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A moment to vent

MaryGraceRichMaryGraceRich member
100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Chit Chat
Ok I would like to start off by saying feel free to call me a brat for this. One of my best friends is having a baby in december. I am excited for her. I text her all the time to see how she is feeling and to see if she needs anything. Her mother told me she was planning her baby shower on Oct. 4th. I was fine with that and offered to help with anything she needs for the shower. She informed me that there will be a stripper there. Not important but it gave me my first eye roll in the situation. I got a text today from my SIL. She works with the mommie to be. She tells me that the shower date has been moved to Oct 11th. That completely bummed me out. Thats my 30th birthday. I was planning on going on vacation for my birthday. I had looked into dates that would make me available for her shower on the 4th but away for my birthday. I am sad that I wont be able to go to her shower. I didnt book my trip yet but I still dont want to spend my birthday celebrating someone else. I know that makes me sound selfish. It is selfish but in this case I dont care. She used to be one of my best friends and when we are together everything is amazing between us. But the past few years have been hard. She didnt even tell me to my face that she was pregnant. She told my SIL at my bachelorette party and I overheard it. When I asked her if it was true she said "oh yeah, Im pregnant." Now she didnt even tell me that her shower is on my birthday I had to hear it from someone else again. I am always the one to text her first. She never initiates conversation with me first. I know the logical thing would be to let the friendship go but it hurts. On top of that her husband and my husband are best friends so I am sure to be around her again. We have all known each other since high school. I want to be there for her and her baby. I am super bummed. Am I wrong to be upset because technically its my fault that I am not going?
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Re: A moment to vent

  • MaryGraceRichMaryGraceRich member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    This post had paragraphs until my ipad ate them. Sorry.
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I don't think you are wrong to be upset or to not go. I also don't think she's wrong for not telling you and for her baby shower being on your birthday. You both are fine. Friendships grow apart, and it hurts but it's life. Keep supporting her in anyway you can if you value her friendship! Maybe she didn't want to tell you about the pregnancy for a very good reason. Maybe having a good talk with her would help (but not about the date of the shower)
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  • MaryGraceRichMaryGraceRich member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thank you. I dont blame her for her having her shower on my birthday it just bums me out. I am going to bring her lots of fun gifts and keep texting her to make sure she is ok. She is having a dinner/shower kind of thing on another night for her co-workers. I will drop the stuff off to her then.
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  • EverAferEverAfer member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Life happens!

    Besides, some people are better than communicating and staying in touch than others.  One of my closest friends is like that.  She's an awesome person, but she works crazy hours and has two kids.  When I got engaged, she got pregnant  (3rd child with 2nd husband).  When her MIL set the baby shower date, it's the same date as my bachelorette.

    We both feel bad about missing out on each other's event.  We've both been too busy to catch up, and it's ok.  Part of it, we both figured the other person is too busy.

    Since you'll continue to see her anyway, if it continues to bother you, you can always have a nice chat and see how she's doing. 


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  • MaryGraceRichMaryGraceRich member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I understand. I will talk to her. I dont expect her mom to change the shower date or anything. I just want to tell her that I am sad that I will miss it.
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    AddieCake said:
    I can't get passed stripper at baby shower.
    I'm not into male strippers at all, so I will never understand the appeal. But the idea of a stripper at a baby shower is beyond me.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • MaryGraceRichMaryGraceRich member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I agree. Her mom said the stripper will be dressed as a dr which makes it even worse to me. She thinks its funny.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Ewwww. Klassy.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    MaryGraceRich said:
    I agree. Her mom said the stripper will be dressed as a dr which makes it even worse to me. She thinks its funny.
    image
    Ugh     that is so gnarly.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    How does a doctor dress?
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    NYCMercedes said:
    How does a doctor dress?
    Lab coat and stethoscope!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Aha.
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  • MaryGraceRichMaryGraceRich member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Or scrubs maybe. I really dont know. I think Pms is kicking in. I am super bummed about this whole thing and all I want is chips and cheese dip.
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  • MaryGraceRichMaryGraceRich member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @monkeysip that made me smile which I havent done in hours. Thank you
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    monkeysip said:
    "Hey baby, want me to check your cervix to see how dilated you are?"  *Cue stripper music*
    http://i.imgur.com/Mo03c.gif

