How do people view the phrase "CASUAL Wedding"?

DiannaBrad · May 2014

I just recently started planning my wedding. We have chosen the date to be October 12, 2014. That gives me about 5 months to get everything organized. I don't think this is too short of a time period since we are planning an ultra-casual wedding. However, guests keep talking to me as if this will be a fancy event even after I've made it clear that it's casual. Let me start from the beginning...

My older sister got married last year and spent well over $20,000 on her event. It was beautiful and turned out just the way she wanted, however I personally feel that a wedding is just a big party. The average cost of a wedding in my city is $32,000. My fiance and I just bought a house and would really like to start having children soon. That said, it's not currently in our budget to throw around that kind of money for nothing more than a glorified party. I totally understand and respect the point of a wedding and understand that each bride has different views on what her wedding day should be. However, we are trying to keep our budget within $1500 with 100 guests. So far with food and venue already chosen, we are right on track to meet our budget. I think a wedding should focus more on joining families and less on how much was spent on the dress or cake. Our wedding will have games (Photo Booth, giant chess, etc.), music and hopefully just a really fun day outdoors with loved ones.

For a while, my fiance and I were actually considering eloping. However, I really want all of our friends and relatives to be a part of our wedding day. The idea we came up with was to throw a very casual wedding at the local park. I found a beautiful pavilion there right next to a big open lake and a brand new, large playground for the kids. My wedding dress will be more of a white sundress (possibly with shorts underneath so i can play with the kids and be comfortable) and I am telling guests on our wedding website to dress comfortable/casual. I also let them know that heels aren't recommended since there will be a lot of grass around. The way I envision my wedding day is a bit more like a family-reunion park day where my fiance and I just happen to get married. There will be no aisle either. I am thinking of just having me and my fiance walk over to where the ceremony will be after mingling with guests for a while.

The main thing that has been baffling me is that even when I tell family or friends "comfortable/casual... no heels... like a family reunion at the park", they still want to wear fancy dresses and ask me things like "oh you're JUST wearing a sundress?! that looks too plain". I'm all for guests wearing whatever they want and whatever makes them happy. My main concern is that they don't actually understand how casual my event is going to be. I want to focus the panning on what it's meant to be about and not on the overpriced odds & ends. My biggest concern is that guests won't actually be comfortable the day of the wedding in their heels and dresses. I honestly wouldn't even mind if they came in jeans. I've printed on the invites "comfortable/casual attire" and wrote a whole paragraph on our website with a photo of heels sinking into the grass how they should dress casual if they want to be comfortable and that rain or shine the party will go on. Even after all of this one of the bridesmaids said she plans to wear her favorite dress that she never gets to wear anywhere. Is there a better way to get this message across or should I just let them wear what they want and they'll learn the hard way?

leelabear · May 2014

If you have a causal looking invite and it says casual on your website, then you should be good. You should also tell your parents and wedding party the info incase guests ask them and not you (just like you do for a gift registry).

If you are truly worried and you have a few extra bucks, buy some cheap flip flops of various sizes and place in a cute basket with a note in a noticable area. You don't need one for every guest. If you have 100 people, maybe buy 20-40? I've seen people do this for the reception with a note on the basket that reads "dancing shoes". Last I checked, Old Navy sells them for a $1 a pair for mens and women with different colors.

dcaviston · May 2014

My fiance and I are doing the same ultra casual style wedding at our favorite spot, a local dog rescue we volunteer at. People actually laughed when i said I wasn't planning on spending more than $50 on my wedding dress and in fact I only spent $21.56. Personally I'd let them learn the hard way, its a day to join 2 families into one and enjoy yourselves. People are going to get all dressed up no matter how many times you tell them its very low key and casual, they hear wedding and think they need to be decked out. Just worry about you and your fiance and how you two want the day to be and let everyone else worry about what the will wear, after all they have been warned.

Fairyjen1 · June 2014

I have found that no matter how casual you want your wedding, there will always be people who don't feel comfortable going to a wedding in anything other than dressed up. You can't really dictate what other's wear. I'd let them learn the hard way, LOL.

I went to a wedding last year at a very remote winery, basically the ceremony took place in a field (with gopher holes and everything!). They had casual looking invites. On their wedding website they described the terrain and recommended more casual dress and flat shoes (this IS an etiquette Faux pas, but really the only one they made). Even with all that about half of the female guests wore cocktail dresses and stiletto's. They looked really out of place gingerly picking their way around the field.

Fortunately, for them, the reception was on a paved area.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

To me casual means hubby is in khaki's & a nice golf shirt & I'm in a sundress or khaki myself with a cute top. Like other PP said, try to set the tone with your invites and if you are doing a website, keep it fun & light hearted and not too formal. People will wear what they want to wear. Plan your wedding for what fits you and your FI. Those who love you will be happy for you if it's a casual event or a big formal event, as long as the food is good & you have good music/yard games or whatever type of type your guests are into, they will have fun, no matter what they end up wearing.

bekt14 · June 2014

We're also planning a casual wedding in about 4 months time. Whenever I talk to anyone about the plans they freak out because they assume I'm trying to plan a formal $20k traditional wedding- which is impossible to do in 4 months. I've had multiple arguments with both my family and my fiance's family about how SMALL the guest list should be. Everyone keeps adding more and more people to the invitation list! I'm trying to keep it under $7000, but that's proving difficult because everyone that's helping me plan thinks this is a formal event.

I told people that I wasn't having bridesmaids and that we were having a pizza party rehearsal dinner. That got some weird reactions. I don't think anyone will understand until they get there.