Pre-wedding Parties

Inviting those you know are ill to shower

My wonderful stepmother has offered to throw me a bridal shower and my bridal party is all on board. I am honored and excited that this has happened.  She asked me to create a list.  I do plan to invite my aunts and cousins who are invited to the wedding, but I have some concerns.

My mother passed away when I was teen, however my father divorced her when I was six. My first stepmother was a monster who alienated most family on both sides. I am very glad she is out of our lives and my father has found happiness with my current stepmother.

My mother's side of the family is invited to the wedding, of course. My stepmother is a very warm and kind woman, so I don't anticipate any issues with them all being together once they meet.

My big concern is that several of my family members are not in the best of health. My maternal grandmother broke her collarbone a few weeks ago. My aunt has serious health concerns and her daughter (my cousin) is blind.  All of my mothers' side of the family is out of state. I don't want to exclude them and would love for them to come, but the shower will be in NYC at a hotel or an apartment. 

Knowing that this trip will be tiresome and difficult, do I add them to the invite list? My stepmother will be inviting them and I don't want them to form a bad opinion of her before they meet her.  I'm also concerned about my other aunts who are very far out of state (non tri-state area). What do we think?
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Re: Inviting those you know are ill to shower

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you want to indicate that they are welcome to attend even if they can't actually make it, then I'd go ahead and invite them.  If they decline, then they decline.  I don't see why they would form a bad opinion of your stepmother because she would invite them to something they can't attend out of state.
  • Put them on the list. They are more likely to have a negative opinion if she doesn't invite them.  They could potentially perceive it as a snub form her.  
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  • I agree to put them on the list, but I think a phone call would be a nice added touch. The bride could call these relatives and let them know that it is important to her that they know they are included in everything that has to do with the wedding, but she certainly understands travel issues.  If I got such a phone call, in the same situation, I would feel that the hostesses really want my attendance and not just a gift, whether I could be there or not.
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