    I just dry-heaved. Madame, you win.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I don't see any reason to let the friendship go. Some people just suck at initiating contact. As for telling you she was pregnant maybe she was planning to tell you that night but you overheard her before she got a chance to tell you. Or maybe she was waiting for a better time. I get being bummed that the shower got moved to your birthday and I understand you not going but don't hold not telling you against her. If she knew you were planning to help she may have figured her mom would clue you in. And pregnancy brain is a very real thing.  Tonight I prepped dinner, poured it into the crockpot, turned it to high, and set the timer.  An hour later I went back into the kitchen and realized I hadn't plugged the crockpot in.  Fortunately, I had but the chicken in frozen so everything was still cold.  
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  • MaryGraceRichMaryGraceRich member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    When I overheard her say she was pregnant she was in the fron seat of a minivan. I was sitting in the third row. She was talking to my SIL who was driving. She wasnt whispering or anything. I overheard her say something about being pregnant so I asked her and she said "oh yeah. Im pregnant". Like it was an after thought.
    Yes she is crappy at initiating conversation but I have been patient with her for a few years with this. I do think she is only this way with me. She can remember to text others and to post on facebook but not me. It started the year a mutual friend of ours got married and became a bridezilla. This friend stopped speaking to me because I didnt have the money to go to her bachelorette party because I spent everything I had on her bridal shower and the dress for her wedding. They were getting married the same year so they started talking a lot. It drove her away from me a lot. I have continued to be the best friend I can.
    I love her dearly. I know her well. This is going to come out snottier than intended but she probably didnt forget to tell me. She does get baby brain but I know what she is like. A part of me feels that the date change was intentional. A part of me thinks she may have made it on my birthday knowing I wouldnt go so she can invite the other girl. I have zero issue with attending an event with the other girl there. When her baby shower came around I wasnt invited but I still sent a gift. I think the other girl may not want me there. But it could be the pms talking.
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    What in the fuck at the stripper. And I say book your trip! It's just a baby shower. If I were your friend, I would understand. I don't really see any reason to let your friendship go over this. Some people just suck at making contact. Support her as much as you can, and maybe she'll return the favor.
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  • MaryGraceRichMaryGraceRich member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I hope so and I will always support her.
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Wish you luck!
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  • MaryGraceRichMaryGraceRich member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thank you!
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    A stripper at a baby shower? This reminds me of this:


    Anyway, you're not selfish for wanting to do something for yourself on your 30th. They moved the date, so this is not your problem. It was very nice of you to offer to help in the first place, especially considering it doesn't seem like your friend has been that great a friend in recent years. 

    Explain that your schedule is full on that date, send a card and/or gift, and have an awesome birthday celebration! 
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    MaryGraceRich said:
    When I overheard her say she was pregnant she was in the fron seat of a minivan. I was sitting in the third row. She was talking to my SIL who was driving. She wasnt whispering or anything. I overheard her say something about being pregnant so I asked her and she said "oh yeah. Im pregnant". Like it was an after thought. Yes she is crappy at initiating conversation but I have been patient with her for a few years with this. I do think she is only this way with me. She can remember to text others and to post on facebook but not me. It started the year a mutual friend of ours got married and became a bridezilla. This friend stopped speaking to me because I didnt have the money to go to her bachelorette party because I spent everything I had on her bridal shower and the dress for her wedding. They were getting married the same year so they started talking a lot. It drove her away from me a lot. I have continued to be the best friend I can. I love her dearly. I know her well. This is going to come out snottier than intended but she probably didnt forget to tell me. She does get baby brain but I know what she is like. A part of me feels that the date change was intentional. A part of me thinks she may have made it on my birthday knowing I wouldnt go so she can invite the other girl. I have zero issue with attending an event with the other girl there. When her baby shower came around I wasnt invited but I still sent a gift. I think the other girl may not want me there. But it could be the pms talking.


    STUCK

    I mean, honestly it sounds like maybe you don't even like her that much anymore? It seems like you're waiting for her to change the way she interacts with you, but that rarely happens. It sucks, but that's the truth--you might be right in your suspicions. She might be drawing away from you under the influence of Bridezilla-friend. But there's not much you can say without coming across weirdly vindictive. You aren't BEING vindictive; you're noticing a hurtful pattern, but it's one of those things where confronting her can only do two things: Make you look bad, OR confirm your worst suspicions. If you value the friendship, which it sounds like you do, it might be best to get yourself some chocolate ice cream, plan your bitchin' 30th birthday trip, and move on. 
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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