Uninvite guest?

sunshyney · June 2014

Wedding is 2 and a half months away, invites were sent, still waiting on reply cards from most guests. My MOH was married but last week found out that he was having an affair, so she is going through with divorce proceedings. For some reason, her husband still thinks he is invited to my wedding. Yes, we were friends with them both, and his name is on the invitation, but-what makes him think I will let him show up and cause my best friend grief? Other couples we sent STDs to have since broken up but none of the exes are still trying to come. Should I wait for him to realize how stupid he is being, or officially uninvite him? I realize it is not proper to uninvite a guest after sending out invitations, but adultery is even less proper, so I'm not going to worry about that part of it.

ShesSoCold · June 2014

How do you know that he still plans on coming? Do you still talk to him?

sunshyney · June 2014

No, she told me he still wants to come. I haven't spoken to him since all this happened. I'm thinking to give it some time, this just happened and it all may be reactionary. After things settle down I'm sure he'll realize how inappropriate it would be to show up...let's hope.

chibiyui · June 2014

I'd say give it a month 1/2 to 2 months. If he still insists on coming, esp. if he's not close with you or your husband. Then you can let him know that, unfortunately, his invitation is rescinded. And then have someone at the door to turn him away.

larrygaga · June 2014

I don't think etiquette says you still have to invite him, but even if it does, don't. There are good times to say fuck eqttique, and this is one of them. IMO, anyway.

April192002 · June 2014

If she told you then that means she still has contact with him, though I know first hand about having unwanted contact with an ex. It may seem crazy but if she's okay with him there then I'd say it's okay. If she doesn't feel comfortable, then I'd uninvite him, if necessary. Your MOH is someone you obviously care about so, IMO, it's better if you break etiquette, but talk to her first before doing anything! She can't uninvite him to an event that isn't hers.

monkeysip · June 2014

Your wedding is 2 1/2 months away and you've already sent invitations?

lyndausvi · June 2014

I would sit and wait. This all happen last week. Let the dust settle and revisit the subject closer to the wedding. If he still plans on attending then I feel like you are fine rescind the inviting.

I've known couples get back together after an affair, even when they state divorce is a given. It's better to be supportive, yet somewhat neutral about him for now.

downtondiva · June 2014

Talk to your friend and let her decide what path you should take with this. While I'd be surprised if she doesn't mind seeing her soon to be ex-husband at your wedding, don't assume anything or take any action on her behalf without knowing for sure. I'm also thinking that you probably shouldn't say anything to him until you get an RSVP from him. As you said yourself, he may decide on his own that he shouldn't attend after all, so don't jump into that discussion just yet.

As for etiquette, I think respecting your friend's feelings and keeping her from feeling uncomfortable trumps not rescinding an invitation to someone who has deeply hurt her. So if she indeed doesn't want him there, don't feel bad about asking him not to attend.

sunshyney · June 2014

Thanks for the advice guys!

sunshyney · June 2014

And yes, about 60% of our invited guests will be traveling cross country so we sent the invites a little earlier than usual so that they have time to get the best priced flights, etc.

SewInLoveWithDMB · June 2014

I agree with the advice above - and this is their situation to handle, not yours. We have a couple - I grew up with the girl, my H is close friends with the guy. I was never "super close" to the girl, but she did spend a few weeks at my family's beach house (that sounds weird, but it was a large group setting), and I wouldn't have invited her had she not been married to H's friend.

Right before our wedding, they announced that they would be getting divorced. (We have no idea why or what happened, and will probably never know.) We felt bad for them but that was about it. They came to the wedding together, and actually danced MANY dances together. (I think they even cried during a few, which is sad, and kinda awkward, but it wasn't a big deal, but it must have meant a lot to them to attend the event together, ya know?)

My point just is - let the couple handle it how they see fit. They may want to go to one last event together. Time will tell, and as mentioned, it's best not to have an opinion.

Sorry to hear about the situation for your friend though - that must be very hurtful.

Uninvite guest?

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