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Thank You Etiquette

NymeruNymeru member
250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I've always heard that you're supposed to send thank you cards out within two weeks of a shower and within a month of a wedding, but what about wedding gifts that you receive before the wedding?  We're 4 weeks out from our wedding and are already beginning to have gifts shipped to us.  Should I send the thank yous out right away, or should I wait to send a thank you until after the wedding so that I can simultaneously thank them for coming to the wedding AND for the gift?  Will I be considered rude for not sending out a thank you prior to the wedding?  Will I need to send a separate thank you for the gift AND for their attendance at the wedding?  Personally, I'd feel weird receiving two separate thank yous for the same function.  I'm not sure how fussy people are, but I definitely don't want to offend anyone.
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Re: Thank You Etiquette

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Send the notes now. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Send notes now for physical gifts and thank them in person for attending your wedding. No need for a second one for the reception. 

    Bonus! It'll be less thank you cards to do after the wedding. And if you have the time now, you can pre-address them so save yourself time after your wedding. I just wouldn't stamp them. 
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I send them right away. Especially if something is being shipped, I want people to know it was received. Plus, after 2 showers, I had tons of cards to write and they take awhile- no way I want all the wedding ones piled up all at once!
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  • melbensomelbenso member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Send them before the wedding if you can.  (That's what we've been doing.)  If nothing else, it's one less card you have to do afterwards and you won't have it hanging over your head or risk forgetting it in the wedding craziness.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Definitely open and send the note now. Just don't use the gift or spend the money until after the wedding. Cash checks now as well.
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  • djfiveninedjfivenine member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
    What's the deal with "don't use the gift until after the wedding"?  Our wedding is more than 3 months away and we've already started receiving gifts (and yes, I've already sent thank you notes for all of them).  One of the gifts was a new coffee maker - which specifically came with the note from the givers "you're going to need lots of caffeine in the last stages of wedding planning!"  Obviously the sender intended for us to use this gift immediately.... and I have personally never heard this whole "hold the gift until post-wedding" theory.  If the gifter doesn't want you to enjoy the gift until after the wedding, why don't they send the gift after the wedding?
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    djfivenine said:
    What's the deal with "don't use the gift until after the wedding"?  Our wedding is more than 3 months away and we've already started receiving gifts (and yes, I've already sent thank you notes for all of them).  One of the gifts was a new coffee maker - which specifically came with the note from the givers "you're going to need lots of caffeine in the last stages of wedding planning!"  Obviously the sender intended for us to use this gift immediately.... and I have personally never heard this whole "hold the gift until post-wedding" theory.  If the gifter doesn't want you to enjoy the gift until after the wedding, why don't they send the gift after the wedding?
    What if the wedding never takes place?  What if you and your FI broke up before the wedding?

    Well, you received the gift because the giver thought you were getting married.  You are not allowed to keep wedding gifts if there is no wedding.  And if you've opened and used a gift, it's not returnable.  So the proper thing to do is to acknowledge receipt of the gift and thank the giver at the time you receive it, but wait until after the wedding to open and use it.
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  • steph861steph861 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    I didn't notice this thread until after I started another thread about it! I'm in the same situation, and I think I'm going to start sending out the thank you cards as soon as possible.
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    djfivenine said:
    What's the deal with "don't use the gift until after the wedding"?  Our wedding is more than 3 months away and we've already started receiving gifts (and yes, I've already sent thank you notes for all of them).  One of the gifts was a new coffee maker - which specifically came with the note from the givers "you're going to need lots of caffeine in the last stages of wedding planning!"  Obviously the sender intended for us to use this gift immediately.... and I have personally never heard this whole "hold the gift until post-wedding" theory.  If the gifter doesn't want you to enjoy the gift until after the wedding, why don't they send the gift after the wedding?

    STIB:

    The reasoning that Jen gave is usually why they say not to use the gifts until after the wedding. That counts for wedding gifts received before the wedding and gifts received at the shower.

    FWIW, I did use the gifts I received at my shower before the wedding happened. I didn't have any concerns about the wedding not happening at all, but if some tragedy had occurred I would have bought new ones to return to the gift givers. 
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I will say that I've started using a few - a couple of pyrex dishes and an olive oil drizzler thing. But those are easy enough to replace and send back to the gifter if the wedding were to not happen :P The rest of my gifts are piled in a close in our basement.
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    djfivenine said:
    What's the deal with "don't use the gift until after the wedding"?  Our wedding is more than 3 months away and we've already started receiving gifts (and yes, I've already sent thank you notes for all of them).  One of the gifts was a new coffee maker - which specifically came with the note from the givers "you're going to need lots of caffeine in the last stages of wedding planning!"  Obviously the sender intended for us to use this gift immediately.... and I have personally never heard this whole "hold the gift until post-wedding" theory.  If the gifter doesn't want you to enjoy the gift until after the wedding, why don't they send the gift after the wedding?
    This isn't a new thing, this is an old rule. Like PPs said- what if you called off the wedding?
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  • djfiveninedjfivenine member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
    As a wedding gift-giver, I've always brought gifts to the wedding, or if I couldn't attend, sent gifts within a month of the wedding.  So the whole idea of the wedding not happening didn't really cross my mind.  I guess I will continue to use my coffee maker (as it was specifically gifted early with the intention of being used before the wedding) and put everything else in the garage.  Thanks!
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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    A friend of friend call off her wedding three weeks before the wedding because she found out he had lied to her about some pretty important things. She had already used those presents and apparently didn't return them, my friend is seriously reconsidering her friendship.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    tammym1001 said:
    djfivenine said:
    What's the deal with "don't use the gift until after the wedding"?  Our wedding is more than 3 months away and we've already started receiving gifts (and yes, I've already sent thank you notes for all of them).  One of the gifts was a new coffee maker - which specifically came with the note from the givers "you're going to need lots of caffeine in the last stages of wedding planning!"  Obviously the sender intended for us to use this gift immediately.... and I have personally never heard this whole "hold the gift until post-wedding" theory.  If the gifter doesn't want you to enjoy the gift until after the wedding, why don't they send the gift after the wedding?

    STIB:

    The reasoning that Jen gave is usually why they say not to use the gifts until after the wedding. That counts for wedding gifts received before the wedding and gifts received at the shower.

    FWIW, I did use the gifts I received at my shower before the wedding happened. I didn't have any concerns about the wedding not happening at all, but if some tragedy had occurred I would have bought new ones to return to the gift givers. 
    Of course you didn't but then it usually comes out of the blue. I know someone who called their wedding off two months in advance.  Someone else who called it off two weeks before.  Also, there is a thread over on Chit Chat about a woman who was dumped at the alter.  
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