Bridesmaid decided to not stand up in wedding anymore

Re: Bridesmaid decided to not stand up in wedding anymore

• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2014

  Well, I'd be bummed too if one of my bridesmaids wanted to step down, but it sounds like you handled it just fine.  I'd consider the matter settled.  Certainly you shouldn't replace your outgoing bridesmaid because that wouldn't be fair to the replacement-and they'd know they didn't make the original cut.

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• lem212 member

  

  June 2014

  ok that is what i thought to because it is last minute and i would feel like they were second best. I just wanted to know others opinions of how they would of handle it or would be dealing with it right now. lol

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• Emmy1493 member

  

  June 2014

  I would leave it as you have it now. You do not need even sides at all to look good.

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• melbelleup member

  

  June 2014

  lem212 said:

  Hi All-
  
  New to this whole thing but I honestly think I took the news I got today fairly well being my wedding is about 3 months away. One of my bridesmaids text me today and which she explained she would of rather called me but wasn't able to, to let me know because she couldn't make it to the shower or my party, she felt like she wouldn't be doing her part as a bridesmaid and no longer wanted to stand up due to some family issues that have come up. While at first I was freaking out, I took a deep breathe and then let her know I didn't mind that she couldn't make the shower or party due to those issues but let her know she is more than welcome to still stand up and everything. She let me know while she appreciated me not being angry or upset with her she would rather come as guest instead of standing up. I let her know I would love to still have her at the wedding as a guest to celebrate with us. I don't mind having an odd number now of groomsmen to bridesmaid but I think/feel like I should be more upset or I am not sure if it is appropriate if there were someone else to ask, to have stand up this late in the game?
  
  Please let me know your thoughts on this
  
  Lauren
  

  like PPs, I would not replace the BM, that would be rude and make the new BM feel like second best and the old one would feel crummy.
  

  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  June 2014

  Sounds like you said all the right things. She isn't obligated to attend any pre-wedding events, but if she doesn't want to stand up that's her choice. Don't replace her, and make sure you make time amid all the wedding planning to be there for her as a friend and help her where you can. I'm sure that was a difficult decision for her to make so she must be going through some heavy stuff.

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• phira member

  

  June 2014

  Sounds like you both said the right things to each other. I'd let it go. And I wouldn't replace her in the wedding party.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  June 2014

  Yes, please don't replace her. As Lolo said, make yourself available as a friend. Whatever is going on with her sounds really tough.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• KickAssMOH member

  

  June 2014

  As someone who just backed out of a wedding myself, here is what I think you should do: nothing. You handled it really well, and it sounds like there might be monetary issues or something else going on with your friend right now. Personally, when I had to back out of being a bridesmaid, I explained myself to my bride friend in hopes that it would preserve our friendship, and it did. She was loving, understanding, and appreciative of the fact that I was still spending a great deal of money to attend on her wedding day. But, telling someone that you cannot afford to be a bridesmaid and participate in everything leading up to their wedding is no easy feat and you might feel very embarassed and ashamed afterwards.

  You sound like a gracious and kind person, so I'd just forget about this and not treat your friend any differently.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  June 2014

  I don't think you could have handled it more perfectly.

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• lem212 member

  

  June 2014

  thanks ladies! i just wanted to know how others would of reacted to it that is all. i feel i did handle it well and we are still good friends.
  

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  June 2014

  I think you handled it just fine.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  June 2014

  KickAssMOH said:

  As someone who just backed out of a wedding myself, here is what I think you should do: nothing. You handled it really well, and it sounds like there might be monetary issues or something else going on with your friend right now. Personally, when I had to back out of being a bridesmaid, I explained myself to my bride friend in hopes that it would preserve our friendship, and it did. She was loving, understanding, and appreciative of the fact that I was still spending a great deal of money to attend on her wedding day. But, telling someone that you cannot afford to be a bridesmaid and participate in everything leading up to their wedding is no easy feat and you might feel very embarassed and ashamed afterwards.

  You sound like a gracious and kind person, so I'd just forget about this and not treat your friend any differently.

  This. I also had to step down from my best friend's wedding due to a series of emergency surgeries. It was the most heart breaking phone call I had to make. I agree with PP as well. You handled it well, that's all you can do
  

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