Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guest List and My Job

I work as the executive director of a small non-profit in my town.  As such, I don't really have a boss per se, but I do have a volunteer board of directors who I work with regularly and who sign my paychecks and contracts, approve my budgets, etc.  I'm close to a handful of them, and not at all close to others, but I feel like I can't invite some without inviting them all.  The problem is that, with their spouses, this adds 28 people to my guest list, only maybe 8 of whom are people I really want at my wedding.  While I think most of them would understand if they weren't invited, there are a few who I feel like would be offended if they weren't invited.

I've read advice about work-related invites, but since this doesn't really fit neatly into a boss or co-worker situation, I'm not quite sure how to address it.  If this were one or two people, I'd gladly keep them on the list, just because ensuring that my interactions with them remain pleasant will make a huge difference in how easy my job is. That said, we're at the point where we're considering cutting people who really are much closer to us just to get the guest list to a manageable level.

Anyone have advice for this situation?  What is the appropriate etiquette here? 
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Re: Guest List and My Job

  • I work as the executive director of a small non-profit in my town.  As such, I don't really have a boss per se, but I do have a volunteer board of directors who I work with regularly and who sign my paychecks and contracts, approve my budgets, etc.  I'm close to a handful of them, and not at all close to others, but I feel like I can't invite some without inviting them all.  The problem is that, with their spouses, this adds 28 people to my guest list, only maybe 8 of whom are people I really want at my wedding.  While I think most of them would understand if they weren't invited, there are a few who I feel like would be offended if they weren't invited.

    I've read advice about work-related invites, but since this doesn't really fit neatly into a boss or co-worker situation, I'm not quite sure how to address it.  If this were one or two people, I'd gladly keep them on the list, just because ensuring that my interactions with them remain pleasant will make a huge difference in how easy my job is. That said, we're at the point where we're considering cutting people who really are much closer to us just to get the guest list to a manageable level.

    Anyone have advice for this situation?  What is the appropriate etiquette here? 
    I think if you are already needing to cut certain people that you are much closer with to have a manageable guest list then I would not invite any of the people that you work with.

  • I would not invite any of them and not talk wedding at work.
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    eyeroll
  • As someone who has worked for a couple of non-profits I would advise against inviting any of the board members. It could give your employees and other members of the community the wrong idea about your relationship with the board. I have heard more than one rumor that an ED was sleeping with a member of the board.
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  • Inkdancer said:
    I would not invite any of them and not talk wedding at work.
    This. I also second mysticl's post about it could give the wrong idea about your relationship with the board. If someone asks how wedding planning is going, I found the old "It's going/it's fine, want some bean dip?" works well <-- except, not actually bean dip.
  • If you're already considering cutting people you're closer to from your guest list, I wouldn't add anyone to it from your work.

    If anyone on the board asks about your wedding, just bean-dip.
  • Jen4948 said:
    If you're already considering cutting people you're closer to from your guest list, I wouldn't add anyone to it from your work.

    If anyone on the board asks about your wedding, just bean-dip.
    The board members shouldn't be expecting invites anyhow. Their job is to act in the best interests of the agency and the population it serves (that's why they are volunteers, the decisions they make have no impact on their own wallet). They should never appear to be favoring or showing special treatment to an individual.  
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  • mysticl said:
    Jen4948 said:
    If you're already considering cutting people you're closer to from your guest list, I wouldn't add anyone to it from your work.

    If anyone on the board asks about your wedding, just bean-dip.
    The board members shouldn't be expecting invites anyhow. Their job is to act in the best interests of the agency and the population it serves (that's why they are volunteers, the decisions they make have no impact on their own wallet). They should never appear to be favoring or showing special treatment to an individual.  
    They shouldn't, but some might bring it up even so.
  • Jen4948 said:
    mysticl said:
    Jen4948 said:
    If you're already considering cutting people you're closer to from your guest list, I wouldn't add anyone to it from your work.

    If anyone on the board asks about your wedding, just bean-dip.
    The board members shouldn't be expecting invites anyhow. Their job is to act in the best interests of the agency and the population it serves (that's why they are volunteers, the decisions they make have no impact on their own wallet). They should never appear to be favoring or showing special treatment to an individual.  
    They shouldn't, but some might bring it up even so.
    Right but it may be in making small talk before or after the monthly board meeting as opposed to fishing for an invite.  
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  • melbensomelbenso member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014
    Having served as a volunteer member of a non-profit board for six years, including a year as the board president, I would have been surprised if the ED invited me the his (theoretical) wedding. I had many professional interactions with him over the six years.  And while I didn't sign his paychecks, I did approve his raises and contract renewals. I liked him quiet a bit personally, but seeing him once a month at a board meeting and having various business interactions did not strike me as a wedding invite kind of relationship.

    ETA: I also wouldn't have been offended if he was friends with someone else on the board outside of work and invited that person to a social event.

    Unless these specific board members were your friends before the board-ED relationship (and thus can be invited in the friends-who-just-happen-to-be-on-my-board category), I wouldn't invite them, especially if you are already trying to cut guests.  Certainly don't invite the ones you didn't want to invite.

    And just FYI, I only have one boss, and I didn't invite him to my wedding.  I only invited 2 people I currently work with and that is because they are my friends outside of work too.
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  • Thank you all so much for the responses!  I had set my mind on not inviting them for all the reasons people listed (and most of all because I'm not close to several of them), but since we've been engaged, it's been pretty constant questions from them about it when I see them.  I am the only full time employee of the organization, so I think that sometimes, they forget that I serve at their pleasure, and personal questions aren't necessarily appropriate.  I've never heard the "bean-dip" thing before, but that sounds pretty perfect!  That's pretty similar to what I've tried to do anyway, but I'll definitely keep it in mind moving forward!

    Thanks again!  You've all been great helps, and this has definitely relieved a little guilt that I'd been feeling!
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  • In case it helps...

    I've been on the other side. I've gotten courtesy wedding invitations while working with small organizations. People know when their invitation is strictly for etiquette. In each situation, I decline with a nice note. I'll also send a small gift if I really like the person.
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