Wedding Blues and Buyers Remorse

bekt14 · June 2014

smalfrie19 · June 2014

I would say if you don't want a wedding, don't have one. Elope in Vegas or go to the JOP

erollis · June 2014

Do you have outside influences to make you feel so upset? Family, friends, fiancé. I really enjoyed planning but would get stressed out over things people did. My friend is having a horrible time planning because of family and friends. Maybe you just aren't into planning such a large celebration and prefer something smaller.

bekt14 · June 2014

I think it's because I had this picture in my head of what I wanted my wedding to be, and none of that is coming true. With every decision that is made, someone tells me that they want it different than what I want. I've had to give up everything I wanted for the wedding- one little detail at a time. I feel like I'm not even planning my own wedding anymore. It's my FMIL and my Mom's wedding- not mine.

I would definitely like a much smaller wedding, but I come from such a huge family- and everyone has to be invited or they would be super offended.

Inkdancer · June 2014

Planning has definitely stressed me out, but it's almost always when people are pushing aside what I want to try to get what they want.

bekt14 · June 2014

Inkdancer said:

Planning has definitely stressed me out, but it's almost always when people are pushing aside what I want to try to get what they want.

That's exactly how I feel. My ideas have been tossed aside and trampled on. Everyone else has their own idea of what they think the wedding should be.

blabla89 · June 2014

I felt the same way about my dress, but I got some helpful advice on my Dress Regret thread a few weeks ago.

With regards to the rest, I don't know when your wedding is or whether you've already put down deposits, but is it too late for you to downsize? There's nothing wrong with having a small, simple wedding. You don't have to put on a big party. If it's too much stress, or it's not financially feasible, or if it's just not what you want - that's completely okay. One of ladies here (can't remember who or I'd gladly give her credit) gave three questions to help prioritize what details are most important: 1) Is it required in order for us to get married? 2) Is it important to FI or I? 3) Is it important for the comfort of our guests? (as many or few guests as you have) - and then if it doesn't fall into one of those categories, you don't worry about it.

bekt14 · June 2014

It's so hard to stick up for myself when they look at me like I'm an idiot.

For example, we wanted a morning wedding/brunch reception. FI and I are both morning people. We love getting up early and going to breakfast- that's our thing. We get grouchy in the evenings and just want to go to bed early most days. So, a morning wedding sounded perfect for us.

When we explained it to everyone, we got a bunch of weird looks and everyone tried to talk us out of it. Everyone was complaining about how early they would have to get up, and it would be awkward to have reception party in the morning when everyone is still groggy from waking up. "That's just so unusual"- is what we were told.

Every single thing I wanted has been criticized and tossed aside to accommodate for what other pepole think is better .

bekt14 · June 2014

We have put a lot of money down in deposits already. My mom has already told everyone they're invited, so I can't downsize the guest list. I think my biggest regret is the dress though. I really made a bad decision about which dress to buy.

Inkdancer · June 2014

Knottie19728895 said:

It's so hard to stick up for myself when they look at me like I'm an idiot.
For example, we wanted a morning wedding/brunch reception. FI and I are both morning people. We love getting up early and going to breakfast- that's our thing. We get grouchy in the evenings and just want to go to bed early most days. So, a morning wedding sounded perfect for us.
When we explained it to everyone, we got a bunch of weird looks and everyone tried to talk us out of it. Everyone was complaining about how early they would have to get up, and it would be awkward to have reception party in the morning when everyone is still groggy from waking up. "That's just so unusual"- is what we were told.
Every single thing I wanted has been criticized and tossed aside to accommodate for what other pepole think is better .

Stop telling people your plans. It will save your sanity.

FI and I are having a lunch time wedding with no alcohol. Nobody can complain about it because they don't know. It was the best decision I ever made.

