequate if you subsidize the ring? If not, then, do you have the money? If so, then if that's your priority, go for it.


    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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