Do I need a personal attendant?

kristensaysido · June 2014

I'm getting married in October and selected my wedding party long ago. Recently I've been questioned by a few people about why I do not have a personal attendant. Honestly, I never thought of having one. I assumed that my maid of honor and bridesmaids would help me with anything I needed that day, but numerous people have told me I NEED a personal attendant because I need someone to do the "dirty" work that the bridesmaids shouldn't have to do the day of the wedding. So with my wedding less than 4 months away my question is.... Do I really need a personal attendant? Will I regret not assigning someone to this role? What types of things does the personal attendant handle or help with?

Thanks for any advice. I've been very laid back throughout this process so I typically haven't thought of these issues until someone brings them to my attention and then I worry if I'm making the right choices and decisions.

lilacck28 · June 2014

Do your friends mean, assign one of your guests to be a personal attendant? If so-- don't do that. Frankly, it's a terrible idea, and quite rude to that guest. Let them enjoy the wedding.

If they mean, hire someone... well, I don't think any of us know your personality or the complexity of your wedding set up well enough to answer that question. I guess more information about what this personal attendant will need to do/ what the plan for your wedding is would help?

Part of the package I have with my venue is that I get two (hired) personal attendants. I don't really know what they'll be doing. I assume helping me bustle the dress if my mom/ bridesmaids have trouble, bringing me food and making sure I get a chance to eat... not sure what else. Holding things? What things I have no idea. If it did not come with my package, I would not have hired anyone. I'm pretty sure I can manage most of what she will do, and my mom and friends would be around to help me pee while in my dress if I desperately need them.

AddieCake · June 2014

What dirty work needs to be done? The concept of this baffles me.

kristensaysido · June 2014

Sorry maybe I should have worded it differently. By "dirty work" I just meant carrying decorations around (I'm using crates, tree slices, a wooden ladder). I need someone who can do tasks like this and potentially get dirty, break a nail, etc. whereas my bridesmaids will be dressed and ready so we don't want them doing tasks like this. At least that's how it was explained to me. I had never even heard of a personal attendant until I had a meeting with a Florist and she was baffled as to why I didn't have a personal attendant. She explained to me that I needed a person to do stuff like this. Sorry I'm clueless about this stuff! Maybe I need to look up the role of a personal attendant.

lilacck28 · June 2014

kristensaysido said:

Sorry maybe I should have worded it differently. By "dirty work" I just meant carrying decorations around (I'm using crates, tree slices, a wooden ladder). I need someone who can do tasks like this and potentially get dirty, break a nail, etc. whereas my bridesmaids will be dressed and ready so we don't want them doing tasks like this. At least that's how it was explained to me. I had never even heard of a personal attendant until I had a meeting with a Florist and she was baffled as to why I didn't have a personal attendant. She explained to me that I needed a person to do stuff like this. Sorry I'm clueless about this stuff! Maybe I need to look up the role of a personal attendant.

STUCK IN BOX

Can't you (or your fiance) do that yourself/ with whomever volunteers to help before you're "dressed and ready"? That's usually how centerpieces and decorations end up set up . And if not, your venue might have a coordinator who deals with that.

AddieCake · June 2014

If nobody has offered to do that for you, then yes, you need to hire someone to do it.

kristensaysido · June 2014

Okay thank you.

mysticl · June 2014

kristensaysido said:

Sorry maybe I should have worded it differently. By "dirty work" I just meant carrying decorations around (I'm using crates, tree slices, a wooden ladder). I need someone who can do tasks like this and potentially get dirty, break a nail, etc. whereas my bridesmaids will be dressed and ready so we don't want them doing tasks like this. At least that's how it was explained to me. I had never even heard of a personal attendant until I had a meeting with a Florist and she was baffled as to why I didn't have a personal attendant. She explained to me that I needed a person to do stuff like this. Sorry I'm clueless about this stuff! Maybe I need to look up the role of a personal attendant.

That's something you pay someone to do. Any guest at your wedding is going to be dressed up and not in a position to get dirty or break a nail, etc. Your florist should stick to giving advice on flowers.