Do what you and your FI want, and don't let anybody else know until the decision has been made.

climbingsingle · June 2014

Are you accepting money from your parents or in-laws? If not, then you should be making these decisions. If you want a morning wedding, have it. Don't keep bending to what others want.

pinkcow13 · June 2014

Is anyone financing this wedding besides you and your FI? If not, then they get NO say. This is your and your FI's wedding day, no one else's. If people are offended, because they were not invited, they'll get over it. There is nothing weird about a morning wedding, and anyone complaining about how "early" they'll have to wake up is extremely rude. It's ONE day, they'll live. I went to an early wedding on Saturday, and it was lovely. Yes, I had to wake up earlier than I usually do for a Saturday, but I survived and managed to have a blast.

You and your FI need to set boundaries with the family. Do not discuss your details with them. If they try to ask questions, change the subject. In regards to the dress, if you really hate it, you can try to resell it online. Or take it to a seamstress for alterations. Just please do not let anyone influence you, this should be one of the happiest moments in your relationship.

bekt14 · June 2014

Yes, my parents and Fin-laws are both contributing. I told the in-laws and my fiance that I do not want them to help pay, mostly because I don't want them to any influence over us- but they keep insisting and just wired money to my fiance even after I refused. So, I'm just feeling really stuck and helpless in all this.

doeydo · June 2014

Give them back the money and plan the wedding that you and your FI want.

blabla89 · June 2014

Knottie19728895 said:

Yes, my parents and Fin-laws are both contributing. I told the in-laws and my fiance that I do not want them to help pay, mostly because I don't want them to any influence over us- but they keep insisting and just wired money to my fiance even after I refused. So, I'm just feeling really stuck and helpless in all this.

Were you and your FI on the same page about not accepting money from them? Because you need to be a united front in this, especially if they aren't listening to you. If you haven't spent any of their money yet, you can say "thank you for being so generous, but we want a smaller wedding and are able to pay for it ourselves" and give the money back. Or you can adjust your budget (including what your parents and FILs have contributed) to include a wedding planner, which will take the stress off of you.

climbingsingle · June 2014

Give the money back. Unfortunately once family members start contributing, they do get a say.

SBmini · June 2014

I didn't like my wedding at all. And the main reason for that was because I bent to what other people wanted. I got tired of fighting and the stuff I compromised on was the stuff that went wrong. If I could do it all over again, I'd reject the money given to me and have a small ceremony with close family.

You don't want to hate your wedding. You want your wedding to reflect who you are and not just remind you of trauma and fights and compromises. If invitations haven't gone out- it's time to hit pause and reevaluate. Trust me, you want to do this now before it is too late.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

I think you and Fi need to have a big talk about how you're feeling. Get on a united front. It sounds like you aren't going to be happy with this wedding unless you both put your collective foot down, refuse the money from your parents, and plan the wedding you want. You have to be ready for this to create some family drama. But you don't want to regret your wedding.

AprilH81 · June 2014

Knottie19728895 said:

It's so hard to stick up for myself when they look at me like I'm an idiot.
For example, we wanted a morning wedding/brunch reception. FI and I are both morning people. We love getting up early and going to breakfast- that's our thing. We get grouchy in the evenings and just want to go to bed early most days. So, a morning wedding sounded perfect for us.
When we explained it to everyone, we got a bunch of weird looks and everyone tried to talk us out of it. Everyone was complaining about how early they would have to get up, and it would be awkward to have reception party in the morning when everyone is still groggy from waking up. "That's just so unusual"- is what we were told.
Every single thing I wanted has been criticized and tossed aside to accommodate for what other pepole think is better .

Brunch/lunch weddings are actually becoming more trendy as couples look at ways to cut costs and do some thing "different".

And most people aren't "groggy" at 10:00-11:00 in the morning unless they are hungover or didn't get out of bed.

You and FI need to be on the same page on the big things that matter to you both. Then don't give in on those items (brunch wedding, size of wedding, whatever is important to you guys)... If you don't care about flowers and your mom/FMIL says you MUST have fuscia roses then let her have the flowers she wants.

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