QueerFemme · June 2014

A personal attendant is a shit job and not a honor. If you need someone to do those tasks, you hire a day of coordinator.

lilacck28 · June 2014

Going to reiterate... you could set those items up yourself before you are dressed. Or your fiance could. Or someone who works at the venue and is already hired to do that could.

kristensaysido · June 2014

lilacck28 said:

Going to reiterate... you could set those items up yourself before you are dressed. Or your fiance could. Or someone who works at the venue and is already hired to do that could.

Okay. I will have to check with my venue and see if they could take care of stuff like this for me. Thanks.

kristensaysido · June 2014

mysticl said:

kristensaysido said:

Sorry maybe I should have worded it differently. By "dirty work" I just meant carrying decorations around (I'm using crates, tree slices, a wooden ladder). I need someone who can do tasks like this and potentially get dirty, break a nail, etc. whereas my bridesmaids will be dressed and ready so we don't want them doing tasks like this. At least that's how it was explained to me. I had never even heard of a personal attendant until I had a meeting with a Florist and she was baffled as to why I didn't have a personal attendant. She explained to me that I needed a person to do stuff like this. Sorry I'm clueless about this stuff! Maybe I need to look up the role of a personal attendant.

That's something you pay someone to do. Any guest at your wedding is going to be dressed up and not in a position to get dirty or break a nail, etc. Your florist should stick to giving advice on flowers.

I agree. Fortunately I did not hire her as my florist as I found someone else who I meshed a lot better with, but yes I agree she should stick to flowers. She had a lot of opinions on everything! Thanks for your advice.

atlastmrsg · June 2014

Day of Coordinator? I planned my own wedding but paid a person to run things, be the go between (for example, when the valet service stopped parking cars so we could start ceremony--it was outdoors on a lawn and didn't want late cars driving up), make sure everything was going smoothly. She constantly checked in with vendors to make sure they were putting things in right places and was there in case something went wrong. As we expected, some really old people showed up at venue almost an hour early. She made sure they were taken care of since the quartet wasn't playing yet, etc.

Just make sure your expectations are clear when you interview the people, so the person knows s/he will be moving things, etc.

zitiqueen · June 2014

kristensaysido said:

I'm getting married in October and selected my wedding party long ago. Recently I've been questioned by a few people about why I do not have a personal attendant. Honestly, I never thought of having one. I assumed that my maid of honor and bridesmaids would help me with anything I needed that day, but numerous people have told me I NEED a personal attendant because I need someone to do the "dirty" work that the bridesmaids shouldn't have to do the day of the wedding. So with my wedding less than 4 months away my question is.... Do I really need a personal attendant? Will I regret not assigning someone to this role? What types of things does the personal attendant handle or help with?

Thanks for any advice. I've been very laid back throughout this process so I typically haven't thought of these issues until someone brings them to my attention and then I worry if I'm making the right choices and decisions.

Just because.

lbuet348 · June 2014

I have never even heard of "personal attendant" until this post!

elfi919 · June 2014

My venue also comes with a "bridal attendant". I'm also a little unsure of what this person does but the planning staff told me I need to make sure I have this lady come to the rehearsal dinner so everyone in the bridal party and family knows who she is. She is the one they ask if they have any issues or questions (like you said if they break a nail or whatever).

I envision this lady bringing us food and drinks while we are taking pictures. Also my photographer said I should make a list of all the different shots I want him to get (like bride and bride's family, groom with groom's parents etc). I imagine I can give this list to the lady and she can announce who needs to get together for the next shot. And of course you can use her to set up any decorations that the florist isn't doing (my florist considers herself a decorator so she's doing more than just flowers).

I will ask my bridesmaids to help me pee (don't want some stranger for that). Maybe this lady also collects all the presents and cards at the end of the night and helps my in laws pack them into their car. I'm just trying to think of what else she might do. I agree with the other people, that you probably don't need one because I don't imagine you'll be doing a lot of dirty work, I just get one as part of the package.

Kauris · June 2014

Please read my post on the above linked thread. It's not nice. Don't let your mom, grandmother or great aunt tell you otherwise... I didn't enjoy it, but I love my friend like a sister, so I did it anyway. I would rather have just been a plain old regular guest.

Do I need a personal attendant?

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